Hannah.
I can't believe I'm doing this. WHY an I doing this? Austin I just wish I could kill you sometimes.. If I was tall enough I'd wring your neck. I was grumbling to myself as I parallel parked, horribly by the way, outside of an restaurant/cafe and got out to look for my grandmother, who said she was already here, five minutes ago.
I went inside and the hostess directed me to a heavily shaded outside, corner table, (after having to explain the physical details of my grandmother to her, it took for her to know who I meant when I added, just an angry ginger woman) where sure enough she was sitting there, a coke already in a glass in front of her, and reading over the menu.
"Here you are ma'am." The hostess seated me and went back to her booth with an extra perky smile on her face.
I got comfortable, slid off my sunglasses, and smiled nervously at the woman whose house I snuck out of and never called, texted, or spoke to for weeks, almost a month I think, now and I felt like I was suddenly on trial.
"Hey Grandma." See? That was simple enough, right?
She popped her head from her menu and looked me over sternly. It was a lot harsher than when Austin did it, and I was now super uncomfortable. "Well you're not dead." She shrugged and looked back at her menu.
Inside, my jaw dropped, I took a glass of water, andsurprise spittle from my mouth drenched her. "Well you're not dead?" What the hell is that?! I cleared my throat and tried to push on, for Austin's sake.
"I've been staying at Austin's." I announced and she made no gestures. "His band finally got sighed." It came out sounding like I was begging for approval. I don't need her approval! I'm an adult for Christ's sake! But... I want it..
I looked down at my hands and sighed into them, nervous and trying to keep my composure, because the truth was, and is, that I DO miss my family, but I'm not ready to come home.. If I ever will be.
"So are you pregnant?" She asked and I looked up at her face. She had put her menu down and looked a little more sincere, but it's sad it had to be because she was expecting something drastic.
"No! Austin and I are just friends." I made a yuck noise and she smirked, cracking her hard exterior. "You know I hate children. I never want to be a mother, I could barely tolerate being an Aunt." I shook in my seat and she laughed as the waitress came back and took out orders.
"So then what?" She calmed down and folded her hands on the table top, and I could read hurt in her eyes still. "Ready to come home?" Her voice softened and i bit my lip, dreading he reaction to my choices.
I shook my head and she shook her head at me in turn. The anger side if her flashed back and she looked away from me. "I like living with Austin and his dad. It's.. Calm, there." I knew I was mumbling, but I couldn't force myself to talk any louder. "I wanted to tell you about Of Mice & Men's record deal." At this point I was hunching over the table.
"Of Mice & Men? Isn't that an old book?" She scoffed and the food arrived plate by plate, mostly side dishes, and we were alone again as quickly as we had ordered.
"It's the name of the band."
She nodded, looking like she was trying to understand. "So what's so exciting about this band? I thought we were ere to talk about you and me and maybe you coming home to your sister and I." She sucked on the straw of her drink and watched me with a face of joking aside.
"I can't." I took a shaky breath and tucked my hair behind my ear self consciously, but then thought better of it and moved it back. "I just wanted to tell you that my grades are good, my anxiety is good, and the band is finally getting signed." I relaxed my heart rate before going on. "And I was invited to go with them..."
"With them? Where? You're not a part of any band." Her voice rose and she started stabbing the vegetables on her plate with her fork.
"Oregon.. And I know, but-"
"But what? There you go, so if you know why would you go?" She cut me off, making me feel hounded on and now frustrated.
"Grandma, I'm going! Austin invited me and he wants me to go! I already said I would." I groaned, getting more mad now that Austin made me do this rather than actually getting mad at my grandma for her reaction. I knew she wasn't going to like what my answer was, but I also know she'll always love me and forgive me. I just HATE being out in uncomfortable situations... And this is one.
We ate the rest of the time in silence, and as soon as she finished, she dropped some bills on the table, got up, told me to call the house to talk to Jeanette some time soon, and gave me a cold bye.
I couldn't get out a single syllable I was so shocked. I had never seen this side to Grandma before, let alone act that way towards me. When the waitress came back and saw that she'd left, she asked if I needed anything else, but by the look in her eyes, I could see that she wanted to ask much more. I ended up leaving after finishing my food, by force, and driving around, not wanting to go back to the house because I knew there, Austin was waiting for me to ask questions that I'm not ready to answer yet.
I drove around aimlessly and ended up at school, sitting in a, Guest, parking space and looking at the double doors leading into the office. It's still so bizarre to me, that one, lonely girl who has almost nothing but the less than average, average life, moved and met a few good friends in a short period of time, and met one best one that she lives with. I can't believe I'm going to Oregon.. I thought absentmindedly and leaned back in the comforting seats of Matty.
I couldn't tell anyone how long I sat there, ignoring phone calls, texts, and most importantly, the bad gut feeling I was getting. I felt calm right now, minus the gut feeling, and kind of rebellious, since I always act on gut instinct. I smiled at myself and thought about life before Jeanette and I moved with Grandma and Grandpa, and how simple.. Yet complicated things were. My thoughts and feelings drifted down my yearly timeline to now, and I relished in all my thoughts and feeling, content alone, for now.
I went back to the house, feeling a little less stressed about my grandma's feelings, but at the same time, still pretty heated about having been made to go thanks to Austin's wishes. The sun was setting and my stomach was all ready growling for dinner, which I was sure I missed while I was busy sitting at the school.
I pulled into the driveway and all the lights inside were on, so I knew either lots of people were over, or because Austin hated the dark, he was the only one awake and he was waiting up for me. Oh that dear child and his weird quirks. I shut off my headlights and turned off the car, sitting there while I tried to collect my thoughts on what to say when I got inside.
A rapid tapping noise on my window made me jump and then angry at Austin's smiling face pressed against it, fogging it all up. I sighed, and unbuckled while I popped the door open and motioned for him to move so I could get out. Finally I did, and he looked me over, still smiling. "So how'd it go?" He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked with me back inside.
"We ate, we talked, she left, I left, I'm here." I shrugged and hoped my clipped tone would give him a clue.
"Well then it must've went amazing because you sure are coming in late. Did she invite you back home?" Why is he so damn chipper? Did he think I ignore all his texts and calls along with everyone else's because I was having a good time? Do normal people do that?! I sighed and kept walking, straight to the kitchen.
"Not exactly." I opened the fridge and rummaged around, coming across some appealing looking frozen granola thingy. We're eating bird food now? I pulled it out, beyond caring at this point, dug for a spoon, and started off towards my room.
Austin followed, as expected, and was right on my heels. "So then... What happened?"
"Can we just NOT talk about it? We basically fought, she didn't want me leaving, she thought I asked her to lunch because I was going to beg to come home, and when I told her my anxiety was actually better not living there she freaked out to say the least and left without speaking." I stabbed my spoon into the thick and crunchy strawberry chocolate drizzled bird food mash and tried getting a lot on my utensil as Austin watched me with a concentrated face.
"You told her about Oregon?" He sounded disappointed.
"Yeah, and she said I'm not part of the band, I shouldn't be going. But you know what?" I started crunching on my spoonful. "If I hadn't gone, none of that would've happened, she would have just been fine and getting on with her life and I could've just called her when I got back. But of course, it make you happy, I did this. Look where it got me!" I spread my arms and tried to get his dazed expression to notice how angry and alone I was.
"You think this is my fault?" He mumbled and sat on the edge of my bed.
"Well who else Austin? I did it? I literally just showed up and tried having a conversation with her! She acts like she hates me!" I groaned and flicked my frizzy after a long day, hair from my face, and spooned up more food.
Austin sighed quietly and scooted up the bed, closer to me until he was at my side, and wrapped a long arm around me. "I'm sorry it happened like that. You have to know though, what happened was not my intention, and all I want was for you and your family members that raised you to be happy together again." I relaxed under him and turned, my face a few inches from his.
"I know.." I admitted and looked back at my bowl if feeder. "But now I'm just alone.." I whispered, only for myself to hear.
"No, not necessarily. We can just be alone together." He squeezed me into him and I could hear the lighthearted smile in his voice. I smiled back and looked up at him, feeling bad I'd blamed him for everything, it's not like he KNEW what my crazy grandma was going to do.
"Now, how come after such a stressful day, you come home and eat that?" He made a disgusted face and pointed at my bowl of solid granola. "It looks like bird food."
We laughed and he took it from me, disappearing back into the kitchen and coming back a few minutes later with a delicious, ham and cheese Hot Pocket. "To Oregon!" He chanted, holding up a glass of water.
"To Oregon!" I joined in and tapped his glass with my steaming food.
We laughed, and I knew everything was fine, we would always be fine, just alone together.