I need sleep.
That's what I thought the moment I felt the sunlight hitting my face. I rolled over my bed to block out the light, but I could still feel the sun breathing on my neck. I decided to move my pillow near the wall where the light won't hit me. But, I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep again.
Groaning, I pulled myself out of bed to grab my phone and collapsed back again, letting my pillows engulf me. I quickly tapped my password and checked my inbox for new messages from Bobby, but there were none. So, I just scrolled through my inbox to read our past convos. Again. Well, I have this habit of rereading his texts. Bobby's messages have this impact on me that I can't brush off and even if I've already memorized every single thing he's said to me, the feels are just the same. I'd still feel the same amount of butterflies as the first time I'd read each of his texts.
I kept scrolling, searching for his name but all I saw were messages from my friends and my parents. I even saw a convo from two years ago-- I just can't bring myself to delete messages, but no. There's no convo between me and Bobby.
I kept scrolling back and forth, even checking my contacts, my call log, and even my friend list on Facebook. But, I got nothing. And that's when it hit me.
I already told him the truth. He's in the real world now. He's officially out of my life.
I felt hot tears fighting to escape my eyes, but I quickly brushed it off. I can't cry now. It's my fault anyways. If I didn't put his name on that damn au-nator site, I wouldn't be feeling this right now. I wouldn't be expecting myself to end up with him.
But, when I turned my head to the other side of the room, I saw Bobby's tarpaulin which I personally asked from the YG staff after the final match of Mix & Match last year. The same tarpaulin which mysteriously disappeared the day I entered the alternate universe. And now it's back. My heart clenched the moment I saw it, making a sob escape my lips. It really is official now. This is the real world now. Before I knew it, I was already on the floor, crying my heart out.
I'm mad at myself. No, scratch that. I was mad at whoever invented that crap website. Yes, it made me happy. Yes, I'm happy of all the memories I had with Bobby. But, it was just too cruel. If only they just took my memories away, I still would've been the same old fangirl who just supported iKON without expecting anything in return; without expecting Kim freaking Jiwon to fall in love with her the way she is so smitten with him. But no, I was left with the happy memories and the longing of having Bobby back in my world.
I was silently crying for a few hours, and then I was wailing. I was stomping my foot around, grabbing my hair, hitting myself, until I accidentally stepped on a hard device. Seconds later, I heard cheers coming from the television. I picked up the device, which was apparently the remote control, and was about to turn the tv off, when the image on the screen caught my attention.
It was iKON. They looked like they were in the radio show hosted by Tablo. And right now, everyone in that room had their eyes trained on him, the one and only Kim freaking Jiwon.
"So, I heard that you helped B.I in writing the lyrics for Airplane. According to him, he was inspired by the uncomfortable seats of airplanes, that's why he thought of writing the song. But what about you? Did you have anyone in mind while writing the song?" Tablo asked, now looking at Bobby.
My heart was beating so fast. I was so nervous. I knew I might be hurt by his answer, but for some reasons, I just stayed still and waited for it.
![ʜᴀᴘᴘɪᴇʀ°[ᴅᴏᴜʙʟᴇ ʙ]° ✔️ by Softkimbap](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/170241217-80-k857089.jpg)
He stared at Tablo for a while before he broke into a soft smile; the same one I always loved seeing on him. He nodded a bit before saying, "Yes. When B.I said one song will be titled Airplane, I immediately had someone in mind."
And when I thought my heart was broken enough, it just had to break even more. He had someone. He is in love with that someone. And that someone will never be me.
"Oh. Looks like he doesn't only have someone in mind, Bobby here has someone in his heart now, too. If you don't mind, who is this person?" Tablo asked, smirking playfully at him.
I didn't know why I was still watching. I just sat there, gripping the remote control tightly, silently shedding tears.
"Hanbin." Bobby said seriously, before bursting into laughter, making the others laugh along. He might have earned a smack from Hanbin himself, too.
I couldn't help laughing, too. Despite everything, he hasn't really changed. He's still the same, alternate universe or not. The only difference is, he's now an idol.
But I stopped laughing when he added, "Just kidding. Um, I was thinking about someone from my past. She was my childhood friend."
Childhood friend. Ha. It's funny how he still has a childhood friend, but I know this time, it's not me. It's impossible, really.
"Hm. Childhood friend. Any story about her?" Tablo probed.
"Well. She was my best friend, my first love and unfortunately my first heartbreak. I met her back in Virginia."
I was crying again, harder this time, but I took out my phone and tried to distract myself by looking into throwback photos I saved in my camera roll. I could've just turned the tv off but I wanted to hear what he has to say.
"I was seven and she was four when we first met. It was her birthday, and she had a costume party at her place. I didn't really know anyone since I was new, but her parents invited everyone in the neighborhood, including me."
I found an album which I haven't opened in forever-- my pictures from when I was still in Virginia. That's how I got the delusional idea that Bobby and I were meant to be, because we're both from VA. I scrolled through the pictures and saw dozens of me with a little guy with chinky eyes and bunny teeth. I remember him. He was all throughout my childhood years when I was still abroad, but I never asked for his name. I was too convinced that he was a bunny because of his teeth.
"It's really funny how we first met. Now that I think about it, we were too young, but I'm still holding on to her up until now."
The kid looked quite familiar though. I swiped from picture to picture, zooming each of them to his face. I was starting to have hints on the person of my childhood friend. But no, it can't be. It's really impossible.
"For a costume party, I was dressed quite simply. I only wore a red shirt and smeared myself with yellow paint and claimed to everyone that I was Winnie the Pooh. But she caught my attention. She was wearing a bunny onesie and a bunny headband which was bigger than her own head. She was hopping around happily until she tripped in front of me."
I stopped at a picture where he was helping me up while I was wearing a bunny costume. It was our first picture together. I stared at my phone longer, then at the tv, then back at my phone, my doubts completely vanished. My childhood friend. He's...he's...
"We became friends for years, but she never bothered asking my name. She was convinced I was a bunny because of my teeth. I also called her bunny because she liked wearing that headband of hers and also because she didn't tell me her name. But, she soon left for Korea. I went with her to the airport, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I liked her. So I just let her leave and watch the airplane leave with her inside."
My eyes landed on my dresser, where my bunny headband was sitting. My heart was beating loudly. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was shaking, my eyes were stinging, but I slowly stood and walked to where it was.
"Any message for her?" Tablo suddenly spoke.
"Bunny. Um, hi. It's been a while. I-I miss you. I don't know if you still remember me. I hope that you still do."
I reached for the headband and picked it up, when a paper fell. I opened the paper to be met by a familiar messy scrawl.
"Wherever you are, Bunny, I will find you. I've waited long enough and I just... I still feel the same."
It was his paper. The one I tore from his notebook. The one I begged au-nator to leave behind. The one where I wrote that I'd never be his girlfriend unless a miracle happens.
"Bunny, I know you won't understand this. This is a little childish but um, hahahaha. Um..."
Yes i wanna be your girlfriend. But I don't think that will ever happen.
Unless I see this paper the day after I tell you the truth.
It happened. I saw the paper. A miracle happened. I burst into tears, knowing that fate has decided to quit playing tricks on me, on us.
I sobbed even harder when I heard what Bobby said next. But this time, I was sobbing out of happiness.
"I what you, Bunny."
I quickly turned my head to the tv at the same time that he looked into the camera. It felt as if I was really looking into his eyes again.
I didn't realize that they were already wrapping up the show until I suddenly heard Bobby shout in the background.
"Good night, Bunny! I will see you again soon! Wait for me, okay? Sweat, I mean, sweet dreams! I what you."
And because of that I realized, I didn't need the au-nator after all.
And, damn, I actually cried the whole day.
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