Save me // kim Myungsoo // Park Chorong

Chapter 1: Hell

Summer, April 2007 (Philippines)

The deals finished, they'd all go out, my so called family. They're all invited in my cousins debut at a beach resort, and they will be out for a week or so on,on the fourth week of this month, I think so, based on their loud chattering during breakfast that I've heard. What family would do such cruel thing to just leave a family member, not even asking if they'd also like to join them. Oh, wait, I'm not invited, I forgot, they're all ashamed of me being one of their family member, that our relatives doesn't even know me.Hah.I feel sorry for myself that my father's not here.It's always the two of us, against them, but I think now that He has to work in a far far place, only having the chance to be at home once for a month,It's just me against the whole world.

It has always been like this, and what's worse is, i can't change  a thing.
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"Hey, you sweep the floor, I'll do the dishes and washing of clothes. Tell me when you're done, I'll immediately mop the floor.Okay?", I told to Ishmael, my younger brother,but as always he timidly ran into his room.

"Why is it that you're not the one who's gonna do it? it's always us!!!", said Samuel, my youngest brother.

I just shut my mouth, because if I'd do the other way around, it will always end up with me being the bad one.
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"Why didn't you washed the dishes and how come it's so bothersome looking at these kitchen when I surely left it cleaned!!!!? Did you mop the floor? Why's the fridge empty, I told you to shop in the market, oh and the bathroom's not yet cleaned?!!!" my mother roared, she just arrived , but she's mad again. And it seems like I'd take the blame again, even though I spent the whole day cleaning the whole house, doing every chores even.

Is it in a person's nature to look at the bad side more than the brighter one?

"It's my fault, I forgot to.", I sighed heavily, having my head bowed. I can see my two younger brother eavesdropping on the door while having those big grins in their faces. They surely didn't do the task I told them to.

"How come, God gave me a daughter like you? A horrible monster.How can you become succesful just like your brother, David. Now, he makes half a million for a living, while you, you're still a stuck up bitch.You never do anything!!", she was fuming with anger just now. I stood still, not bothering to shout back, but, I did something great, mother, I've always hid my tears, I've always kept these feelings even though I'm dying inside, I've tried my best not to bother and worry you anymore, I've tried to be strong and still trying, because I love you guys so much that it's hurting me.

I'm not a maid , right? Maybe I'm much worse than that, they don't even pay me.Hah, who am I even to tell this, they don't even acknowledge my presence.

I wish I had a best friend, or a sister, or even a great mother. I wish I have someone who'd be able to understand me, someone who'd be there for me. Someone that will love me. I miss my father, so much.

I headed to the kitchen with tears brimming on the edge of my eyes but I did my best to hide it, and just
did the dishes.
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I've arrived home from the mart. Seeing a newly polished shoes, a big grin went in my face, It feels like my heart has just jumped out of joy, "Oh, father's here!!!", I beamingly ran straight ahead but to my luck! they're all sleeping soundlessly.
*Sighs*, It's been months since the last time I had a talk with my father. I miss him so much, It's either he's away for work or tiredly sleeping and would soon be away again for his work. It's okay, he might be tired. I'd just wake up early tomorrow.

I placed the vegetables and fruits on the fridge and so on. I went to the kitchen, standing still, praying that they had a conscience to even reserve a food for me.

But again, to my luck, just empty and dirty dishes was there. So again, I did the dishes.I won't bother cooking, even though my stomach's grumbling and I've been starving for the past three days. If my mother would notice that something's missing on the list she gave me to shop, I'd surely be dead.
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I just took a shower, brushed my teeth and headed on my room. Got my iPod and played one of my favorite songs. I can feel my eyes drooping, and kind of feeling drowsy,but I didn't forgot to pray that everything would soon be better.

I love you. I'm sorry.
But I can't do this anymore.
But I don't even have the right to get close to you.
Don't love me.
I don't have the ease of being able to give you my heart.
I live everyday beyond my strength.
Each day is too much I cry.
🎶

And finally I dozed off, went into wonderland where everything's perfect even just for once.