Mending A Broken Soul (Mavin)

Chapter Ten: Understanding

I must give credit where credit is due! Thank you to MadQueenMogar for giving me the inspiration and help to create this chapter!

Chapter Ten:
Understanding

Within a few hours, the video of me confessing my depression went viral. By the time Michael and I were out of our casts, over fifty million people watched the video. It became a very popular topic for other Youtubers to talk about and a few other famous figures actually made their own videos saying how brave I was to confess something that huge.

I didn't really see why they were making such a huge fuss over it. People treated it like I just explained the way to achieve world peace.
But, all the attention meant nothing when I knew Michael was proud of me.

Even though Michael still couldn't remember that whole two months he still made it very clear that he loved me and couldn't be more proud of me. Every chance he got, he would grab me and pull me as close as possible before pressing his lips against mine and muttering a quick 'I'm proud of you'. He would then let me go and continue doing whatever he was doing, as if what he did didn't make my heart stop.

And just as Michael had predicted, Rosie was defiantly helping me recover. Everyday she would come over and force me to go outside and do something. Michael would usually come along in those situations and try every trick in the book to make me smile or laugh.

Today was one of those days.

We were walking through a park in Austin. Rosie was walking alongside me, pointing out things for me to see. Michael was walking backwards in front of us, trying to make me laugh at something he did.

Throughout the day, Michael did succeed in making me smile and laugh, usually in the most ridiculous ways. When the sun began to set, Rosie announced that she had to head home, in which she did, which left Michael and I by ourselves in the park.

Michael and I sat ourselves down on a random bench and we gazed off at the sunset, admiring it. Eventually, Michael grabbed my hand and squeezed it, making me blush and squeeze back.

"Hey, Gav, can I ask you something?" Michael asked me.

"Of course," I told him, shifting my gaze from the sunset to him.

"What is it like to have depression?" Michael asked me, almost childishly.

The smile that was currently on my face disappeared and I let myself wander to the dark parts of my mind. I lowered my gaze to the ground and sighed, thinking over the depressing thoughts that I had learned how to keep at the back of my mind.

"Well, imagine waking up in the morning and having absolutely no energy and no motivation to actually get up and do anything. Imagine having this never ending feeling of sadness and despair constantly surrounding you and clouding out every one of your happy thoughts. Imagine wanting to talk and speak of how your feeling, but being physically unable to say it and having to just respond with the next simplest thing; 'I'm fine'. And that's not even all of it. I haven't even began with the self harming... And the starving... And the constant will to kill yourself," I explained, closing my eyes and feeling tears push at my eyes again.

"That's how you feel everyday? Like... All the time?" Michael asked me.

"Yeah... All the time," I told him, blinking my eyes repeatedly to stop the tears from falling.

"I... Never knew. You know, I always knew depression was serious but... I mean not to sound disrespectful but whenever I heard someone had depression or someone self harmed... I always thought it was for attention. Like, depression is just a word thrown around with little meaning now," Michael told me.