"Get up, Stephanie. It's time for school." My mom yells at me from the bottom of the stairs. It always ends up like this, her screaming at me to wake me up. Oh well. I'll be 18 in a couple months. It'll all be better.
I get up out of bed and almost cringe at the sight of myself in the mirror. My dyed brown hair is in a rats nest and it makes me want to scream. I walk to my bathroom and put my hair up in a messy bun. It has came to the point where I could honestly care less what I look like to anybody anymore. But I know I need makeup, so then I put a couple swipes of mascara on my lashes and wing my eyeliner to fire. I put on my skinny jeans, and a loose flannel and a scarf. Typical white girl, yes I know.
I walked down the stairs to find my mom cooking eggs and bacon in the kitchen.
"Oh, well looks who's up." she says, looking up at me.
"Yeah, sorry it took me a while, I looked like shit." I say.
She glares up at me and gives me a you-better-watch-your-mouth-before-I-smack-you look and I just raise my eyebrow. Also, it's come to the point that I don't really care what I say around my mom. She went through a stage where she became careless after her and my dad divorced. But I liked it, I could honestly do what I wanted. Not everything, but mostly.
I grab an apple out of the bowl and mutter "sorry" to her. I know that she doesn't care, and I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't care either. I just want to be the daughter that shows respect. Nothing personal.
She laughs and says, "Okay." I want to find a topic to talk about with Mom, but I just can't find anything. Ever since my dad left, it's like we have nothing to say to each other. But I like being alone, but sometimes I can't stand being so alone but I don't want to go to mom because she wouldn't really understand.
Then she asked me a question that would tear any girl apart, "So, how are you and Joseph?"
Everytime I hear his name, I can feel my heart breaking into little pieces but I just try not to show it. Joseph, so many things to say about him. He was so.. wonderful. He understood me, he was my all time bestfriend. And I liked him. No, I didn't like him, I loved him. But he liked her, which was okay. I wanted him to be happy.
"We're just fine and dandy." I say, with a little too much sarcasm. My mom looks at me with a weird look. Like I said, I don't tell her much. She wont understand the way I feel. And I don't want to tell her because I don't want her to think I'm 'overreacting.'
"I got to head to school, Mom. I love ya." I say.
I grab my keys and head out the door. I stand on my porch for a second and breathe in the fresh air. It's a good way to clear my mind. I walk to my car and sit inside. A huge wave of sadness drips over me. 'Just another day in hell, having to see him with her.' I think about all the time me and him have spent together.
I turn my key in the ignition to start my car and drive backwards. I turn around and look in my rearview mirror and see Joseph walking to school. I drive by him and roll my window down and say "Well, look who got up early enough this morning." I smile at him. He smiles, flips his long brown hair, and hops in my front seat.
"Can I drive?" He asks me, which is a ridiculous question.
"Why do you ask a question you already know the answer to?" I say as I look in the mirror and fix my makeup. When I say, I don't care what I look like, I didn't mean around Joseph.
He rolls his eyes and turns my radio on. The song 'u just can't be replaced' by Gnash turns on and I literally wanted to jump out my seat, but I keep my cool. I gasp and smile then look at Joseph, who is already staring at me. I start to sing the words to the song. Joseph just sits there and stares at me like I'm crazy. I look over and then we have a staring contest. Did I just see him blush? No. No, I can't think like that. But his cheeks got red and he looked away. Hmmmmmm. I wonder.
When we pull into the driveway of Starbucks, he gives me a weird look.
"What? Can a girl not get a coffee in the morning?" I ask him.
"I never said that," he says, "I'll pay though."
I turn my head to glance at him. He is already pulling out a twenty and I slap his hand, "Shut up."
As I pull through the drivethrough, I look at the car beside me. It's a man who is leaving back to his child in the back seat of his car to help the poor child open a toy. I remember when my dad would do that for me. Also, I remember when he would come home from work, he would bring me the temporary tattoos, I always felt like a bad girl, walking around, a tat on my thigh, or my shoulder. Me and him always used to joke around alot, too. I would stand there and look at his drink and he would look back and say "No body better take my drink." I would always be thinking like 'he has no flipping idea what is about to happen.'
I would always lean over and take a sip and he would look down at me and gasp loudly then start tickling me. We were always a happy family, not any problems. That is, until he messed it all up.
"Steph. STEPH. Snap out of it." Joseph waves his hands in my face, "What were you thinking about?" He demands me to tell him.
I must've not noticed, but I glanced to the mirror, and there were tears in my eyes. I look at Joseph, but he already seems to know that answer. He unbuckled his seat belt, got out of the car, came to my side, opened my door up and grabbed my arm, he stood me up and grabbed my shoulders and stared in my eyes. I start to break down. It's not only my dad I am crying about, it's being me. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being around my
friends, but still feel so alone inside. He tells me to get in the passenger side so he can drive. I do as he says because.. why did I?? I don't know exactly. Maybe because I was crying? I wanted him to help me. He grabs my hand and drives out of Starbucks.
I cried in my bestfriends arms. In the middle of Starbucks drivethru. What a morning.
"Where are we going?" I turn to Joseph and he just shakes his head.
He confuses me a lot.
