The Current Playgirl meets the Former Playboy[Rewriting-OnGoing]

Her painful story

Lucky's Point of View.

"Gio, I'll sleep first" I said to Gio Kristoffer before I kissed him in the lips and enter my room.

But unlike what I told to Gio, I didn't sleep. I leaned to the back of the door and started to cry like a baby. I am so weak. So weak. Why Pritzelle? Bakit sa loob ng matagal na panahon na nakayanan kong maging matatag kayang kaya niya pa rin akong pabagsakin na parang wala akong naipundar na mga pader sa pagkatao ko? Bakit  ganoon nalang yun kadali para sa kanya?

I look at my balled fist, It's trembling really hard. I don't know if it is because of anger or because I want to punch his face.

"Pathetic! You cry over a guy? How cheap you are! Stop acting like stupid, wipe your tears! I don't want to see those bullshit water coming from your eyes ever again!"

That's what exactly my father told me since I arrived in Korea, years ago.

That's when I saw Ace's kalook-alike there and I thought it was him. I thought that time that pain is haunting me.

I cried so hard that day, as far as I remember, I've imprison myself again there for three days. I don't know how I managed to survive with that.

In my fourth day, I thought I will be in the same place again but I'm wrong. My father kicked the  door and also me. The door broke, and the way I saw it my father is really angry with me.

On the other hand, I saw his eyes full of concern, that's when I feel that my dad still care about me.

After that day, lumabas ako ng kwarto. I studied hard kasabay ng pag aaral ko sa pagpapatakbo ng kompanya. Until, pumasok na rin ako sa showbiz sa Korea. I started to be a model in different fashion show hanggang sa mag offer na rin sila ng commercials and other projects. Lahat ng iyon inaccept ko, I keep myself busy to be able to forget about my past.

Pero as what others say, you can't hide to your past.

One time, I flew over to Australia for a commercial and a fashion show, at the same time I decided to stay there for a week and have a vacation. That time, Gio's not with me because Dad needs him. So I travel without anyone else in my side except my manager.

Hindi ko alam kung sadyang sinuwerte lang ako, o destiny nga bang masasabi but that fashion show, they were sponsored by the Whittaker. And that's the time I saw him.

At first, I am not even sure if it's him. He's with a girl and I am pretty sure it's not Khate Adrienne. The girl looks familiar pero hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya nakita.

I was about to leave the show pero nagkasalubong kami. Face to face. Eye to eye. Hindi ko alam, but my heart beats really fast that time. And that's when I realize that I'm still over him.

I ran fast. Umiwas ako, lumayo. Ayoko siyang makita dahil lahat ng pananakit niya bumalik sa ala ala ko. Lahat ng nangyari pakiramdam ko hindi ko matakasan. Iniisip ko na patuloy pa rin akong hinahabol ng nakaraan ko.

And after a long time, bumalik ako sa pagkulong ng sarili ko sa kwarto. Hindi ko alam kung naging gaano ako katagal na nagkulong doon basta nang nagising ako nasa Hospital na ako.

When I woke up, I don't remember anyone. Wala kahit na ang mga magulang ko at si Mamu hindi ko maalala. I feel so worthless that time. Pakiramdam ko non, ako ang pinakabobong tao.

My doctor explained to me and my parents na mayroon akong mental disorder non. It is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. It may be cause by severe medical illness, sexual abuse, physical abuse and traumatic events. In my case, trauma ang naging sanhi nito.

Wala pang gamot sa sakit na ito, pero sumailalim na ako sa maraming therapies. Mga therapies na magbabalik sa mga ala ala ko. Having DID is not easy, para ka naring may amnesia sa sakit na ito pero sa tulong na rin nila Mommy and Daddy nabawasan kahit paano ang naging effects ng DID sa akin and I came back to my usual self.

But masama para sa akin ang mga bagay na maaaring magpatrigger sa sakit ko.

Like Ace.

Yung nangyari kanina, it's an effect of my disease. Para bang nawawala ako sa sarili. Yung pakiramdam na parang lahat ng tao pwede akong saktan. That's why, I always want to be alone.

Dahil rin sa DID, nabago ang personality and behavior ko. That's why marami akong nagiging kaaway sa showbiz ganon din in real life.

Pero ang pilit kong isinasaksak sa kokote ko, na kung hindi dahil sa Whittaker na yan hindi ako magiging ganito. I will never be sick. Hindi ako magkakasakit ng tulad nito.

Sinira ng Pagmamahal ko sa kanya ang buong buhay at pagkatao ko, and I will never forgive him for that. Kahit na lumuhod pa siya sa harapan ko.

Loving him is what I regret the most.

----

Wew.

~TheAnimatedWriter/Sisterduday

Copy right© 2016

All right reserved.