"We're all fifty shades of fucked up."
-Bring Me The Horizon, Join The Club
****
Ace,
I looked up the music like Mrs. Parker said. It helps distract me. All I had to do was search for music, then metal because country and pop and hip hop and R'N B and blues and classical wasn't for me. Then I started clicking some of the songs off to the side, the recommended songs based off the song I was listening to, and that led me to Classic Rock, screamo, metal core, heavy metal, alternative, and some other one's I just don't know the name of.
I am now a fan of Bring Me The Horizon, My Chemical Romance --even though the recently broke up-- AC/DC, Aerosmith, Avion Roe, You Me At Six, D.R.U.G.S, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Fleetwood Mac, Ghost Town, Her Bright Skies, la Dispute, Led Zeppelin, the older Paramore, Queen, Suicide Silence, Pink Floyd, and some more that I don't feel like naming. I guess that's a pretty diverse set.
I was up late last night just listening to them all. My favorite, I think, is between Bring Me The Horizon and My Chemical Romance. Even though I wish'd they hadn't broke up before I got the chance to actually see them. Not that I would have ever went to see them regardless. I still would have hoped and talked about it.
My favorite song, though, is Join the Club by bring Me The Horizon. It just kinda reminded me that even though I am alone, there are millions -sadly- out there that are going through the same shit. I don't know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that 'we're all fifty shades of fucked up'.
And in a sick and selfish way, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one suffering.
I know, I shouldn't. That's a bad thing. I shouldn't want anyone to go through this. I should be here, alone, like I deserve but it's comforting to know that there are people in this club. This apparently 'emo faggot' club- as said on the page that played the song.
People are so dumb. I just don't understand- if you know for a fact that you do not like metal, or rock, or alternative, or whatever, why go to a song specifically in that genre just to tell the fans of that band how "depressed" they are?
I just stopped scrolling through the comments because they were giving me bad thoughts and Mrs. Parker said that if anyone ever says bad things that lead to bad thoughts that I should just leave.
The music, I wont go as far as saying it's a cure. I don't think there's one out there. Not for this. I'm like the deadliest cancers. They will probably never fined a cure. But the music, I don't know, it doesn't cure, but it delays. No... that's not it either.
It distracts.
Even just for three or four minutes. Or an hour if I'm listening to an album. It distracts me. And sometimes, I really need a distraction.
Maybe in one letter, about fifty or sixty hundred letters down the line from this one, I'll feel comfortable enough to actually tell you how bad it is. And maybe, just a slim possibility, that in that letter it won't be how bad I am, but how bad I was.
I'll stop here before I plaint to much hope. High hopes fall faster to reality. These hopes are like a piece of paper being drooped off of the top of a tower. I'll let it sway for a few seconds before it fully meets the ground.
And I'm sorry I'm already apologizing for hopes that I just set because that shows how much faith I have in myself and I'm sorry that it's probably lower then you all want.
-Daniel
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Hello, My Name Is Daniel
Teen FictionDaniel's mom sends him away to a boarding school she believes will help him. Or at least, that's what the doctor told her as she signed the papers after Alice, his sister, brought him to the hospital. Battling depression, faced with neglect, dealing...
