Invisible

~3~

"Honey" my mom called as I walked through the door. Crap she's home. I walked in the living room to meet my mother watching tv.
"Hey" I said in my best impression of being happy.
"How was-" she said but stop when she saw my shirt. "What happened? Who did this" she asked very concerned.
"No one mom" I lied. "I just dropped my food on my shirt and tried to clean it off" I said acting like it was no big deal. She looked at me with a more calm look.
"Okay.  Well go change" she said with a weak smile. I couldn't tell if she believed me or just pretended to.
I went upstairs to my room and just drop on my bed. I laid there for awhile thinking about my day. And tears just flow down my face. "God why  did you make me like this" I whispered to myself. "Did I do something wrong that you had to make everyone hate me" I snapped.
I got up and put my tv on. I wasn't even paying attention to the tv when my phone buzzed. It's probably my dad checking on me. But then it buzzed again and again. I looked at my phone to see text messages from blocked numbers.
You're a freak. The first one say.
Kill yourselves.
I saw what happened today. You're so pathetic.
Did you really tired to kill yourself.
Why me? At this point I feel worthless. I went to the bathroom and got one of my clean razor. I took the blade out and just starred at it.
You are stronger than this. I heard a quiet voice said. I just kept staring.
"Just one cut. In the right spot. Then I'll be gone. I'll be free" I said to myself as tears flow down my face. "I won't be a disappointment anymore" I kept saying to myself. "Just one cut. Hitting the right vein and I'll be free as a bird. I'll be free from the pain. I might even be truly happy" I kept saying to myself. Over and over again. "I deserved to be happy. To be free" I said as I brought the razor closer to my skin. "That's all I want" I said putting pressure on the skin. "Just slid it across your wrist you piece of shit" I said getting angry with myself. "God you can't do anything right. You're weak" I snapped at myself while dropping the blade.
"Honey. Time for you appointment" I heard my mom called. Great. Just fucking wonderful. I looked into the mirror and all I could see is failure.

***

"How are you" my therapist said.
"Wonderful" I lied. As I looked around her room and notice that she changed her curtains.
"And school" she asked.
"Good" I lied again. I wonder why she change her curtains.
"Angelia you have to open up in order to get better" she said putting her notebook down.
"Why should I? It's not that you care anyways. And when I do you say something, I say the seem shit over and over again" I said snapping at her.
"I do care Angelia" she said now taking her glasses off to look me in the eyes.
"Yeah. Sure you do" I said not really giving a damn.
"I do. I wouldn't be here if I didn't" she said trying to make me believe her. Only if she knew that I really don't give a fuck.
"Yeah. So if you weren't getting paid to listen to my problems will you still care" I said and waited for her answer. I don't know, but I kind of hope that she was going to say yes or say something, instead of being quite. "That's what I thought" I said I little disappointed.
"We have like twenty minutes left" she said with a dull tone.
"I know. Why you change your curtains" I asked.
"I got tired of the old one" she said looking at her curtains. "See that's what you need to do. Get away the things that your tired with and change it" she said to no one in particular.
See everyone have problems. I wonder if my therapist see a therapist for her problems. That will be weird. But anyway there's many therapist for different reason.
"Okay. Listen I'll open up to you if you open up to me" I said looking at her. She didn't answer right away. She just looked at me. "I think it'll be a great idea. Considering you want me to open up. But how can I open up to you if you are not doing the seem. It's only fair" I said hoping to God that she said yes. I don't know why I want to know her personal business but I do.
"Sure. Why not"  she said with no emotion in her voice. Something is better than nothing.
"Have you ever been bullied" I asked her. She doesn't look like the type that gets bullied. She very pretty and have a great figure. As I look at her I wonder if she was always this confident in herself.
"Yes" she said looking like she was there all over again. Her body was slump over and she has fear in her. True and honest fear. I recognize it from anywhere. It took me by surprise that someone like her was bullied. What could they possibly bullied her about. Her being too smart, too pretty, too confident. I just don't understand. She looks like she have it all together.
I guess the old saying is true; don't judge a book by its cover.
"When? And what for" I asked and she looked at me with pleading eyes. It screams please don't make me recall that terrible memory.
"Well it was sophomore year at my new high school. I didn't want to move but my mom and I had to. My dad had passed away and we couldn't afford anything. So we moved. We moved in a crappy house in a crappy neighborhood and had crappy things. My room was like a shoe box. It didn't have enough room in it. It just had one window, a heating vent, one dresser, and my bed. That's all. Anyway I wore the same clothes everyday but I tried to switch it up just a little. But people noticed. This girl name Chelsea pointed it out. In front of everyone. Why would she do that" she paused for a little and then continued. "Ever since then people started mocking me, teasing me, and laughing at me. But look who got the last laugh now. Me. That's who" she said with tears flowing down her face. My heart ache for her.
"I know how you feel" I told her on all honesty. I've been where she is. And worst. I understand her pain. She is truly brave.
"Looks like our time is up" she said looking at me. I just nodded my head. And grabbed my stuff.
"Thank you" she said looking at her notepad. I just nodded again and headed out the door.