~Jaime~
"That's not the girl I saw yesterday," I whispered into Tony's ear.
"Yes, it is," He replied back with a smirk, obviously already a little drunk from when we went to a bar with Sleeping With Sirens after our show.
I shook my head and headed back towards the bunks, overhearing "Austin The Great," or as I like to call him "Austin The Delirious," introduce himself quite eagerly to Scarlett. I didn't hear an answer. I had began to think that maybe she didn't like talking. Or maybe she was a selective mute. Well, maybe she didn't like her voice. She does act really insecure all the time... I mean, it's not like she would ever tell me. What if she couldn't tell me?
'God, Jaime! With all the shit you're asking yourself, you might as well just ask her!' The voices in my head yelled at me.
I climbed into my bunk and immediately started searching for my headphones. While my hands and eyes were busy looking for something to occupy my ears with, my mind wandered to what would be going on tonight.
It was a party. A party that mainly every person around here who wanted to get laid went to. But, that's not what bothered me. What bothered me was the fact that it was Anna's party. Anna, the drunk slut who's breasts and half-covered face are on the cover of about one hundred Playboy Magazines. The reason why there's so few, practically no one buys that shit in fear of their girlfriends or wives finding out, everyone uses the internet, and she was "Limited Edition". Limited edition my ass. She's ugly as fuck.
'She's better looking than you'll ever be. There's a reason she's on the cover, dumbass!' The voices prodded me.
As soon as I found what I was longing for, my hand went straight into my back pocket, pulling my phone out. I plugged my headphones into my phone and opened up the lock screen. My thumbs fumbled to hit the numbers. One, nine, eight, six. I was on the home screen. I softly tapped the glass, opening up Spotify. I browsed my playlists, choosing one that said, "Classic Rock". Setting the playlist on shuffle, I turned the volume up loud enough so everyone on the bus could hear it, hoping that they would get the message that I really don't want to go to Anna's party.
I barely even listened to the music, my mind wanting to go elsewhere. So, elsewhere it went. I kept thinking about all the people and bands who are gonna be at Anna's house, getting drunk and accidentally cheating on their soon-to-be ex-girlfriends. The thought sickened me. I was tired of prostitutes and sluts who didn't want me for me. They wanted me for sex and the plain fact that they would get to brag to their friends and clients about how they had sex with Jaime Preciado. Come to think of it, all girls were that way. Even most of the fans.
''No one wants poor Jaime for love, they want him for lust. Aw.' Shut up, dimwit. Be surprised they actually want your fatass. They probably don't even say anything to their friends because they're embarrassed,' The voices are winning; I won't let them.
I paused Photograph by Def Leppard and took out my headphones. Massaging my temples, I could've sworn I heard Alan Ashby's voice.
"...We're all going to a party later. Wanna come with?" He asked cautiously.
Whomever Alan was talking to must've said yes, because he screamed yes and told them to be ready at about ten. It was already eight o'clock. I heard loud footsteps run to the exit and the door creak open slightly.
"Oh, and, uh... Scarlett?"
Wait... Was he was talking to Scarlett this entire time or was this a side note to Scarlett?
"Wear something cute."
OH, HELL NAW. If she's going, I'm going! I climbed out of my bunk as fast as I could and ran towards the bathroom. As I opened the door, I could distinctly hear Tony say, "You best get ready, Scar. Alan doesn't like to wait"
He must be more drunk than I thought... I quickly shut the door behind me, put toothpaste on my toothbrush and started to brush my teeth.
If Scarlett goes to that son-of-a-bitch's party... I'm not even sure she would enjoy it. I mean, Tony's gonna be drunk in the first five minutes, Austin's gonna be up her ass all night, and Alan... Well, judging by the way I heard him talk to Scarlett just now, he's definitely looking to get laid...
When I was done cleaning my teeth, I looked in the mirror and just stared at my reflection.
'You hideous piece of shit, look at yourself. And, I mean REALLY look at yourself,' The voices instructed.
I followed the instructions without thinking twice.
'You're nothing. You're a waste of space; A waste of air. Why are you even living? No one cares about you. You're fat and ugly,'
I staggered backwards with my hands cupped around my ears. As I sat down on the bathroom floor, I whispered to the demon voices in my head, "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"
'You're a fucking whale. Get it? A. WHALE. You're huge! It's hard to believe you even fit through-'
I got up and started searching for something I knew would bring me relief. I found it under the sink, taped high on the wall, close to the cabinet door, just the way I left it two months ago. I grabbed it without hesitation.
'-doors without any help!'
I pulled my pants down and examined the scars that were littered on my thigh. I pressed the blade lightly onto my skin but, not enough to draw blood.
'Do it, you worthless shit! It's not like anyone would care!' They persuaded me.
I pressed down a little harder but, I couldn't bring myself to drag the blade across my thigh. I could feel tears trickle down my face as brought it away from my skin. Putting the blade away, I stood and pulled my pants up.
'You ignorant fucktard! YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! You can't do anything right!' The voices progressively got louder.
I ran out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, opening one of the drawers and pulling out my medication. I heard footsteps behind me but, I didn't care.
"Jaime, what are you doing?" I heard a soft voice ask.
"Taking my meds," I replied.
"Which meds?" They placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Zyprexa," I answered quietly.
The hand on my shoulder tugged at my shirt, willing me to turn around. The next thing I knew, I was in Vic's arms, crying hysterically while he stroked my hair.
"Jaime, you're not supposed to take that until twelve o'clock," He said gently.
"I know... But, I couldn't help it. I missed the last dose and I thought I could be strong until the next but, I can't, Vic. I can't. They're too loud," The last two sentences came out slurred by how much I was sobbing.
"It's okay. Sh. You're safe now," Vic quietly ensured me.
"Vic?" I asked, looking up at him.
He looked at me with a sign of question on his face.
"I..." I looked down again. "I-I almost relapsed..."
"Oh, Jaime," He sighed. "My beautiful, sweet Jaime... Please, don't ever think for a second that hurting yourself is okay and is in any way, going to take the pain away. I'm here for you. You can always talk to me if the voices get too loud or if you should ever feel under appreciated."
I looked at him, sniffling, "Really?"
"Really," He smiled. "And, um... Actually, if you don't mind me asking... What were you going to cut yourself with? I thought I took all of your blades..."
"I was going to use one of the kitchen knives..." I lied silently.
"Is that why you came out here?" Vic questioned.
"Yes but, then I changed my mind and went for the medication."
"I'm proud of you, Jaime... You see? You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Don't ever let the voices win."
Vic wiped my tears away with his thumb as I smiled at him. I couldn't believe I had just lied to one of the only persons who kept me living.Vic smiled back and kissed my forehead, bounding off toward the bunks.
"Don't take your meds 'till twelve, Jaime!" Vic yelled over his shoulder.
"Gotcha!" I chuckled to myself.
I put the pills back in the drawer and walked back to the bunks. When I arrived in front of mine, I pulled out a pair of all-black Vans. I did NOT want my toes to get mushed by trashy, drunk sluts wearing stilettos. I slipped my feet into them and kneeled down so I could tie the laces. When I was done, I took my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It nine-thirty.
I really didn't have anything more to do so, I sat in my bunk, closed the curtain, and took my headphones out. Again , I set the playlist to, "Classic Rock." But, instead of hitting play on Photograph, I just hit shuffle again. The song that came up was Frogs by Alice In Chains.
I exited Spotify and went into iMessage, hoping maybe if I ask, someone, other than Alan, would take me to Anna's Party. I asked Kellin but, he said him and the rest of Sleeping With Sirens wasn't going. Then, I asked Austin and he said he was going with Alan, Phil, Scarlett, and Tony, but there were six seats in Alan's van so I could probably go. I told him it was fine, I could just go with someone who has a less crowded car. So, of course, I asked Vic. Yes, through iMessage. He said I could go with him and Mike. A flood of relief waved over me. I really did not want to go with Alan. Reasons why: His van smells weird(kinda like raw fish mixed with coffee grinds served with a side of Satan's piss mixed with Axe and Febreeze), he always has this shitty music playing on full volume, and I didn't want to be a full-on stalker. Yes, that's right, I'm going to follow Scarlett around all night like a rapist. Which is funny because, I'm trying my best NOT to get her raped.
My curtain opened a smidgen and I saw Mike peer through the crack.
"You ready?" He asked.
"Yeah, give me a sec," I replied.
I turned off my music and loosely wrapped my head phones around my phone. I jumped out of my bunk and walked to door, where Mike and Vic were waiting.
"You all set?" Vic asked.
"Totally! Who's ready to get fucked UP! WOO!" I screamed throwing my head back.
"WOO!" Mike followed.
Vic just chuckled at our stupidness. We ran out to the car and hopped in. Vic in the driver's seat, Mike in the back, and me in the passenger's seat.
Vic turned the radio to some old radio host who's deep, mellow voice dragged out her words. She was talking to someone who had called the radio, asking her to play her wedding song dedicating it to her husband who died in Afghanistan. Of course, the radio host agreed to play it. And, sure enough, she did. The lady's wedding song was At Last by Etta James. Big shocker there.
I rested my head on the cold glass window and let the sweet, soothing sounds of Etta James's pure, natural voice pull me into a light slumber...
