Boyfriend ( Justin Beiber Love Story )

Chapter 3 ❤

I can see whats already going to happen. This is all apart of there plan. All the people making fun of me, taking advantage of me, hurting me in anyway is probably nothing for what the have planned. I can tell when trouble is coming. I can smell it a mile away. They are going to make me think that they are sorry, then I'm going to be in this hole of embarrassment. Being bullied for those years, made me have trust issues. I dont know who to trust. Sometimes I cant even trust myself. Justin thinks that he can throw in a few sentences and say a load of bull crap, and Im going to straight up forgive him? Doesnt work like that with me anymore. Im done.

I do at times wonder what my life would be like if this crap didn't call come at me at once. When I was younger, I pictured myself being this straight A student, having friends, having a mom, going out, living life. Not this. I didn't know what this was. I put on this shield of pain and heartbreak. Its fragile like my heart. My life is hanging on a string. And its all because of them.

" Morning Jewels. How you feeling?" My dad asked as he walked through my room. He placed the back of his hand on my forehead.

" Theres no fever.... Maybe I should make a doctors app-"

" No dad, Theres no need for that. I think I just need a day of rest." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. He looked at me, wanting to say something, but all that came was a weak smile. My dad has a really hard time saying how he feels. My guess was ever since mom died. But other than that, I have never ever heard him say anything about how he feels or what he thinks. Sometimes I wish he would open up to me a little, so I could feel comfortable opening up to him, but he doesn't. But that doesn't stop me from loving him. He still is there for me considering he doesn't speak much.

He left my room and closed the door behind him. I sat there in my bed with the blankets reached to my chest. I sighed and looked up to the ceiling. What is Justin thinking? What is he planning? What should I do? Maybe If I try again...I don't know.

I closed my eyes. I pictured me and my mother, sitting on a bench at a park. green grass, autumn leaves falling from the trees, the sky filled with clouds, I could feel the cold breeze and the scent of my mother. Even though I have never smelt her, I can imagine it. She looked at me with her ocean blue eyes and smiled with her pearl white teeth. She brushed the hair out of my face.

" Your so beautiful Julia. Look how grown you are. Look how beautiful you are. My baby girl." Her palms on my cheeks. Her eyes were filled with tears. Tears of happiness. This feels real. It feels like she is actually speaking to me.

" I need you mom. Why did you have to go? Look at me. Im a mess. I really need you here, I know dad does too. "

" You have so much life ahead of you. I can see what your going through, I can see how strong you are. Never give up. I can see what is coming ahead of you. Your life is going to change. You just need to relax. You need to take risks. Trust people. meet people you never thought you would. Talk to people. I know you know what I'm talking about. But its time for you to Forgive and Forget. Jewels, I see what they are doing. I know your hurting. I know you feel like giving up but giving up is never the answer. Don't put your dad though a hard time with you giving up. Think about the people who actually care and love you. Your dad has sacrificed everything for you. Don't leave him. Its bad enough I had to go."

" You see what they put me through. You can see what they have done to me, Mom, Im not going to just forgive them for what they did to me, and Im not going to forget either. because of them, I have to live like this forever. I have to grow up remembering all those painful memories. You dont know how hard it is to even look at them, knowing that Im breathing the same air. How do you expect me to do ?"

" You remind me of myself when I was younger. When someone would do something to me, even if its small. I held a grudge. But thats not the way to go. Don't fill your heart with anger. God always has good things planned for you. You just have to be paitent and do the right thing.All this hate and anger isn't healthy. Just try. Not for me, but for yourself. Try and get better. Baby steps, you can get through this. I believe in you. I love you" She kissed my cheek and before I knew it, she was gone.

I opened my eyes and sat up. I hugged my body. I felt lost without her. I cant believe I saw my mom. Is that what she looks like? Is this even real or am I just dreaming? I don't know. This just seems to quick for me. I don't think I can do it. Im sorry mom. I cant forgive and I wont ever forget. I cant even try because I know where I would end up. In a mental hospital. Or in jail because I killed someone. I dont know. I just cant do it.

***

I walked into school halls. My foot was a little better, so I thought maybe try and go without the crutches for the day and see how it goes.

Same old routine. I feel like everyday is just repeating itself. How can people have the heart to hurt someone else so badly. Disgusting. Heartless. Careless bastards.

I walked to my locker, unlocking the lock and gathering my books.

" Hey Julia." I turned my head. I was Astonished not only at the fact that this is the first time since the bullying, someone has said my name while coming up to my locker. But disappointed at who said it. Justin. I just ignored him, closed my locker and walked away with my head down. He still followed me.

" Julia Please. What do you want me to do for you to know how sorry I am?" I kept walking, hoping he would go away. I was walking fast. He grabbed my arm. Holding firmly, making me drop all my books.

" Im so sorry. Ill pick them up for you."

" NO! Don't you think you have done enough to me already? Leave. Me. Alone. Do I have to spell it out for you? " I picked up my own books and walked away. I wasn't harsh. I wasnt mean. I wasnt even rude. I am hurt. Embarrassed. I wont be stupid enough to even think, or even consider forgiving him for being stupid enough to give him the satisfaction. Those 3 years of bull crap I went though, You can just forget it. Even though I do feel a bit like a bully, brushing him off like that, I know its because its for the best. Its for my safety.

If you were being picked on by a person everyday, wouldn't you get angry? If everyday you went to school and had people days rude thing about and to you, wouldn't you get mad? If suddenly one day , that particular person who made your life a living hell decided that he wants to be nice to you because he feels bad, would you forgive him for all those painful years he and his friends put you through? Would you forget it? Ill leave the answers to you but consider where I am coming from. I am not being cruel. I am looking out for myself. Its bad enough Im a mental mess.

***

Every Thursday after school. One of my favourite things to do, Is to go shopping. Dad mostly comes home late at this time. Gives me enough time to eat and throw it up when I get home. I only go shopping on Thurdays, cause I never see anyone at school on that day. I hope today I dont jinx myself and they end up there. And by they I mean Justin.

I walked into a few stores. Not really interested in what im seeing and most of the clothes dont really fit me. So I decided to head back home. Im starving anyways. I texted my dad asking him what time he is coming home. I waited for his reply.... 10pm. I was almost home. I love having everything near by.

I feel like im in control. I got home perfect timing. I threw my bag on the floor and headed straight to the kitchen. I grabbed every source of food and shoving it in my mouth, I ate till I couldn't eat no more.

I walked up the stairs. To the upstairs bathroom. I lifted the toilet seat. Looking down at the toilet. I stuck my fingers down my throat. Doing this for a year. I got more better at it. Doesnt hurt as much. Actually doesnt hurt at all. I threw up one last time. Throwing up the chips, the 2 mintues noodles, the cereal and all the left overs that was left from 3 nights ago till now. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and flushed the toilet.

I washed my hands and face. Brushed my teeth twice, also mouth washing it as well, and put my jacket in the laundry basket. I walked into my room and opened my secret stash of laxatives. I took a few tablets, then laid on my bed and sighed. This is a daily routine for me. I cant picture myself without this life. I cant change. I just don't think I can.

I heard a knock on the door. The front door of course. No one comes over. Dad comes in from the garage door. I walked down the stairs and opened the door.

Justin. In the flesh. Standing. Looking at me. At my house. I can feel trouble. Not only can I feel it, But I can see the look on his face. Something is not right.