Blinded by friendship

Gone.

[TRIGGER WARNING]

Quick note so there are fewer misunderstandings. The words in bold are phrases she cant seem to get out of her head, and that she relates to. 

"I won't be here for a while", She said, hoping they would spare her some attention . They didn't, all they did was shrug and say 'I don't care'. She began to wonder if they were ever, truly friends. She hesitantly walked away, not wanting it to happen.

'Not this again.' , she thought to herself. She walked as far as she possibly could to get away from them. She didn't want them to see her crying.

She didn't want them to see how weak she truly was.

She wanted to sit, her legs were aching. Sadly, she wouldn't risk the chance, she knew she had to keep moving. No one had to find out, no one was going to find out.

As she reached the mount of rocks, she enviously watched a group of people, specifically a group of friends.

Unlike her they were together. Unlike her they were laughing, smiling as if the found something "oh-so-funny", specifically they were laughing at her.

No. Not really, this wasn't aimed for her, she was just hallucinating. She softened her gaze as she saw them share hugs. All of a sudden she felt sick. She took a huge intake of air and felt dizzy. Clutching her stomach, she keeled over. The sun was shining a tad bit bright for her mood and the world was humming with joy, it seemed so bright. Too bright.

She tried composing herself as she ran behind the building, she knew she would get caught later. But, right now she couldn't care less. She just wouldn't let anybody see.

She felt tired, alone, hungry, but most of all, she felt lifeless. She would tell her friends about her "all-night-er", they were always so curious as to why she never seemed tired. It wasn't even interesting, if you ask her, her life was a nightmare. Even with her 'friends' around.

She was just a huge ball of diagnoses, anorexia, insomnia, depression, you name it! It truly was a wonder how she was still alive.

Now, she felt hungrier than ever. The pain that came along with her hunger wasn't soothing anymore. It was painful, it felt like her stomach was eating itself. Maybe it was. Her eyes were trying to shut themselves, but she wouldn't allow it. For if she did, they were never to be opened again.

Her breaths were getting shallow as the moment went by, she had to lean against the wall. She had enough, she didn't care if anyone saw her. No, not anymore. She just had to release the pain, the pain she had tried to lock away. The pain that had somehow, found it's way out.

She slid down the wall and cried. Remembering all the times she was bullied, remembering all the times she was abused, remembering the few times she was actually, truly happy, remembering..

All her emotions had been sucked up, sucked up by an invisible source. She no longer was in control, she could no longer have peace from within. She was bruised and broken, nobody could fix her. Not even if they tried, not that they would. She knew it was getting close. But who would care? She wanted to end it happily, but it's all too late now.

"Everywhere is still, everything is restless in my heart. I hate the way this feels."

She truly did feel this way, nothing ever changed. She could never calm down, she had always wondered,

'Why couldn't I be normal?'

"The days are dark when you're not around, the air is getting hard to breathe.."

Her days were only dark, she couldn't deal with it. She needed a refreshment. But, where would she get it? The air would always be knocked out of her, she couldn't think straight.

"I wish that I could go to sleep"

Oh if only...

"I'm tryna to keep myself alive, knowing there's a chance it's all too late."

There's nothing you can do, when the time comes.. that's...that's all..

"I should let you go, tell myself the things I need to hear. That's why i'm loving you when you're not here. Feels like I drown in your every word, and every breath that's in between. Somehow you got me where it really hurts and it's killing every part of me."

She was filled with remorse in this state.

'Why did I even get close to you? Why do I still love you after every bad thing you've done to me? Why do I still trust you? Why did you lie? Did all my courage and everything get focused on you only so you could throw it in dirt? I might not be normal, but I-'

"It's getting harder everyday, i'm way past every moment. But i'm still determined to fight and I know it's taking all my strength."

'I can't do this anymore, please help me, I want to die. No. I want someone to save me, please just anyone. Everything changes, why can't my memories change? I want to keep going, I want to try. but it's slowly draining me. You never loved me did you? You just lied. I was a fool, I fell for your act. I was blind to it. no, I was blind to your "friendship" , Why?'

As life slipped out of her, she was only bombarded with unexplainable questions. She never needed someone to cry when she died, she only needed someone to care, or slightly die inside when the found the unbearable pain she was dealing with. But, that didn't matter now. The only thing that mattered was that she was finally free.

A/N

If you know where these words are coming from I will love you forever. Any-who, I don't usually write stuff like this, I was just bored, sad tired and hungry one day and- this was created *shrug* I don't know man, I don't know, sometimes your just sad okay? Also, don't forget to comment and vote(if you want)!

[unedited]

~pap

Just to lighten the mood :-)