Cross My Heart

Chapter 18

GWEN'S POV:

I started to hyperventilate. I started crying. The lady who was gonna drive wasn't prepared for my reaction to getting on the bus. I refused. I just couldn't get myself to get into that vehicle. I'd gotten willingly into a vehicle before, and it took me to a hell I'd have to live through for 10 years. (I now knew, thanks to Gavin's research.)  And everyone told me it'd be great. Everyone was happy for me. Did they know where I would go? I didn't want to think so....but I didn't trust anyone, I suddenly just realized.
I stood there crying, and breathing heavy, as the driver tried her gentle best to coax me into the bus.
Tears were falling on my phone, I noticed when I looked down.

My phone.

Gavin.

I knew he just left, but....I couldn't. I couldn't.
I needed him here. What if the bus sped up and lost him on the road? Would he know how to find me? What if someone blocked him as the bus took me far away to another life of hell?
Was I just panicking needlessly?
I felt crazy. And I didn't like this.
I just didn't trust ANYONE.
Except Gavin.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had Gavin's number pressed on my phone.
He answered quickly.

"Gwen?"

"Gavin....I......" I was crying into the phone. I was hysterical. I couldn't even barely get the words out.
"I....I can't, Gavin. I can't...." I just kept saying as I sobbed. The driver tried to put her arm around me, but I pushed her away in my hysterics. I felt bad doing it, but I couldn't help it.

I happened to look up, and there was Gavin. He was across the parking lot, running towards me.
He was running and putting his phone into his pocket as he ran.
The bus driver noticed what I was looking at, and she waved him over, and walked into the bus and sat down, since she wasn't getting anywhere with me.
Gavin rushed to me and pulled me into his arms as I stood there being hysterical, still holding my phone up to my ear, my other hand pulling my hair tightly on the side of my head.
Being in his arms did the trick. I started to feel better instantly. His arms were like...home.
"There there.........It's alright.......it's ok baby...." Gavin whispered to me as I cried in his arms.
I felt him take my phone, and I felt him slip it into the back pocket of my jeans. (he had brought me clothes a few days ago, so I'd have something "cool" to leave the hospital in. He truly thought of everything.)
With my new free hand, I wrapped around Gavin tightly and began apologizing to him. "I'm sorry Gavin....I'm sorry.......I didn't.....I can't......I'm........I'm just sorry...." I kept saying, not knowing what I was actually trying to say.
He didn't talk or try to ask me questions now. He simply held me until my sobs died down and my tears subsided.
Finally, after a long time, I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him, as my signal that he can ask me what was the matter.
"Scared to get in a car and be taken somewhere again?" Gavin suprised me by saying. How did he know!?
"Yes." I wimpered at the ground.
He put his fingers below my chin and pulled my face up to look at him.
"Gwen. I understand what you must be feeling right now. I do. As soon as I heard you on the phone, I knew what you were thinking. You're remembering being put into a car as a child, when everyone said you'd be going to a great place, but it ended up taking you to.....that place. I get it. I do, Gwen.
I'm so sorry you are so scared. But you don't need to be sorry about it. You don't need to apologize, ok? It's ok. It IS. I understand, ok?
You just have to understand that I would NEVER allow you to be taken anywhere bad. Ever. Ok? I am going to follow right behind you, and if you sit in the back, you can look out the back window and see me behind you. I promise I won't disappear from view, ok? I'll be..." he was interrupted by the driver lady just then.
"If you want, you can just come with us. We're not supposed to, but...I can make an exception this once. I'll bring you back later to get you car. If you want. I just want her to be comfortable about coming to the home, so...whatever we have to do, I'll do", she told Gavin.
I looked up at Gavin, pleading silently that he'd say yes.
He does WAY too much for me.
"Ok. Yeah. Ok. That's a good idea. We'll do that then", he said and he looked down at me and smiled, "You like that idea Gwen?" he asked me.
"Yes, please", I said, shaking my head, eyes closing in exhaustion and shame.
"Let's do this then, shall we?" he said in a cheery voice, as he stepped away from me, but took my hand.
I looked at him, and tried my best to give him a smile. It sort of worked. I think.