Thoughts...

looking back...

I hate looking at my suicide note. I imagine what it would be like if that's really how I left everyone. So much has changed since I wrote that. My family does know about my sexuality and they also know how much I'm struggling. Since I wrote the note, I was put in a psyche ward for 18 days and I got put on 2 different medications to regulate my mood disorders. Looking back I think I'm glad I didn't leave when I planned to. yes I'm still depressed and more suicidal than ever now (OMF TØP reference) but I've learned so much since then it's breath taking. I met an amazing friend (yes you friend you know who you are you follow me and we literally just met this semester) and I realized how much support I do have. I would've died without my parents knowing what was going on and I wouldn't have had the relief of coming out to them. it does kind of give me hope though that if I just keep pushing off my suicide that maybe I'll learn stuff that gives me a reason to live. hopefully someday I'll have a reason to live. I just gotta wait tho.