Saving Myself

Two boys but only one Lanie

After the movie, Drake drove me home. However, he was uncharacteristically silent. I would sneak quick looks at him every few minutes but he didn’t seem to notice. It seemed like he was contemplating about something. I began to get worried.

Did I do something wrong? Did I say something? Was I too awkward? Oh god… now he’s probably regretting ever asking me out. I shook my head slightly. Damn. I was starting to sound like one of those girls on TV that freaked out over every little thing a guy did.

It’s not like I was obsessing over Drake, even though it sounds like I am. I just really want him to like me. I don’t want him to give up on me. Although, it’s really selfish because I’m not sure if my feelings for him are more than just friendly, I want him by my side all the time. I was sick of feeling alone all the time and Drake made me happy. He was a good distraction from all the horrible memories that keep haunting me.

I was so deeply concentrated in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the car being parked in my driveway for almost five minutes. Drake didn’t make a move to get out of the car and neither did I.

For a few moments, we just sat there, fiddling with our hands and staring out the windows. I didn’t want our date to end like this but I couldn’t find the courage to speak up to do anything. Was I supposed to kiss him now or something? I was so confused…

Finally, before I went insane with all the contradicting thoughts in my head, Drake turned towards me and spoke. “Did you have fun tonight Lanie?” He asked seriously.

I nodded automatically. I did have fun. Although there was some awkwardness here and there, overall, the date went pretty great.

Drake seemed pleased with my answer. “So I was thinking hard about something…” He said confirming my suspicions earlier about him contemplating about something.

I nodded and prompted for him to continue.

“I was thinking that maybe I wanted you to be my girlfriend.” He murmured quietly.

I sucked in a breath. I was not expecting this at all. Though deep inside, there was a spark of excitement that he wanted me that way, I knew that Drake and I dating would complicate lots of things.

“I know it’ll be complicated and difficult with everything… but I thought about this and I really like you. I want to be there for you and help you.” He continued on while looking deeply in my eyes.

His warm brown eyes captured me for a moment. His words were sincere and genuine. I could tell that much from his gaze.

But how could I be sure about this? I wasn’t even sure of my feelings for him! I know I said before that I wanted him to like me. That was only because I didn’t want him to give up on me or leave me.

Things would get very complicated. Drake knew about my past, he knew about my problems and I knew he would try to fix me. He suspected that there was still more that I’m hiding from him and he’s right. If we dated, I’m sure he would try to figure out every piece of my past.

On the other hand, didn’t I say I was sick of feeling alone? Didn’t I want to spend more time with Drake because he made me happy? This was all true. He was sweet, kind and I knew he wouldn’t hurt me purposely. What more could I ask for in a boyfriend?

Plus, maybe if we dated, I could finally get to like him and we could be happy together. That’s what I wanted after all, to be happy. I enjoyed spending time with Drake and if this meant that I could continue doing that, I would consent.

After what seemed like hours of thinking, I decided that the pros outweighed the cons. I had come to a conclusion.

Drake seemed to sense that I made a decision and he popped the question. “So Lanie, will you be my girlfriend?”