How Santa Learned the Truth About Christmas
Copyright © 1997 Wayne Hicks
There's something to be said for being different. I've often found that the little pointiness of my ears gets me attention, and not all of it is unwanted. That's kinda the way it was last year, right after the Boss and I had our big blowup.
Y'see, I was never too keen on cold weather. To me, it's one of those things in life that you have to put up with, but nothing to be happy about, and that's what caused the blowup. The Boss decided that I had to go along on the Big Night, and I tried every nice way I could to get out of it, but he wouldn't listen. Finally I just told him, "Nope! Sorry, Boss but flyin' around at thirty thousand feet in an open sleigh, with nothin' but a silly green coat and a pointy hat just ain't my idea of how to spend Christmas Eve!"
Just figured it out, didn't you. Yeah, okay, I'm an elf! Wanna make somethin' of it?
Sorry. I get a little sensitive about my heritage. So many people poke fun at elves that I guess I get a little paranoid whenever I have to mention it!
Anyway, Santa got really ticked, said things like what kind of elf was I, didn't I know my place, what about all the little brats, yah yah yah! Mrs. C. was afraid he'd have another stroke, so I just gave up tryin' to reason with him, and later that night I packed up and split! Caught a cargo flight headed back to the WeBeToys warehouse in Florida, and the next morning I was stretched out on the beach at Miami.
(Whoops! Forget I mentioned that cargo flight. Ever since the UFO scares in the fifties, the world's governments have required us to keep our existence a secret, sort of, and the cargo runs come under the heading of some government alphabet groups even the U.N. doesn't know about!)
Anyway, early December in Miami, Florida is a lot like spring in the northern parts of the U.S., so the water was warm and people were swimming and sunbathing all around me. I picked up a chaise on the way to the beach, laid back in it and soaked up some rays! I'd been there about an hour when she laid out a towel next to me.
Now, contrary to popular misconceptions, elves are human! Granted, we live an awful long time compared to most folks, and we're short (don't even go there!), and of course, there's the ear thing, but the sight of a pretty girl in a fairly modest bathing suit caused me to get a touch of a headache from peekin' out the corner of my eye. She was tall for me (most girls are but I like them that way), had long blond hair, a perfect figure, a face like an angel, and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen! I peeked hard!
She noticed.
After about ten minutes she looked me right in the eye, and said, "Okay, look. You're watching me, and I'm watching you. Are you the kind of guy I can trust, or should I run away now?"
Direct, and to the point! I like that in a girl.
"I think I'm okay," I said. "What about you? I mean, you're gorgeous, so that's why I'm lookin'. Why are you lookin'?" I can give as good as I get.
"Your ears," she answered. I started to bristle, but she went on. "I've never seen ears that were really pointy, and I think they're adorable!"
So, like I said, not all the attention my ears get is bad.
We started talkin' then, and the day seemed to sort of slip away. I told her all about where I had come from, and I could tell she didn't know whether to believe me or not, at first. Then, when she did believe, she kept saying how cool it was, and I didn't want to burst her bubble, so I toned down the fight between me and the Boss. She had such beautiful eyes…
I hadn't even noticed that the sun was getting low, when she said," Look, um…"
"Elford," I supplied. Somehow, despite the exchange of biographies, we hadn't gotten around to introductions.
