5 months.

five months.

I was an athletic trainer for the jv boys soccer team at my school. We'll call the guy I liked at the time Chris. I only liked him, it wasn't complicated at all. He was on the soccer team but he had recently gotten a concussion in his club team. so for our first scrimmage, he was on the bench. He sat next to me and he had his cute glasses on. Well we just talked for a while and watched the soccer game and became friends. we followed each other on Twitter, it was the beginning of a good friendship. At the time I thought he was kind of cute plus he was in my Spanish class. we started talking more and more in Spanish because I'm close to the soccer boys and so is he. Well it came time that he was able to play again so we made a handshake. it was the cutest thing, which was also what made me like him. we did that handshake every game and every game he scored. I took pictures of him and sent them to him. We became really close really fast as you can imagine. well I started posting pictures with hearts around him on my story. Eventually I got really jealous because he flirts with other girls and his ex's so often. I asked him what page he was on in our friendship and he told me that we were just friends and that he can't manage a girlfriend right now. Me being me, I started asking him more and more about us. I thought that whatever was going on was a joke to him. Which is when he eventually told me that he only thinks of me as a friend, but things could change in the future. Soccer season had ended now and banquet was coming up. I tweeted about not having a banquet date and my friends were always asking if he would ask me. he said that he was going to but not now. he snapchatted me about 5 days before banquet saying, "would you like to kick it with me at banquet?" I told him to ask me in person, which he did. I said yes and before I knew it we were going to banquet together. I thought this meant he liked me but apparently not. at banquet my friend took a lot of videos of me and him and in one of them it looked like he tried to kiss me. his friends kept bugging him about it so we established that he didn't. well his group of friends kept messing with me about me liking him and would send me notes saying that he loves me and everything. to them it was funny, to me it was just another reminder that he doesn't think of me that way. well he tweeted that "he doesn't play games" one day so I dmed him and said ," 🙄🙄" well he replied saying, "my gf said leave me alone" he doesn't have a girlfriend so I took that as him telling me to leave him alone. I did and it was hard. I never cried about him until he said that. well the next day he texted me saying that we needed to talk. long story short, he can't date me because of his past relationships and that his trust level is extremely low. I tried explaining that I'm nothing like his exs but he just told me that he only thinks of me as a friend. that night I texted him telling him about I talked to my memo about him. that's a big deal for me. I only talked to her about the meaningful things in which this was meaningful to me. she died three years ago so that just makes it even more meaningful. he told me that he just doesn't feel a connection between us and that he's sorry for that. I told him that I understand because I genuinely do. I can't push myself onto him, that's not fair to either of us. I cried my eyes out that night which is something he'll never know. well just today during Spanish he talked to me for the first time since he said that. well I couldn't stand it because I am trying to get over him so I had to leave the classroom to gather myself. I'm still trying so hard to get over him but with everything me and him have been through in such a short time period, that's hard to do. I don't know how tomorrow will go but I'll keep y'all updated if you're interested. I mean, it's gonna be hard. I've never loved anyone as much as him.