A/N
THIS IS JUST A FILLER. I'M SORRY THAT IT IS SO SHORT. :(
Cailee's POV
I had cried myself to sleep that night, and many more nights after, up until now. Tonight it was different. I had no more tears left in me. I wanted to move on, but I couldn't find the courage. So here I was, just laying on my bed motionless.
I graduated high school a few days ago, thank heavens. But now, it's harder. I have to decide which college to go to.
I was settled on Harvord, until a few days ago, when I figured I couldn't go far away from my family like that. Especially not with Casey growing up. I couldn't let my little sister grow up without me.
I sighed. Why did have to grow up? Can I just be Casey's age again? Where my only worries were my bottle running out of milk or something?
Maybe I could go to Stanford? Or Clemson? Or..?
This is pointless. I can't talk to anyone. Yes, I have a best friend, but she's always with Jacob, they are trying to get in the same college, and I didn't want to get in their way.
I'm going to miss her, I don't know how I'm going to live without her, but ill try.
I got up, and picked up my diary, which I got the other day but haven't used yet. I picked up my black pen. If I can't talk to anyone, might as well write about it?
I bit my lip and started.
Dear Diary,
I honestly don't know what to do here. So I'm just going to pour my feelings out.
You always have this perfect image in your head of what a break up is going to be like. When you are going to get over it and what you would say when they want to talk again. Sometimes it doesn’t go the way you planned.
When your little, you think high school is going to be all fun and games. I mean look at High School Musical. High School is going to be fun like that. Right? Wrong.
High School is what makes your life. Just one little mistake, and everything is ruined.
Life and high school are full of curveballs, and we are going to have to take them, whether we like it or not.
Love is more than a feeling. It’s a state of mind, it’s part of your body and it drives us to new measures of ourselves.
Almost everything we as humans do is because of love, or the lack of. Someone without love is a lost soul, a dark soul, and sometimes you can’t come back from that.
I guess that is what I'm scared of. I'm scared of never getting over Cabe. I'm scared that he's just going to move on, and I'm going to be that girl that is left behind to watch. I am scared to love again, I guess that is safe to say.
Why does it always happen, that when you are single all you see are couples. You walk down the store aisles and see happy couples kissing and walking along. Yet when you get into a relationship with someone all you see is single people.
I think it’s our way at looking at freedom, or just the universe rubbing our face in our current relationship status. Our attitude changes and the way we do things changes depending on who we are with. That could be why when a girl is taken she gets so many more guys asking for her number and such. People can sense that he/she is independent in a way, and isn’t looking for someone. It’s all part of the game we play, and we as humans always reach for the stars.
And sometimes reach for the impossible..
I sighed, and threw my diary on the bed, and slid down the wall, clutching my knees. I couldn't cry, no tears would come. So I just sat there, rocking back and forth, memories of Cabe running in my head.
His laugh, his voice, his smile, his kiss, everything, it just kept running in my head.
Getting kicked out of the store, him getting beat by a random old lady, the cd of him dancing when he was little, when he came and visited mom when she had Casey, when he stayed with me when Emme was in the hospital, me staying the night with him.
I couldn't forget anything. I couldn't cry, move, I could barely breathe, I was dead emotionally, but alive physically.
I closed my eyes.
Grandma? Papa? Why can't you be here with me? Why did you have to leave me?
As I thought of them, it was like I could hear them, and see them.
"Sweety, we didn't leave you," I heard my grandma's fragile voice say.
"We're still here, pumpkin," papa said. He reached out for my hand. I reached out, and felt it.
"No, you left," I said, confused.
"We left this dangerous heartbreaking world, but we're still with you, pumpkin," papa said.
"But, why am I just now seeing you?" I asked.
"Because now you want to, your trying," my papa's comforting voice whispered.
"Grandma, I need your advice, with boys," I said.
"Just believe in yourself, pumpkin," grandma whispered, as they faded away.
I opened my eyes, and the tears came.
"Believe in yourself." grandma's voice whispered. I nodded, and got up.
"Believe in yourself," I repeated, "Grandma said so. So I will." I convinced myself.
I went over to my phone, and picked it up. As if on time, it rang.
INCOMING CALL
FROM: CABEY.<3
I got a sudden confidence, and hovered my finger over the 'Answer Call' button, and clicked.
"Hello?" I answered.
___
I have nothing to say...
-Natalie.<3
