Cold Coffee

Chapter 8

That night, as my brother kept himself busy sitting in front of the computer with his lonely eyes, dad and I decided to spend our time by the kitchen and prepared our food. Dad, as usual, keeps the good vibe, and we laughed every time we get clumsy.
"I know your brother has been hiding to you the thing about me and your mom for a very long time... he thought it would be better for you not to know because you might not get it, that is why I didn‟t do anything."
I looked at him as he toned down the stove and his eyes were locked on what he was doing. My father has already lost a lot of weight since me and my brother had gotten on to our high school years, and his hair had gotten longer... Wrinkles began to draw on his face, and his eyes were already accompanied with glasses.

"Well, it‟s really okay with me. I understand." I sighed.

"And your brother ended up being the one who doesn‟t get it at all." He said.

Well, I can‟t blame Quinn for having high hopes about our parents‟ romance. He even thought of writing a story about it. But right now, I don‟t think it would be that possible anymore. My dad was finally done with the food and he was already about to serve it on the table.

"Go get your brother, kid." He said with a smile faking all over his face.
The three of us ate our dinner quietly, until dad tried to break the silence.
"College will be coming real soon... what does my young and incredible son have in mind?" he said, his eyes were on Quinn, and his face looked hopeful and willing to wait for a reply. Q just stared at his plate quietly, and then turned to look at dad. His face was intensely unreadable as usual... I waited for him to say something because whenever he turns to look at someone, it was either he didn‟t hear him clearly or he is going to speak with a witty answer.

"Why is the soup salty tonight?" He suddenly asked a random question in the middle of a serious family conversation. I turned to look at dad, whose jaw was clenched tightly; trying to keep calm about the matter that he was ignored on purpose by my brother.

"You don‟t know the answer? Do you want to know why?" Q‟s eyes were intensely staring at the spoon he was holding, twisting it like it was dancing itself on the table.

"Sometimes, we get assume that the soup has the same taste because there‟s only one person cooking it... but in reality, it doesn‟t go that way. Just like life; you might have thought about one thing and dreamed of it for a very long time, but as time passes, you‟ll go through a lot and you might end up changing that dream into another dream. Things change and that is the only  permanent thing  in the  world.” He  said. Dad  and  I  looked at each other, and watched as Q finished his meal.

“I‟m done,  and  I‟m  going  up,”  He  said  and he  stood up and walked  for  the  stairs,  and suddenly, he  turned to look at us.

“I‟m not really  sure  about what to do for  college, though.  I‟m not  yet in the state  to change  such things.  After  all,  I  forgot what it‟s like  to  dream.” I  helped dad  clean the dining  room and  as soon as  we  were  finished, he  made  a  deep sigh.

“Sometimes,  I  don‟t  really  get how  your brother‟s  brain works.” “The  feeling  is mutual,  dad.”  I  said,  as  I  drum my  fingers on the  table. He  glanced  at me and smiled, and then patted me in the back.

“But don‟t  you stop trying  to understand him  until he learns to understand life  and  the reality.  And of  course, mostly,  to understand himself too.”

“Yeah.”  I  wasn‟t really  sure  of that answer; it  just  came out of  my  mouth.  It‟s like my mind has a lot of things inside it and my  heart was  filled with mixed emotions…  but still, I  ended up with a pointless answer, maybe  just  because  I  unconsciously  wanted to  end the conversation.  I finally  went to the room  right after and  I  sat  in  my  bed.  I  watched Q  as he  was sitting  on his study  table  and  as  usual,  he  was staring  blankly  at  the laptop again… his fingers quickly  typing, and then stops, and then types  again.

“Maybe  in the  near future  you‟ll find someone  for  you… someone  who will never leave you hanging,  and be  there  for  you, forever.”  I  said  to  him.  I  didn't see  that  coming. He  suddenly turned to me  with an annoyed  facial expression.

“Do  you honestly  think  that 'forever'  exists, Arie?”  He  said in an  angry  voice, but it wasn't loud enough for  dad to hear on the  other room. He  breathed deeply  and  continued to speak.

“It  is the  most  beautifully  created illusion  known to mankind  made  from lies,  wonder, and hope!”  He  said…  I  looked up at him as he  stood  up and turned to look at the  window…

“So  I  beg  of  you, do not  promise  me what will never come.”

I  didn't  answer;  I  just  lay  in bed facing  the wall.  I  can‟t help my  tears fall  from my  eyes and tried to  weep  silently.  Maybe  he's  right. And  maybe,  I'm close to  feeling  what he was  going through… it's that feeling  when  you realize  that in life, nothing  is actually  permanent;  that in every  moment, things might actually  change  without  you knowing  it.

At this point,  you  are happy,  and then suddenly,  you‟re  torn into pieces.  Or  sometimes, it  works on both situations  like these  are  felt  all  at once.  I  remember that day  when  I  confessed to Caleb,  when  I  finally  knew about my  parents  getting  a  divorce,  and when  Quinn decided to shut  himself out.  It was at that point  where  I  felt  happiness, and at the  same  time,  I  felt  sad,  worried… mortified; as the worst scenario.  But we  can‟t do  anything  but accept it.

This is now the  point  where  we‟re  all  fucked up with life.