The Marauders: Year One | #Wattys2016

The Confession of Severus Snape

The Confession of Severus Snape

Lily Evans stood in the doorway of the Great Hall at breakfast next morning, waiting. She'd only just been released by Madam Pomfrey and come down - not to eat, as Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus had done - but to see Severus Snape. She watched Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors, and other Slytherins move into the hall, joshing and pushing one another about, laughing, unaware of all that had gone on the night before - not a care in the world. Finally, after what seemed eons, Severus finally came up the stairs from the dungeons. When he saw her there, across the entrance hall, he came to a stop and stared at her, relieved to see her, and apprehensive of what she would say.

She nodded toward the door.

Outside, they walked a little way down the path that led across the grounds from the front doors of the castle without speaking. When they reached a crest in the hill, overlooking the edge of the forest where Lily and the boys had entered the trees, she stopped and turned to him. "Dumbledore said that you were the one who told him what was happening last night," she said, eyes pinched with confusion. "How did you know?"

Severus hesitated.

"You were looking at my mind, weren't you?" Lily asked gently, prodding him to tell her the truth.

Severus shook his head - it was not a lie. He'd tried to look into Lily's mind, but he couldn't find it, which had been what had ultimately prompted him to go to Dumbledore.

"What then?" Lily demanded, "How could you possibly have known?"

Severus sighed and gnawed upon his bottom lip. "Yesterday, at lunch, I saw you... sitting with... with them," he said. He rubbed the back of his neck as he confessed, "I couldn't stand it, I just hate when you sit with them! It burns me up, I get so jealous, Lily. They don't deserve your company, they're a bunch of bullying gits! Especially Potter... the way he thinks about you... it infuriates me! And I - I can hear his brains so clearly it was like they were broadcast about for the entire world to know. He was worried about you, though, thinking how he'd rather you didn't get involved, afraid what would happen if you did... and then relieved because you didn't want to be. And I wondered involved in what - they're never up to any good, after all, and - well, I didn't give much of a damn if you weren't involved, so I only half paid attention to the rest of his thinking. All I got of it was that it was dangerous and involved the Forbidden Forest.... I wanted to tell Dumbledore, but I didn't know how to tell him what I knew. I didn't want to tell him about my ability."

Lily asked, "Well, then, why did you tell him?"

"Because I woke up during the night feeling utter panic and I realized I was hearing him again, and he was afraid - for you - and that's when I realized that you were out there. And he was thinking about the Dark Lord and what would happen if the Dark Lord caught you and --" Severus stopped. "I told them you'd told me about it and I'd thought you were just kidding until I'd seen you go."

He'd thought enough about what would happen to Lily in the presence of the Dark Lord for a very long time. Muggleborn and as prone to sass as Lily was, it would take no time at all before she'd infuriated Voldemort. The thought made him queasy. So queasy that he'd been nearly dizzy with fear as he'd run through the castle, yelling for Dumbledore or Moody the night before, desperate for somebody - anybody - that could go to save her.

Lily reached out and took Severus's hand in hers. "Thanks," she said, smiling at him, "You saved all of us by doing that. We didn't know what we were getting into. It was so scary, Sev! He's awful, you should have seen him, he's just awful."