Outcast ✧ Phan

Five

pain
noun
physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of freshly cooked bacon and eggs. Needless to say, I was terribly confused. Dad never got up this early, let alone made breakfast.

The aroma drew me out of bed, and I fumbled my way down the stairs and hallway. Soon I could hear the sizzle of it cooking on the stove, and I poked my head around the corner.

To puzzle me even further, it was not my dad that was standing by the food, but a woman. She was facing the other way, so I couldn't see her face, but her hair was long and brown, silky and straight all the way to its ends, where it curled up, like a chocolate waterfall. She was wearing a dress, and her skin was a gorgeous pale colour, looking soft and a tad breathtaking. I edged forward, stopping when the lady spoke.

"Good morning, Bear. Hungry?"

I froze, eyes wide as she turned around.

"M-Mum?" I breathed, stepping forward and blinking multiple times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. She remained, though, smiling brightly. This mum was different than the one I last saw, this one was the bright, cheerful, non-depressed mum I missed so much.

I jumped forward, wrapping my arms around her tightly, fearing she would vanish if I didn't keep grasp. She hugged back, of course, just as tight.

"I missed you so much." I whispered, taking in her scent, my voice muffled by her hair. "Why did you have to leave? Why didn't you come back sooner?"

I broke the hug, staring at her, waiting for an answer. She looked down at the floor, shaking her head sadly. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, staying like that for a minute before looking up, her eyes now dull and bloodshot. I stepped back twice when she coughed, blood splattering and dripping from her mouth. I watched with horror as her figure grew frail and deathly, veins becoming visible, crimson seeping from her mouth and the cuts on her wrists. She reached out to me slightly, but her movement faltered, arm beginning to crumble to dust and spilling to the floor, starting from her fingertips to her shoulder. The other arm did the same, as did her feet. I only stood, frozen, as her entire body fell to a pool of blood and ashes. "I love yo-" She whispered just before her head was gone with the rest.

I jumped up in bed, tears streaming down my face and breathing heavy.

A nightmare, Dan. It was just a nightmare. I told myself, trying to calm down, but the tears just kept coming, my heart aching with renewed grief. I haven't been this messed up over my mums absence in years, but right now, it felt like I'd just watched her die all over again.

I cried for at least fifteen minutes, not even bothering to contain my screams, clutching my chest. I wasn't sure if dad was at work or asleep, but I didn't care. He could hit me all he wanted for being too loud, but right now, this pain was far worse.

After I had calmed down, I wiped my eyes, sniffling and checking the time.

7:20am

Any other school morning, I'd be waking up around this time anyway, so I decided to just piece myself together and get ready.

After straightening my hair, brushing my teeth, getting dressed in my usual all black, and putting my headphones in my ears, I set out on my walk to the school. I was glad I lived close enough to walk, because I didn't want to ride the bus, and I hadn't been taken in a car since my mum died.

I hoped I didn't look too bad, considering I'd just pretty much cried my heart out. I was still sniffling, and my throat hurt, but I felt better. I needed that, honestly.