Bad versus Bad

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Kai's P.O.V.

Thursday morning I am standing downstairs at Havyn's, waiting for her to finish getting ready for her Father's funeral. As I pace the foyer in my black clothes, I can't help but think back to the night that Havyn read the letter her dad left her. Reluctantly, she let me read it. Every word tugged at my heart, so I can imagine the effects it had on her. I have been desperately trying to get her to open up, however I haven't had any luck. Sarah told me a couple of days ago that it would take time with Havyn, and that I might as well sit back and wait. Well I can't do that, I won't. I will not sit back and watch her keep everything inside. It will crush her. 

"Ready?" Havyn asks, snapping me from my thoughts.

The black she is wearing suits her, but under these circumstances, I don't exactly like the color on her. For a moment I stand in place, staring at her, taking her all in. Her usual sparkling eyes no longer glisten. There is no fire left in them anymore. Where her hair is usually a beautiful, curly mess, it is now only wavy and without the usual wild look to it. Havyn's entire demeanor is nothing like it used to be, which drives me mad internally. 

"Uh, yeah," I mutter. 

The drive to the church is quiet. Havyn doesn't even bother to turn the radio on. I try to the noise up, but she reaches forward and turns the music off completely, leaving only the sound of the tires on the pavement. She is leaning back in her seat, staring out the window at the rushing view outside. I reach across the car, grabbing her hand in my own and squeezing it, but she doesn't return the gesture. She only sits there, letting her small hand rest in mine. My heart drops into my stomach, because for the first time I am slowly starting to realize that she is pushing me away, slowly but surely. 

When we pull into the church, I walk around to the passenger side and open the door, holding out my hand to help her down from the small drop, but she doesn't take my hand. She jumps down into the parking lot, landing on her heels fine. I feel my shoulders slack. I want to grab her hand as we walk to the front doors of the chapel, however I don't because of the fear that she will resist my contact all together, which would kill me inside. 

All of our friends are sitting in the first, long pew. Havyn sits on the very end near the aisle, while I take my seat right beside her, hoping that she still wants me here. An older woman walks up wearing a black business suit, taking Havyn's hand and expressing her condolences. Havyn only offers a small smile, clearly not knowing who the woman is. A few other people stop by to speak to her, but she doesn't speak a word to any of them, only nods her head and smiles politely. I half expected her to tell them to all stop acting as if they were really sorry. 

"How is she doing today?" Sarah whispers, sitting beside me. 

I shrug my shoulders. 

"Is everything okay?" she asks, still speaking softly. 

"I'm not really sure," I say, the words hurting as I say them. 

"The service is starting," Finn says, hushing us.

For an hour I sit here on this pew beside the only girl that I have ever loved, listening to different people speak about her father. The funeral directors asked Havyn if she wanted to speak, but she refused, stating there wasn't much to say. They didn't hassle her about it thankfully, because I would have surely beat their asses. When the last man gets done speaking, everyone slowly starts filing out of the church to walk over to the cemetery right across the street. I stay close to Havyn's side, even though I really think she could care less if I was here at the moment. 

Our relationship is hanging on by a thread, and Havyn has the scissors. 

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