I slumped down in my bed in the darkness. A mistake, A mistake that's what I was to Tyler, a mistake. Why was I taking this so hard? So he kissed my forehead a couple times, that meant nothing. I was supposed to hate him but i valued his opinion more than i would like to admit. He had been in my life for so long, and one night made me a mistake.
"You are a mistake"
"No nononononono, the voice is back, why, why is it back?"
'Why would Tyler like you?"
"No, go away! Why? Why are you back?" I yelled in my head. But then the answer hit me like a ton of bricks. Tyler. Tyler's voice. The voice stopped when I started listening to Tyler at night.
I frantically grabbed my phone off my nightstand, selected my TOP playlist, and listened to Ty's voice play through my speakers
Silence.
It stopped. It was gone. Why did Tyler make it go away? How was I so reliant on him without knowing it?
I just laid there, listening to Never Change, and staring at my ceiling fan until I eventually fell asleep.
-
My alarm rang in my ears, jolting me awake. "Why do we have to leave so early?" I whined
I quickly ran downstairs to make sure Alyssa was awake, before putting on Tyler's sweatshirt, taking it off and switching to a band sweatshirt and sweatpants. Then I jumped in my car to go withdraw my savings and get some tea from the cafe i worked at. I had called my boss the day previous and told her about everything and she was totally cool with it. I think it was only because she not so secretly was a huge fan of Tyler and Josh.
I arrived back home at 7:45 am and the bus was already there, probably because Josh needed more clothes and stuff from his room.
"Hey sis" Josh yawned as Alyssa handed Mark her suitcase.
"Hey Josh" I paused and looked around "Where's Tyler?" I questioned as i noticed he was the only one not there.
"I think he went inside to use the bathroom or something."
"Oh okay." I said as I ran upstairs to my room, but of course, with my luck, ran directly into Tyler and knocked us both to the ground.
"Sorry! Sorry! Sor- why are you in my room?"
"I was getting your suitcase" He gestured to my bag that was on the floor.
"Tyler I don't need your help!" Liar. i thought. You had to hear his voice in order to sleep last night.
"Wait, did you just call me Tyler?"
"Yeah why?" I crossed my arms
"N-Nothing, it's just you only seem to call me that when you're mad at me or trying to make me seem, i don't know less personable." He stared at the ground while swaying
"Yeah well maybe I'm just not in the mood for nicknames!"
"I-Is this about t-the text?" He stumbled on his words
"Why does it matter? You made it quite clear I'm a mistake! I understand, i don't need you to elaborate! I got it okay, I'm a mistake." I grabbed my suitcase from the floor.
"Sam, that's not what I mea-" I cut him off "Tyler please just stop, I'll see you in the bus. I just need to get some things." I calmed down but felt the oh so familiar sore throat from holding back tears. I sniffled and hung my head low. And Tyler just hugged me
"I'm sorry Sam, but I can't lose you both." And with that he pulled away and disappeared into the bus.
"What the heck does that mean?" I whispered as i grabbed my backpack with my notebooks, wallet, camera, and other such things.
"Ready Sammy?" Josh asked as i locked the door
"Uh we'll see" I chuckled, hoping onto the bus
"Okay Rudy, so the last bottom bunk on the left is Ben. Above him, Dan. The bottom on the right is Michael, above him me. Now up here, left side, Alyssa on top bunk, you on bottom. Right side, Tyler on the bottom and Josh in the top bunk." Mark explained
"Wow, quite the system." I said chuckling
"Well we have the lounge slash game room behind the bunks. Bathroom, kitchen, and dining table up front before the driver and passenger seats. Oh and there's cubby holes in your bunk for your stuff and-"
"Think we got it Mark!" Alyssa said patting Mark's back
"Okay, then off we go!" Ben yelled from up front
I smiled, climbed into my bunk and closed the curtain. I bobbed my head to the music in my ears and just focused on throwing up all my feelings into my notebook.
Minutes passed, hours. Then there was a knock on the wood trim by my bunk "Sam?" Tyler squeaked "Yeah?" I slammed my notebook shut
"Can you open the curtain?" I sighed and drew back the curtain to see a very glum Ty. "Everyone went to Domino's to get pizza, Josh is getting your favorite." He forced a smile and raised his shoulders.
"Hmm, thanks." I mumbled
"Sam can you just come back to the lounge?" He sighed. I obliged and followed him. "Sit." He motioned to one of the couches. He pulled his laptop to me and handed me some earbuds that were plugged into the laptop.
I stared at him. "Just please" he pleaded. I popped the earbuds into my ears and sat Indian style, waiting for what I was about to hear.
The piano song filled my ears
"I don't know
Where I am supposed to go
So I might just
Take my pride and go
Some people, they know, know everything
But I know that they don't know my heart
Cause I, oh yeah, I believe in love
And I hope I can show you what I mean
And I don't believe love's for me, oh
So won't you come around and prove me wrong
Won't walk the world
Any different
And my path won't change until you
Make a wall and make me fall
And break me down
I don't know, no, I don't know
If I wrote this song in vain
Vain, in vain, vain
Oh, yeah
And I - oh, yeah I
Believe in love
And I hope I can show you what I mean
And I don't believe love's for me
So won't you come around and prove me wrong
Prove me wrong, yeah
You don't know me
And I don't know you
Tell me, what should I
Do?
Oh...
So won't you come around and prove me wrong"
As the song ended I took out the earbuds and stared at my lap "How Ty?"
He paused "What?"
He's just showing you music, shut up! I thought
"N-nothing. It sounds good Tyler." I smiled
"You don't like it?"
"Ty everything you create is fantastic. I just don't know why you want my opinion." I slouched into the couch and Tyler sat next to me and rubbed his thumb around my palm.
"Because you mean a lot to me Sam."
"Hmm" I mumbled, I noticed his eyes widen but then squint.
"S-Sam"
"Yeah?"
"The song is" He paused "Is for y-you" He fumbled on his words as he intertwined our hands. "I can't explain more than that, right now. But Sam I really do care about you."
I sighed "Why?"
"I could say the same to you." He blinked his eyes. Wait are those tears?
"Wait what?" I asked, confused
"Why didn't you talk to me?" He studied my hand with his eyes
"The past like 3 years, I thought you hated me. Why would I talk to you? Ty what are you on about?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" He paused again "How old are these?" My eyes widened as I realized he wasn't studying my hand, he was studying my arm that my sleeve uncovered.
