In Omnia Paratus (AU) - Book 1

Just shut up.

"Through here." Richard held my arms guiding me through the hospital and to the room where I could sit and be alone. I wasn't crying anymore, but my face was blank and lifeless. My eyes drooped low out of tiredness.

"Alright in here." Richard murmured as we walked through a door into a room that was tiny with like a few sofa chairs lined up together. "You look tired." He brushed his thumb under my eye where I clearly had bags. My eyes looked down at the floor.

"Come on, lay down." He whispered sitting me down on the chairs and then lifting my feet up and forcing me to lay down. "Everything's alright Jen." He whispered as he stroked my hair. Gently he leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. Just try and sleep." And he stood up and sat on the one chair I wasn't laying on.

I closed my eyes whenever he checked on me but for a few hours I was just awake, lying there and replaying the last hours events over and over in my head. Richard probably knew I was awake but I didn't care. How could I sleep now?

These last months were for nothing. All that pain and worry was for nothing because she, my little girl, was gone.

Richard bent down in front of me whilst I was staring forward, my eyes bloodshot and hurting as I was so tired. I just stared straight on. "Jen." He whispered. "I know you don't feel like talking, and that's understandable, I get that but Victoria wanted your permission to tell your dad and Lily what's happened?" He asked me gently.

I nodded slowly not even blinking properly I stared beyond his eyes at the wall behind him. "Okay Jen." He leaned in and kissed my forehead and for moment I even winced at the thought of him near me.

He left the room leaving me completely alone. Probably the worst thing he could have done.
- - - - -

"Oh my god." Her dad choked hearing the news. "Where is she? Is she alright?" He spoke worried about his daughter. He couldn't imagine loosing a child it made him feel sick at the thought of it.

"She's in the next room along." Victoria told them. Lily was in the back on the room and completely silent. It hit her hard to begin with. Richard watched her carefully as Matt was there for her, with his arms around her in case she wanted to cry.

Lily stood up and approached Richard and they stood opposite each other for a bit looking sad before they hugged really quickly to stop them both from crying.

"Let's go see Jenna." Lily said backing away from Richard and holding Matt's hand. Richard wanted to say no, that Jenna wasn't ready for visitors but they seemed eager to see her.

The three of them entered the room and stared at Jenna laying down in the chairs and Lily and Matt shared a worried look.

"Jen." Lily hummed as I saw in the corner of my eye the three of them just standing there and staring at me. "Hey." She continued. I shuffled and then slowly sat up on the middle chair letting them sit down beside me. Matt on my right, Lily on my left and Richard opposite me.

"You alright?" Lily placed a hand on top of mine that was resting on my leg. What a stupid question. Of course I wasn't alright, but what else was she meant to say to me in this situation. I shook my head blankly.

"Come here." Lily mumbled wrapping an arm around me and pulling me in for a hug. I crumbled and my whole crying cycle started again. I thought I was out of tears but for some reason, and I would always do this, the minute someone gave a chance to relax and hug them, I would cry and just break down.

I could feel the sympathy in the room. It was heavy and I knew everyone felt sorry for me but I couldn't think of anything other than she wasn't here.

"This is all my fault." I sobbed into Lily's shoulder.

"No it isn't. Don't say that." Lily hummed trying to get me to calm down.

"It is. I could of stopped this..this whole thing. It was that fucking bus crash. That's what they said. I had Maisie early because of late impact." I was starting to get angry now backing away from the hug.

"No no no. You don't need to blame yourself that bus crash was an accident." Matt told me rubbing my arm gently.

"Exactly." Lily agreed.

"No." I demanded standing up. "No I shouldn't of been on that trip. I should have just gone home and I'd still be pregnant with Maisie for another two months! Everything would be alright. She'd be fine." I stressed out as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Jen that's not how it works." Richard started talking again.

"Just shut up. In fact no, shut up and fuck off." I shouted at Richard but aimed it at them all before I stormed out of the room. The door slammed and tried my best to loose myself within the hospital crowd and sneak outside as quick as possible without being caught.

- - - - -

"Jen. Wait." Richard stood up straight away opening the door and looking out there but couldn't see her. "She's gone." He sighed walking back in the room. Lily and Matt raised their eyebrows.

"Look guys she didn't mean it. She's stressed, don't take it personally." Richard suddenly tried to defend her. He was right, they shouldn't of all tried talking to her, she was fragile. Is fragile.

"Give her some time and she'll come back." Matt said smiling gently at Richard to make sure they understood Jenna's situation.

"Yeah you're right. She'll be bored and she'll come back." Richard edged a smile before sitting back down on the sofa and placing his head in his hands.

"You look rough." Lily frowned.

"Tired." Richard uttered.

"You can sleep for a bit if you want we'll chill out in the next room and wait for Jen." Matt smiled Kindly.

"Yeah wake me when she's back." Richard begged.

"Okay see you in a bit." Lily and Matt murmured as they left the room leaving Richard alone for a bit. He felt like crying but he was too tired to break down now. He needed sleep.