Remembering

Ch. 11

A couple of weeks passed with no more excitement. I finally was able to talk to Alice about boundaries and how I'm not her doll to dress up nor am I somebody she can try to set up with a deviant Scotsman. The first point was hard for her to accept, but she did after many hours of protest and her "seeing" that we could have fought for days and my position would not have changed.

As for the second point, she just smirked and said pointedly, "I don't think I need to meddle with the way you two are going."

And she was right. Brian and I had been practically inseparable since the hunt. We were in a constant cycle of annoying eachother to playing to flirting to argueing and back to irritating the crap out of eachother. Then repeat a couple times a day. It was getting so bad that Jasper and Edward were complaining about how our pent up "sexual tension" was going to kill them. Something I argued did not exist.

The only time we were not together was when I went hunting. After the last hunt, I had refused to hunt alone with him again and insisted on either hunting in a group or with one of the Cullens.

As for my plan to become more independent, I was able to convince Jasper (and by extension Alice) to help me. Long story short, Jasper was willing to lend me enough money invest and buy stock with ,along with the falsified documents I needed to prove I was an adult. Then it's just a matter of playing wall street to get more and more money. And with Alice's uncanny ability to predict market trends, my bank account now had enough to pay back my loan with interest and still put a down payment on a SUV.

I kept busy though and found it easier to pass time if I kept up a routine. I would shower and get dressed at dawn. Then I would spend the morning working and then go shopping online with Alice. During the afternoons I would hunt or read, usually with Bella (who I found out was a fellow book worm), then Reneesme would come down from her lessons and our lessons would begin.

After living a couple days with the Cullen's I soon realized that Reneesme was not a normal kid. It was to be expected but I was still shocked to see that she did not know any popular music nor had ever seen a Disney movie (or any iconic movie for that matter). Needless to say I was stunned. So , to remedy this catastrophe, I offered to teach Reneesme everything a girl her age should know. We coined it "Muggle Studies".

Tonight I was giving my lesson on Mean Girls. After answering multiple questions about Lindsay Lohan, Regina George, why that one girl was wearing so much black make up, (etc.) we settled to watch. Edward joined us (to make sure the movie was appropriate) and so did Bella. Brian was already there, sitting on the couch with me, paying more attention to a lock of my hair than the actual movie.

It was at that scene where the gym teacher tells his class "Do not have sex. If you have sex, you'll get pregnant and die."

"Wait a minute...," I thought and started laughing like crazy. Edward, Bella and Brian , who were watching the movie with us, looked at me weirdly. I opened my mouth to explain, but I saw Bella and started laughing all over again. Edward heard my thoughts, growled and stormed out of the room. Bella just looked at me questioningly, while I tried to control myself.

"You heard what the gym teacher was saying about sex?" I asked half giggling.

"Yes," she said cautiously.

"He was right," I said with a half laugh. She just tilted her head at me with confusion. "You had sex, got pregnant," I couldn't hold my laughs in for much longer. "AND DIED!" I barked out and broke out laughing. Bella smiled hesitantly, seeing the sad irony in that statement.

"I always was horrible at gym," she said ruefully. Brian chuckled a little, but was more concerned about me.

In the past two weeks I had been my usual strong happy self, but at the moment it probably looked like I was having a psychotic brake down. I had shoved a fist in my mouth to silence the hysterical laughing, but I was still shaking. I don't know when it turned into sobbing, but soon a half strangled sob escaped my lips. Bella called an end to our lesson and took Reneesme upstairs, leaving Brian and I alone in the TV room. I was already leaning on Brian, but when I started crying I was pulled onto his lap fully.

A good five minutes passed of me shaking uncontrollably in Brian's arms.

"What's wrong, a leannan?" Brian asked quietly when I finally quieted down.

"I'm dead." I croaked out.

"I dinna follow."

I sighed. "I didnt have sex or get pregnant and yet I'm dead. I was good, or at least good compared to most teenagers, and yet I'm the one who got changed." I turned to him. "Don't you see, I'm dead."

Brian just hugged me tighter and tucked my head under his chin, for there really wasn't anything he could say. We sat there for some time. His breathing calmed me and my eyes closed as I relaxed.

"You're very comfortable," I said quietly sometime later.

Brian chuckled. "Thank ye," he said. We lapsed back into silence. I thought about Reneesmes story and a realization hit me.

"I can't have children, can I?" I finally asked, stunned.

"Carlisle and Esme managed," he responded quietly, rubbing my back.

"You know what I mean."

"Aye. I do. And no. Ye can no mother a child."

"But you can father one" I snorted. "Tell me the justice there"

"Anyone tell ye life is no fair."

"Yes, they did. As a matter of fact I'm living proof of that statement"

"No!" he yelled. A furious growl erupted from his chest. Turning me around on his lap so I was facing him, he seized my arms roughly and shook me hard.

"No! Ye are blessed. But ye are too damn daft to see it. Ye have a family of people who care for ye, are makin' money on your own, and have a beautiful place to live. So what are ye complainin' about? The huntin'? Well I hate to tell ye but humans hunt animals as well." His accent was getting broader with his emotions and his eyes were livid, making him sound and look like a berserk Viking. I had gone quiet under his furious glare wanted to look away but he shook me to get me to look at him. "Promise me somethin'. Dinna hurt yerself again." His voice broke slightly and he grabbed my wrist where I had ingured myself. There was a slight scar there from the bite and his fingers traced over it with a surprisingly light touch. He looked at me pleadingly.

"I promise." I said so quietly that only he could of heard me. Suddenly I realized just how close our faces were and that I was straddling him.

Up close this man was near perfect. As much as I was ogling him out of the corner of my eye, I was more focused on his lips. He had a nice set of wide lips that were little on the full side. He leaned his lips closer to mine and I unconsciously leaned forward in response.

Our lips met in the barest whisper of a touch, but to my overly sensitive skin it was enough to spark a raging fire in me. I responded passionately and he grabbed my waist and pulled me tight up against him. His hand continued to roam toward my back and up. He held me as we kissed in a mix of released pent up feelings and emotions. His tongue flicked against my upper lip in silent question and I opened my mouth in permission. His tongue caressed mine and gently explored my mouth. I quietly moaned at the taste of him and melted against his chest. His hands drew back toward my hips, lightly touching the ribs. He traced the bottom of my shirt and slipped a hand under.

All of the sudden I had a moment of déjà vu. I knew this was familiar, but I caught on to only a shadow of the memory. It wasn't a good memory though and I panicked as fear raced through my system. I froze and he stopped. I pulled back a little and he looked at me with concern in his eyes. He withdrew his hand and pulled my shirt back down. Hesitantly now he leaned forward and tenderly pecked my lips. I just sighed and gave him a small content smile. I gave him a quick and playful peck on the lips and then turned around on his lap. I curled up on his chest and just relaxed. His arms circled me and I relaxed in them.

"I wish I could sleep." I commented, snuggling into his chest.

"I'm glad I make a good pillow," he said dryly.

"We all have to be useful at something." I said playfully. He pretended to be insulted and "tried" push me off him. That failed and we ended up closer than before. At around mid night we got up and left the house, as was our routine, and went to my meadow (although he still claims that it was his first). And , as was the norm, we talked, laughed, flirted and fought like any other night. The one difference that night was the slight air of tension that caused our laughter and bantering to sound a little forced. We both tried to ignore it as we both tried to pretend nothing had happened and that nothing had changed , but we both knew that wasn't true.