au-nator

outro

I need sleep.

That's what I thought the moment I felt the sunlight hitting my face. I rolled over my bed to block out the light, but I could still feel the sun breathing on my neck. I decided to move my pillow near the wall where the light won't hit me. But, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep again.

Groaning, I pulled myself out of bed to grab my phone and collapsed back again, letting my pillows engulf me. I quickly tapped my password and checked my inbox for new messages from Bobby, but there were none. So, I just scrolled through my inbox to read our past convos. Again. Well, I have this habit of rereading his texts. Bobby's messages have this impact on me that I can't brush off and even if I've already memorized every single thing he's said to me, the feels are just the same. I'd still feel the same amount of butterflies as the first time I'd read each of his texts.

I kept scrolling, searching for his name but all I saw were messages from my friends and my parents. I even saw a convo from two years ago-- I just can't bring myself to delete messages, but no. There's no convo between me and Bobby.

I kept scrolling back and forth, even checking my contacts, my call log, and even my friend list on Facebook. But, I got nothing. And that's when it hit me.

I already told him the truth. He's in the real world now. He's officially out of my life.

I felt hot tears fighting to escape my eyes, but I quickly brushed it off. I can't cry now. It's my fault anyways. If I didn't put his name on that damn au-nator site, I wouldn't be feeling this right now. I wouldn't be expecting myself to end up with him.

But, when I turned my head to the other side of the room, I saw Bobby's tarpaulin which I personally asked from the YG staff after the final match of Mix & Match last year. The same tarpaulin which mysteriously disappeared the day I entered the alternate universe. And now it's back. My heart clenched the moment I saw it, making a sob escape my lips. It really is official now. This is the real world now. Before I knew it, I was already on the floor, crying my heart out.

I'm mad at myself. No, scratch that. I was mad at whoever invented that crap website. Yes, it made me happy. Yes, I'm happy of all the memories I had with Bobby. But, it was just too cruel. If only they just took my memories away, I still would've been the same old fangirl who just supported iKON without expecting anything in return; without expecting Kim freaking Jiwon to fall in love with her the way she is so smitten with him. But no, I was left with the happy memories and the longing of having Bobby back in my world.

I was silently crying for a few hours, and then I was wailing. I was stomping my foot around, grabbing my hair, hitting myself, until I accidentally stepped on a hard device. Seconds later, I heard cheers coming from the television. I picked up the device, which was apparently the remote control, and was about to turn the tv off, when the image on the screen caught my attention.

It was iKON. They looked like they were in the radio show hosted by Tablo. And right now, everyone in that room had their eyes trained on him, the one and only Kim freaking Jiwon.

"So, I heard that you helped B.I in writing the lyrics for Airplane. According to him, he was inspired by the uncomfortable seats of airplanes, that's why he thought of writing the song. But what about you? Did you have anyone in mind while writing the song?" Tablo asked, now looking at Bobby.

My heart was beating so fast. I was so nervous. I knew I might be hurt by his answer, but for some reasons, I just stayed still and waited for it.