H.O.P.E

Chapter 16

450 calories

Recently the effects of my diet have been catching up with me making it harder to act normal, however, this proves that my diet is working alongside my daily weight inspections. I am losing weight and, while I still wear baggy clothes to hide who I am, I feel I will soon show off my new shape. At the moment I still don't feel comfortable wearing tight fitting clothes or shorts due to my shape, the tightest thing that I will wear is my jeans and they are getting loser by the day.

The dizziness that I have been experiencing has become worse recently, now meaning that standing in one spot for any length of time has become difficult and standing up from lying down is virtually impossible. I also feel faint constantly, although I think that might be because I am so dizzy, but I am scared that I will faint at school and give away what I am doing. The worst part is the migraines; they are so painful and can attack at any moment, making it impossible to focus on any given task including school work.

The signs show that this diet is working and I can't stop now it's getting hard, because I have a list of things that I need to improve about myself otherwise I may find that I lose all those closest too me. I hate knowing that if they just find out those words, if the messenger chooses to share the information they have on me, I will be abandoned.

Sighing, I turn off my alarm and start the struggle to overcome the dizziness I'm experiencing from assuming an upright position. My head is spinning round and round, my vision is blurred and a harsh pain is piercing through me, almost daring me to try stand. Feeling the beginning of a migraine forming in my head, I fall back into bed praying that my mum will allow me to have a sick day. Why does it have to affect me in this way, I feel like the diet has taken control of my life, I feel my body has betrayed me.

"Dad!" I shout as loud as I can, but the action only furthers my pounding head, increasing my frustration.

"Yes, I was just about to leave for work, are you okay, you look like shit" My dad responds as he walks to my room instantly making me feel better. Not.

"Well thanks for asking, no my head is killing me and every time I try to get up it begins to spin." I state praying that he just thinks I have some form of viral bug.

"You get some sleep and I'll tell your mum that you won't be going to school today, but she's is on a late so she won't be around and I have meetings the entire day so I can't come home early." My Dad says making my almost sigh in relief thankful for the day off, but also the time alone.

When we get ill my mum will normally be home so will look after us and we have quite a good day, but when my dad is home you just want to kill him. While he has your best interests at heart, he will tell you to get some sleep then decide it is the perfect time to hoover.

Sighing I climb back under the covers in an attempt to hide from what is wrong with me, to protect me. I decide to try and sleep off the migraine and dizziness as I haven't been able to sleep much lately, so that may be the explanation for feeling so crappy.

Hearing the creaking of a door, I stir to see my mum standing over me looking guilty for waking me.

"Sorry, I have to leave for work now, I was just checking you were okay before I left. I will lock the door behind me, so you just get some more sleep, sorry for waking you." My mums says and I don't really register much still in my groggy sleep state.

"Wait, you're leaving already, what time is it? I thought you were on a late." I say suddenly realising that mums shift doesn't begin till 12.

"It's half 11, you have been asleep all morning, not that surprising though, you always have liked a lie in." My mum jokes as she leaves the room.