The Encyclopedia Of The Weirdest Girl In School

D

Death-

Death is the hardest topic of all to talk about. No one ever wants to talk about it because nobody ever wants to think about it either. That is why this one is going to take me the longest to write. I have experienced quite a bit of loss, but some of it is normal. Kind of like how I don't have any great grandparents left, I mean not many people do. The hardest ones are the ones you are closest to. The first one that I remember happened when I was in Oviatt. I was probably in either Kindergarten or First grade. The saddest part about this one is that I can't even remember her name, or how she was related to me. The only part of that I still remember is crying in school the day after the funeral. I didn't cry at her funeral though. Back then I didn't cry at funerals because I hadn't known them very long and there was nothing for me to cry about. Well, at least that's what I thought. I don't know what triggered the crying but once I started I couldn't stop. I remember going to the counselor. She was one of my favorite adults in the building. She was nice, sweet, and knew how to talk to me. I remember her telling me to draw a picture of me and her. That is the only memory that I have of her now. It was us playing a game in my grandpa Larry's shed at his farm. I don't know what happened to that picture, but it's ok. The next one came a little bit later. My grandpa Benny had died. My grandpa Benny was my dad's stepfather. He smoked so it wasn't a huge surprise when his heart and some other organ shut down, and that was part of the reason why. What I remember most about him is how he was always so nice to me. And the fact that his funeral was the first funeral I ever cried at. I still miss him, but I don't think of him as often anymore. Next one was in 2012, but this isn't a confirmed death. In December of 2012 my cat Tigy went missing. I remember crying and screaming out his name in our backyard. I prayed and prayed and I still pray to this day that he will come back, but he hasn't yet. I miss him every single day of my life. He was the best cat in the world, and I always wondered what made him go. Was it me? Was it something I had done? I still wonder to this day if it was my fault that he left. I didn't go out to see that cats very often anymore after that until that summer. That summer I started going to see the cats again, but then tragedy struck again. In December of 2014 Rago went missing. He was the most loyal cat you can imagine. My favorite memory of him was in the summer one day when my sister and I decided to have a picnic in our backyard. None of the cats would come up to me for some reason and I was really sad about it. But then, I felt Rago rubbing up against my side. I miss him so much to, but my biggest fear is for Acee. Acee was our third cat. He was and is an attention hog no doubt about it. I love him though. He has super soft fur and will always love you no matter what. I'm worried about him going missing to though. this December will be two years from when Rago went missing and four years from when Tigy went missing. I just hope that he stays with us. The most current one happened just last November. My grandpa Larry. He was the nicest grandpa you could imagine. He always had candy and I loved hanging out with him at the farm. My favorite memory of him was four wheeler riding. We used to do it all the time. It was so much fun. He had developed cancer almost a year before so he knew it was going to happen soon. We all knew, but none of us wanted to believe it. I sang at his funeral and, of course, I cried my eyes out. I'm about to start crying again. I even got to put a song I wrote for him in with him. I was going to record it and give it to him. I never got to. All of the grandchildren also got a rose. I pressed it and am going to hang it in my room. That rose makes me feel so good everytime I see it. It makes me feel safe, like he is in that rose protecting me. I miss him everyday to. I'm really thankful for the time that I got with him though, and that I got to sit down next to my dad and support him through it all. I know that he is with me still and that he is helping me through it all. I love him and will always love him, but I'm glad that he isn't suffering anymore. "Tears are prayers too. They travel to God when we can't speak." Psalm 56:8