Damaged Goods ~ A 5sos Lashton story

Chapter 7

Luke rolled over in his bed and groaned, his hands were clutched onto his stomach.

I'm so fucking hungry.

His stomach growled as if agreeing with the thought.

"Luke, are you coming down for dinner?"

I have too. If not, you'd think something was wrong with me, Luke thought bitterly.

He mentally groaned, "Yeah. I'll be down in a sec."

He heard footsteps go downstairs as he rolled off the bed.

I don't want fucking dinner.

When he opened the door the smell of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and black-eyed peas invaded his nostrils.

"What's the occasion?" Luke mumbled as he sat at the island.

"I got bored, and you always cook breakfast so I decided to make dinner." Ashton answered simply.

"I thought you couldn't cook?"

"No," Ashton corrected. "I choose not to cook."

Luke chuckled and waited patiently for his plate to arrive. He dreaded the smell of all the food. His eyes were fixed upon the steam that lifted from the mash potatoes. The chicken was perfectly crisped and Luke could feel himself practically drool over this feast.

"Now, let's say grace." Michael joked as he put his hand out for Ashton and Calum to hold. Everyone laughed and took a bite of food but Luke.

"Aren't gonna eat, Luke?" Calum gestured toward Luke's plate.

"What? Oh, uh, yeah. I forgot to grab a fork and I'm too lazy to get one." Luke slumped in his chair.

"I got you!" Ashton screamed as he jumped out his chair and toward the silverware. Everyone laughed as Ashton set the fork gently next to Luke's plate.

Luke laughed even though he didn't want the fork. He didn't want the fork because he didn't want to eat. He didn't want to eat because he was too fat.

"What was all that about?" Luke asked as he slowly picked up the fork. He put a small portion (about three) of beans on and brought it to his mouth.

"I don't know," Ashton shrugged as he took a huge bite out of his chicken. Luke watched as he chewed slowly.

Everyone shared small talk as Luke took small bites from everything he had but mash potatoes.

"Do you not like that?" All eyes were on Luke. The source of the question came from Michael.

"Like what?"

"Mashed potatoes."

I don't like anything.

"No, not really. I've never really liked 'em."

Michael hummed in response. That's one fattening thing out of Luke's way. But that doesn't really matter because he's already had half of his beans and he feels his stomach stretching. It hurts.

But because he has too hide his diet, he takes another bite of the chicken. He chews slowly until the pieces are so small he can't chew them anymore.

The mac and cheese hasn't been touched either. It just lies on his plate, getting colder as every regretted second passed. So Luke took a bite of those too. He hated it, of course. He feels his stomach swell bigger and bigger. It pressed against his skin, threatening to explode.

"Well I think I'm done boys," Luke said as he threw all the food into the trash.

"You hardly ate anything..." Calum said.

Luke wanted to yell. He wanted to scream how he ate too much for 17 years. But instead he just lies. And because no one was paying attention to him, they believe him.

"Are you kidding? I had like two servings of everything, it feels like. Ashto here gave me a lot." Luke punches Ashton playfully in the arm. Everyone believes him and laughs.

"Yeah, I think I'm done too."

They all agreed and threw the scraps into the silver trashcan.

"I'm gonna take a shower." Luke mumbles as he walked upstairs. He walks into his room and finds a gray sweatshirt with his regular fluffy plaid pajama pants. He walks fast because he can still feel the food lie in his stomach.

He shuts and locks the bathroom door and plugs his phone into the speakers. A random song filled the room and Luke changed out of his clothes.

He wasted no spare time in shoving two fingers down his throat. All the contents in his stomach sputtered into the toilet until Luke was left panting over his own bile.

There's nothing left.

But then Luke starts to hate himself. He hates himself because he ate.

He hates himself because he puked it up.

But most of all, he hates himself because he likes it.

He liked the way the grease of the chicken popped in his mouth. The way his taste buds felt when he ate it. The way the juice rolled onto his tongue and his lips.

He pulls out the scale from the bathroom counter and takes a deep breathe. Does he really care how much he ways? Of course he does. He put first foot on and then his second. The scale zeroed out and then started to add up all the fat that was Luke.

103 lbs.

Luke sighed and weighed out his options. He could punch the wall. He could kick the scale. He could cry. Or he could just take a shower.

Everything was quiet- ignoring the screaming boys downstairs. The music was loud, but Luke didn't really hear it. He just heard one thing.

103

103

103

After rinsing off the conditioner that sat in his hair he stood in the water. The heat turned his skin red but after awhile it felt good.

103

103

He turned the water off and shook his hair to get excess water off. He dried off, got dressed, and dried his hair.

The shouting and laughing from down stairs stopped. Luke peered around the corner to see all boys sitting on the floor watching tv.

"Hey," Luke sat down on the floor next to Calum. "Why's everyone on the floor?"

"Why not?" Michael asked.

Luke chuckled and adjusted himself onto the carpet.

103

That number stayed on Luke's mind for hours. Every pointless movie they watched he thought of that number. He couldn't stop thinking of that damn number. Until one in the morning, he thought of the number.

103.

-


Luke can't breathe.

He's suffocating.

-

"She lies awake (beside you)

She sleeps alone.
My heart wants to come home.
I wish I was, I wish was."

Luke takes off the headphones and looks at the boys on the other side of the glass. Two of them had thumbs up but Ashton quickly evacuated into the hallway.

"That was good, Luke. Would you like to take a break or keep going?"

"Uh, can we pick up on Too Late?"

"Sure."

The tech guys messed with all the buttons before a red sign flashed, telling Luke to start singing.

"Ever since the day that we met, I couldn't get you out of my head.
There was always something about you.

Every chance that I seem to get, finds a way to end in regret.

There was always something about you.

Jealousy keeps containing me.

In time you'll see, just what we could be.

But I'm always too late."

Luke stopped singing because his voice cracked.

Why can't I just even fucking sing?

"Would you like to try again?"

Luke thought for a moment and took a deep breath.

"No, I uh, I have to go talk to someone." Luke quickly took off the headphones and walked out of the booth.

He took a long look at Calum and Michael.

"You're not, are you?" Michael asked. He was referring to drinking.

"No, I'm not." With that, Luke walked out of the ginormous studio and into the parking lot.

He took a deep breathe and leaned against the wall.

What the hell am I doing?

-

"Hey, Harry. Can I come over?"

"Uh, yeah, if you want. Louis' over too, if you don't mind. I can ask him to leave if it's too personal."

"No, no. It's fine. I'll be there soon."

He quickly hung up without saying goodbye and started the car. The engine revved and purred until Luke let off the ignition.

The car ride was quick. Luke turned the radio on and off while trying to find something other than food and Ashton to think about.

Luke drove up Harry's long driveway and glanced at the surrounding tree's as he parked in front of the fountain.

He knocked on the front door.

"It's open!"

Luke opened the door to see Louis talking to someone on the phone and Harry sitting on the black recliner looking depressed.

"Hey Luke," Harry greeted as he pushed the chair down. "Long time no see."

Luke let out a stiff chuckle as Harry laughed, "Yeah. This break is actually longer than it seems. But I was wondering if I could talk to you? Privately?"

"Yeah, sure mate." Harry walked and gestured for Luke to follow. They ended up in the game room.

"What do you wanna talk about?" Harry asked as he pulled down the long pole hanging on the rack.

Luke watched intently as Harry strategically placed the pool balls into the triangle and scooted it. He lifted the plastic off and pulled the white ball out of the pocket.

Luke shrugged in response, "I don't know."

Ashton.

"I like this guy..."

"Yeah?" Harry urged on.

"I just- he's wonderful. And uh, he told me that he didn't like me that way after he kissed me. But I didn't even know that I liked that way until after he kissed me. And it really sucks because I'm with him all the time."

"Well, I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's... Ashton." Harry sends the que-ball flying in the direction of the others, signaling a loud 'clack' noise.

Luke chuckled, "How'd you know?"

"I'm a wizard," Harry joked, sending the two boys into laughter. "No, but seriously, Michael told me what happened. And how Ashton slept with someone in your bed, and how stressed you were about."

Luke's cheeks turned a light shade of pink, "Yeah."

They sat in a long silence. The only thing that could be heard were the giggles coming from Louis, who was still on the phone.

"You need to tell him." Harry states firmly.

"I can't." Luke shook his head.

"Yes you can, you just... you need to, before it's too late. One day, if you keep quiet, you won't be able to say anything."

Luke didn't understand at first. The sincerity in Harry's voice. The distant look in his eyes.

Louis.

"I invited him over to hang out but he's just been talking to her for the past hour."

Luke looks at the ground. What can he say? 'I'm sorry, man. Better luck next time.'? No.

"You have to tell Ashton, okay?"

Luke nodded, "But how? I honestly don't want to walk up to him and say 'hey bro, i like you.'. I don't even thing I have enough balls to do that."

"It's easy, just say it."

Luke laughed, "Alright, I'll give it a shot... eventually."

Harry thought he understood. But he didn't know that Luke thought poorly if himself. He didn't know that Luke was so fat that Ashton would immediately reject him and laugh.

"I should probably go back home." Luke pushed himself off the chair without saying goodbye to Harry. Luke doesn't really day 'bye' to anyone because he always comes back. Everyone knew this.

Before he left he leaned over Louis.

"Ello Luke," Louis said as he pulled away the phone from his ear.

"Hi Lou. You're still on if my best friends but I just want to let you know that Harry didn't invite you over so you could talk to some girl."

With that, Luke left for good. He heard Louis mumble a 'I'll call you back' when he left.

But on the ride home all Luke thought about was Harry. And how Harry couldn't have the man that he loved.