Candidate Girlfriend

3.3

Lo and Ro

The official first day of classes is proving to be an eventful one. I guess it's fighting to be a memorable one, to be remembered. Isang araw pa lang at ang dami ng ganap. The fact that this is only the first day stresses me out.

But that's not what is making me mad at the moment. What's making me mad is that it's the first day of class and it seems like somebody has already managed to upset Ror.

I pull her by hand to my car and start the engine when we get in for the air-conditioning. Pauwi na din naman kami. It just so happened that I got called into the office and got stuck there for another two hours. Tsk. Dapat inuwi ko na lang muna si Ror eh.

I turn to her in my seat and watch her squirm in hers. My eyebrows form a knot at the obvious discomfort she's displaying. Bakit? Ano bang nangyari?

"Ror? Okay ka lang?"

"The boys told me," ang tangi niyang sagot na lalong nagpakunot sa noo ko.

"Told you what exactly?" Maybe Phillip bullied her again and Jared went along with it. Or maybe it was Zeke who upset Oliver which in turn upset Ror. Tsk. Naiinis ako. Iniwan ko lang saglit si Ror sa kanila and they've managed to turn her mood like this. How do you ever trust a bunch of fucking kids with someone important nowadays?

"About their plan. Looking for your candidate girlfriend. Did you know about this?"

Kahapon lang nila naisip 'yong plano tapos ganito na? Alam na agad ni Ror? I make sure to school my expression well and maintain a poker face. I can't lie to her.

I nod and watch her every reaction carefully. Her eyebrows form a knot as she stares at me as if she's studying my reactions too before making a move.

"You want to have a girlfriend?"

I answer with a shrug, watching what her next reaction will be.

"Are you sick of being with me, Lo? Have I taken too much of your time to the point that you no longer have enough for yourself? Have I been selfish... again?"

Where did she get this idea? The fuck, hindi ko gustong nagagalit pero kung nanggaling 'to sa Lucky Nine, tangina.

"Don't blame it on them. They're just trying to protect you."

"But I don't need protecting. Not from you."

"Everyone needs protecting from me, Lo. Kahit ikaw. Especially you."

I...ano bang ginawa nila kay Ror?

"Ror, listen to me. Remember? Out of everyone in the whole world, I'm the only one you should trust. Whatever anyone tells you, you don't listen to them. Especially when it's about me, about us. We've talked about this before, right? It's you and me against the world, remember?"

A tear escapes her eyes which makes something inside me hurt. How do I protect her but at the same time not prevent her from living her life? I can't just serve as a human shield forever. It's not like I can be there for her all the time.

"How can you love me this much?"

"It's because we're the same, Ror. We love until it hurts."

"Pano kung ayoko na? Kasi masakit? Lo, pano ka? I don't want to hurt you. Ayokong maubos ka."

I smile at her and ruffle her hair. "Ang drama mo. Hindi ako mauubos, Ror. Hanggang nandiyan ka, buo ako."

"Talaga?" I nod. "Kahit sarili ko lang ang isipin ko? Kahit magsawa na akong magmahal ng kahit sino? Kahit...kahit masaktan kita sadya man o hindi?"

"Bakit ang kulit mo?" Her smile mirrors my own which makes my heart swell. Paano ako mauubos kung nakikita ko pa lang siya, pakiramdam ko kaya ko na ang lahat?

"Kasi ang kulit mo din."

We both laugh at that.

"Uwi na ba tayo or what?"

"Uwi na. Di ba you promised Einstein you'd walk him?"

"Yup, pwede namang mamaya pa."

She shakes her head and wears her seatbelt. "Gusto ko na umuwi. I miss my baby boy."

We stay silent for a while as I drive home until she speaks again.

"Love you, Logan."

I clear my throat before answering. She has no idea how much her words are affecting me. Shit. Why does it have to be Ro that I fall in love with? I don't want to lose her but I don't want to be her best friend forever either.

"Love you too, Ror."

xx

We walk in silence with Einstein in tow. It's already dark out and I can feel the cool night air of June. Nights like this, walking with Ror and her dog, make me think of the future. Will I walk with her like this until we grow old? Or will she walk with her dog as I walk on my own in two different roads? How do you imagine a future without the person you've believed will always be there beside you? Nakakatakot. I don't even dare think about it because who will I be without Aurora? She's my constant. Whatever the world has to say about her, I will always still love her. She will always be the person I come to because Ror is my home.

"Lo?"

"Hm?"

"Ever imagine what it will be like once you get a girlfriend someday? Siguro you won't have time for me na. Imagining you with another girl is painful for me, to be honest. But I can't figure out why. Maybe because I'm so used to the idea that you, Logan Buena, belong with me, Aurora Faeldin. What if, no? What if you were the one meant for me pala?" She turns to me and meets my eyes. "Will you be happy to know that we've always been meant for each other? Paano ba malalaman 'yon?"

I chuckle at her randomness and look up at the stars. Her question has me thinking, lagi naman. Ror isn't afraid to ask what most people are afraid to ask because they are scared they won't like the answer. She's afraid of not knowing the answer or knowing it too late. She once told me that it's because if she knows the truth, then she can do something about it to change it if she doesn't like it. Ror hates depending on fate. It makes her feel helpless and weak.

"I think it will be a relief for me," is my answer after thinking about it.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Because I wouldn't have to adjust to being with her because you and I have been together more than half our lives. I wouldn't have to convince myself I loved her or wonder if she's the one. Because, Ror, if God would appear in front of me now and told me we were meant for each other, I would gladly choose to keep you over anyone."

"And what if we're wrong? Pano kung we're not meant to be?"

I smile at the clench I feel in my chest. Pano kung hindi? It will hurt but...

"I'll set you free so you can find the person meant for you."

"And you?"

Me? Ano nga ba? A life without Aurora?

"I will wait for you to come back to me." Because, Ror, even without fate or destiny, I've already decided to put all of my bet on you.

She frowns at this and turns to me. I see it in my peripheral vision but I don't turn to her, afraid she'll see something in my eyes which will make her pull away from me.

"And if I don't come back?"

"Then maybe I'll die waiting."