A Mind Reader's Mind

How it started

To be honest, sad ang life ko. Sad o worse pa. I have anxiety problems. Yong lahat ng bagay binibigyan ng bad meaning. Yong lahat ng sinasabi ng iba dinidibdib. Lungkot noh? Yong lahat ng mali kong nagawa, maliit man o malaki, di maalis sa isip ko and it takes days or weeks para makalimutan.

Sad ako kasi broken-hearted ako. Di lang broken-hearted na iniwan ng taong pinaka especial sa buhay ko. Oo yon din, kaso may mga experience din naman ako na na durog talaga yong puso ko.

So you think this is a drama serye? Sess. Wait ka lang, di pa ako nag uumpisa. Haha.

Ready your tissue already. O panyo? o medyas. Kaw bahala.

Last year, this happened. We were going to a resort. Malayo sa amin, sa city. Its like 4 hours land transpo so maiinip ka talaga.

Yon, sad ako kasi nakakainip yong 4 hours. The end.

Ahaha. Plus 1 hour pa sa terminal. See? Sad diba.

Oh iyak na.

Pero seryoso, yon yong pinaka masakit na araw sa tanang buhay ko. I lost people I so care about, 5 of my friends. In just a blink of an eye, lahat nagbago, lahat. As in lahat. Yong perspective ko sa life at yong lahat.

Lahat na lang na pwedeng mabago.

What would you feel if you wake up, sa isang hospital. Wala kang kakilala, ang daming tubo nakakabit sa you. And you can't talk kasi feeling mo nananaginip ka.

And kahit kinakabahan ka masyado, you have to calm yourself.

For a second I thought nasa heaven na ako, and then I realize, wow ha napaka assuming ko naman para mapunta don. Eh kasi eh, ang daming nakaputi. Diba pag hell, eh sana naka itim yong mga tao don.

So may lumapit sa akin na doctor, chineck ako. So I asked 'Saan po ako?' na parang gusto kong umiyak kaso unti-unti ng nag sink in sa utak ko kung anong nangyari. I tried to stay calm talaga. So i asked again, this time sa nurse na. 'Ate, ano po yong nangyari?'. Walang sagot.

So I closed my eyes. Pray. What happens next was unbelievable.

I heard voices. So i open my eyes.

Nobody's talking.

So I asked again sa nurse.

'Doc pano ba natin sabihin na wala na yong mga kaibigan nya?'

That's what I hear from her. So its like I heard her talking but she's not actually talking. I mean she did not even open her mouth.

So i did not believe them. Of course I did not want to believe them. Who even wants to believe that?

I asked again 'Saan po yong mga kasama ko Doc?'

Then the doctor told me everything.

That I was the lucky one.

The lone survivor.

Spared by the circumstance.

That I should be grateful.

But then I didn't even feel gratitude, even until today.

But guilt.

That it should've been us.

But wait.

You must be asking ano yong voice na narinig ko? Yon na yon, ito yong start ng pagka mind reader ko.

See hindi ko ito na learn from school. Or sa pag inom nga bato. O pinanganak na manghuhula. And obviously hindi naman ako mukhang ermetanyo. Di naman ako isinumpa o ano. Basta, it started that day. So hindi ko lang alam kung paano but yon yong kwento.

Pero secret lang natin to ha? Wala pa kasi akong nasabihan. Wala din naman akong planong ipagsabi. Gulo eh.

And baka wala ng lumapit sa akin.

Wag na.

Anyway, this is how it started.