wonderland

THE SCREAMS

  ~I just feel so alone and its not that i need someone well, it is but not someone certain just someone who will give me the love i crave . Anyone but i havent been loved for a long time . And i realize that now . I shut everyone out until none is left to love me . And i know now that i am human and i too need lovers touch and kind words . That i am no different , i crave affection 

~   I was alone and the darkness said hello . He has always been my first love . I was alone and the darkness kissed my brow and said hello when my friends planned parties that i wouldnt be invited too . He held me down and showed me how to stick two fingers down my throat . I was alone my darkness said hello . Its been seven years since a blade graced my skin and he is the only one o ever let in.

~ I look in the mirror i see many things but not my own self . I dont know who i am anymore . maybe i never will maybe im too far gone and past the point to return 

~ Someone once asked her what was being triggered was like. she closed her eyes and thought of planes crashing and car accidents but instead said the beach. Falling asleep under direct sun only to wind up drowning , when you open your eyes , gargling salt water where once had been air , forgetting how to swim and knowing you could die right there 

~ Silly little girl . Dont fool yourself . They seen your scars , Just dont want to help. Little do they know how much could change with three little words " Are you okay" 

~ I seem happy right ? ... You see no cuts on my wrist ... Only the smile on my lips .. You hear me laugh and see me smile . Did you take the time to look in my eyes ?.... Did you see the emptiness and the darkness ? .... Did you check my hips ?... Darling , if you only open your eyes ... you could see im dying inside 

~ Dont tell me im beautiful  . Until you've seen my scars which craved my legs , like thin white veins . Dont tell me im sweet until i shut you out of my heart because i swore to myself that you are just like the rest .... Dont tell me im perfect until you've seen me break down . Ill show you all the darkness consuming my mind .... But if you seen my scars bitterness and breakdowns perhaps i believe you 

~  the girl walked into her bathroom , WHY DO YOU HAT E ME ?!  she screamed violently . The metal illness center employee ran to her . Who are you screaming at dear ?  she asked ... Her ,the girl replied  pointing at the mirror . She hates you , the woman asked . pointing at the mirror . Yes the teen replied . But  honey, thats your reflection ,the woman said calmly  , Exactly , the girl said ..

~ Are you okay ? 

yea just tired 

T~ torn apart 

I~  inscure

R ~ really faking my smile 

E ~ Extreamly sad 

D ~ Drowning in my tears