Not the End!

Chapter 21

It was a long time before Zorro finally fell asleep. But this time he had not needed the bottle. And after what seemed an eternity, he actually slept through the night without being haunted by anymore nightmares. He did not know what had done the trick. Chhaya's confession or Tanya's words. But whatever had spurred him on to normalcy and brought him a little peace, he was thankful for it. He had not read the entire diary yet. He wanted to savour it. One day at a time. Slowly, page by page, hearing her words again. Reading her mind. And her soul. No, he would not rush through. He clutched the diary to his chest like a talisman. He was going to carry it around. Never let it out of sight for a moment. He wouldn't be able to bear it if it was lost. It would be like losing Tanya all over again. And at night when all was still. That is when he would read the next entry. Her words a lullaby for his heart and soul. 

Today seemed like a brand new day. A positive spin on everything around him. It was time. Yes. It was time to get out and get things done. Zorro decided to go check in on some client work and maybe get through the day fueling on work. He showered and changed. Grabbed an apple for breakfast and headed for the door. Pooky stared at him in wonder, and just a little sadness. He had enjoyed the companionship of the last few days. Melancholic as it may have been. " Don't look so sad boy! I will be back I promise. And soon. Just powering out for a bit. That's all." House keys. Check. Wallet. Check. Cellphone. Check. Car keys. Check. Zorro walked down to the car park. The sunshine hit his face and he felt like a vampire out in the open. He had not seen the sun in ages. Not since her funeral. He had locked himself away and closed all the doors and curtains. No hiding now. He walked to the car. He unlocked the door. And stopped. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. All the enthusiasm and positivity whooshed out of him in an instant. There lying on the passenger seat was Tanya's raggedy old Tibetan shawl. Multiple hues of bright blue mocking him. She had always kept it there for every car trip. He turned the AC on too high, she complained. This was her protection against the blast of chill. And seeing it just lying there. Discarded. Knowing she would never use it again. Ever. It killed him. He pulled it out of the car and brought it to his face. Inhaling deep the scent of her. He wrapped it around himself. Locked the car and walked back upstairs. Shoulders hunched and tears streaming down his face. He looked at the floor as he walked. He did not want to face the sun again. 

Pooky was waiting for him at the door. Wagging his tail excitedly. This was a nice surprise. Back home early! Zorro kicked off his shoes. Picked up Pooky and lay down on the living room couch. " Just a trial run today boy. We will try again tomorrow. Or maybe not. But definitely not today. Today its just you and me. And the couch. And this nice soft shawl. See I brought a piece of her home. You can smell that, can't you boy? She's back with us. All you have to do is close your eyes. And inhale."

" I can't decide if that is a good thing or bad!"

" What? You are not sure if you are happy or sad that he was happy then sad, is that it Tanya the Terrible?!"

" It was Ivan the Terrible. And I am a good person. I think we ascertained that much earlier. And yes I am conflicted. I mean it made me happy to see him try and return to the person he was. To get back to normalcy. To get out of the shadows. And then I realized happy people don't commit suicide. So it was a bad thing he was happy. And then he got depressed again and started crying. And then walked back into the darkness and crumpled into an old man again. And that breaks my heart. I am not sure whether I want him to be happy or sad. Weird, isn't it?"

" You are weird. And yes it is normal to be conflicted about your emotions. After all you do care for him. I can see that. So if it affects him, it affects you. That is fine. You can still take a call you know. Walk out of here and into the white light. He will cope with life just fine. You know he can, after today."

" Nope. I am walking into the white light with the other part of my soul. Or not at all. No halfsies there. Mission Suicide is still on. So don't you dare chicken out."

You cannot linger indefinitely child. Your time on this earthly plane is limited. You must resolve your issues quickly or move on. You may stay stuck at The Gateway forever and move down to a lower path. But you do not have unlimited access here. Your soul needs to understand and move on. But not take eternity. Keep that in mind, and hurry on.

" Heh! Who knew even Heaven had a limited data plan! You run out of talk-time, they cut off access! They could use Floyd for their soundtrack:

 So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. "

Tanya merely quelled him with a murderous and slightly panicked look.