"No I don't know why seasons change,
or how we fell so far."
A/N This chapter is a little Laurmani-centric, which is to be expected.
My head's pounding and I wish I could say that last night was a blur, but I remember everything vividly. Y/N and I broke up? I think. I broke up with Y/N. I got pretty drunk. Still in my lingerie, I ran to Lauren. She turned me down. I cried and told her everything. Now, I'm here in her bed. I'm guessing she carried me to bed after I passed out or whatever. I reach for my phone and I'm not sure why because I shut out the only person I'd normally talk to at this hour.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: Mani, please talk to me.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: I'm worried about you.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: Please call me just to let me know you're okay. You can yell and scream at me if you want. Or you don't have to say anything at all. I just need to know you're okay.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: Please don't shut me out.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: I can't believe I'm so fucking stupid.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: I never wanted to hurt you. It kills me to know that I'm responsible for your pain.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: I swear if you give me a chance to fix it, I'll make it right.
Best Girlfriend Ever💃❤😘: I love you.
23 missed calls. 2 new voicemails
"God, Normani. I've called you so many times. This is my first time actually getting passed your voicemail thingy. I can hear how happy you are and it breaks my heart every time knowing that you're hurting right now because of me. I-I just... Let me make it right." She gets choked up and the voicemail ends.
"I'm sorry. I-I don't. I mean. I didn't want to hurt you. Please just talk to me. Let me tell you everything and maybe we could," she clears her throat in attempt to hide the way her voice cracks, "we could work this out. I don't want this to be the end of us. This can't be the end of us, Normani." I stare at my phone, wishing she left more messages.
"Normani, you can't ignore her forever." Lauren speaks up from the other side of the bed. I roll over to face her and she's beautiful. She's always been beautiful.
"I can't but I can try." I smile half-heartedly.
"Please don't be like this." She rasps. "Hear her out. She's done everything to earn your trust. She's earned it. Listen to her. She hasn't lied to you before, why would she start now?" She sits up and move a little closer to her.
"You know why." She throws her arm over my shoulder and I like it. I like being like this with her.
"Amira?" She scoffs. "Fuck her. What you have with Y/N is nothing like what they had. She loves you so damn much and I know you love her! Quit being an ass and fucking fight for her! Fight because you love her and she's worth it!" She raises her voice a little out of frustration.
"But what if I'm not worth it?" I sigh and pull her closer to me. Lauren and I have always had a connection. After last night, I wouldn't stop short of saying we've been in love. I never could explain my feelings for her and now here we are. Last night she confessed her love for me and it all just clicked. I loved her. I wish I had realized it earlier. Maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. Maybe. "You didn't fight for me." Her breath hitches and she goes silent for a while.
"And that's exactly why I'm telling you to fight for her. If you don't you'll never stop asking yourself 'what if?' You can move on, you can find someone else, but you'll never stop wondering."
"I think it may be too late for that." I can feel her eyes on me, but I won't meet her gaze just yet. "It's hard not to wonder what we could've been." She turns away and I know I struck a nerve.
"God, you don't get it, do you? Normani, I love you and I want nothing more than to call you mine. I don't want you on a technicality. I want you to want me because you just fucking want me. Not because you're hurting. I want you to want me because I can make you smile. I want you to want me because I make you feel safe. I want you to want me because you love me. Because you're in love with me." There's a pang of guilt and rightfully so.
"Lauren, I-" She interrupts my apology.
"No. No. I told you last night, my feelings aren't important. I love you but I'm moving past that. Don't try to use me as a crutch, now. You know what you want and I want what's best for you." She sighs and runs her hands through her hair, like she always does. Silence falls over us again and it makes me a little anxious. "It cuts too deep for you. Just the idea of her thinking about someone else has you torn up. You love her more than you'll ever love me. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with you being in love. I'm okay with you being happy with someone else. I just wish you were okay with that."
"I'm so scared, Lauren." She kisses my forehead and I close my eyes and listen to her voice.
"I know. You run to me because I'm safe. You run to me because I've never hurt you. But, tell me this, has Y/N ever hurt you? Has she ever truly hurt you?" I tense at her words because she's made her point. Y/N has been nothing but good to me and I keep running from her. I think back to the first time we kissed.
**************
It's hard to believe I'm here. Sitting on Y/N's couch. Drinking hot chocolate. Laughing about nothing of importance. My feet in her lap. A smile plastered on her face. Silence covers us in a warm thick blanket and it's got me a little nervous. I know Y/N is up to something and I pray it's what I think it is.
"Let's talk." I say with a smile. She gives me a pointed look before speaking up.
"About what?" She sits her cup on the table in front of us and her hands, her soft hands, trace patterns on the exposed skin of my ankle.
"About us." I hope it comes off as bold as I feel. My hands shake a little so I follow Y/N's lead and place my cup on the table. Her hands still and I miss the patterns she traced.
"Wh-what about uh us?" She stutters and I think I'm in a little over my head. My shaky hand grabs hers and and I squeeze it a little in an attempt to calm my nerves and get my damn hand to stop shaking. Just when I start to doubt myself, my heart seems to outrun my mind.
"I mean like.... Dude, you didn't invite me here for a 'girl's night' so what's up." Oh fuck me!
"I-I.. Can I just show you?" Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! I don't know what she means but I want her to show me. I don't care what it is, I need her to show me.
"Mhmm." Was all I could manage to let out without sounding like a complete idiot. I nod and release her hand.
I avert my eyes for a second afraid of what would happen once we locked eyes, but couldn't avoid her captivating pools of emotion. Our eyes meet and she leans in and I freeze because hot damn, Y/N is gonna kiss me. She pauses just before our lips connect and my eyes close because I don't want to creep her out. She closes the gap between us and it's like that feeling you get when you step out of a hot shower and its cold as hell, but the longer you stand there, exposed, the more amazing it feels. Our lips move together like we've done this a thousand times before. I pull her closer because I need more of her and she catches the hint because her tongue slides across my lip asking for entrance and without a second thought I grant her access. A moan slips from the back of my throat and this girl has total control over me. Her hands find the exposed skin at my waist and I don't think there's a better feeling than this.
