To Live Or Not To?

Chapter 1:Beauty

"Darling,the world will use you and break you for it is conniving and deceptive." She whispers in my ear.
"Mama,you've told me this same thing so many times." I giggle
She gives a slight smile and shoo's me away,becoming occupied with the raw chicken she has yet to boil.

"Roshanne, look. Pretty right", Ramal calls me. I move towards her and look at the dress she's making for her doll.
"Beautiful, just like you." I truthfully let out.
She sighs,"Not as beautiful as you ,you know."
"Look who's talking. You and I ,are both beautiful in our own way." I let out exasperated after hearing her say what I've heard the most in my life.

Our people say that being beautiful is a curse,a malediction ,a profanity of the highest degree. Females who are 'beautiful' are married at an early age in our customs,however families of the elite class can choose a otherwise, a gift which is not for the desolate.

As I leave towards my room,Ramal rambles on about my emerald green eyes,that full jawline,the Rosy cheeks and plump lips,how my perfect long and straight chocolate mocha hair shimmers in the sunlight. How I radiate beauty at all times-nothing more than an exaggeration which I've had to tolerate countless times.
When young, I could not understand the stares of the females that accompanied me,I did not know that their was hatred in their eyes and jealousy in their souls. The male's however took a different approach,those lust driven eyes used to bore deep into mine,their intensity unsettling and their body giving away their desire.

My friends say that I should be happy,full of myself to be given the features if a goddess but how can I be jovial when I can not go alone outside as the people say I tempt them towards sins. When I can not go to school like my siblings but am home schooled alone. When mama does not let me sit alone with my brothers because if fear of the unknown.
The truth is,I am scared. Scared of the world and the devil's amongst it that live within us and latch onto our bodies ,controlling each and every action of ours.

Calm yourself my subconscious states. And I try to do so by losing myself into the unfinished sketch on my bed that calls me.

"How's papa's sunlight?" He asks as he enters the room.
I smile as I hear the nickname he's given me. He once told me he could live in a cave excluded from the wonders in this world but with us,his family.
"But Papa,what about vitamin D. You'd die without sunlight!" My genius six year old self was surprised.
He took me in his arms and whispered in my ear,"You. You'd be my sunshine forever. Guiding me with the magic you leave in your trail."And ever since then,he's been calling me so.

His worried expression brings me back to reality from the memory. His old eyes betray his emotions. Is that fear and sorrow contained in them? Noting my keen eyes he hurriedly asks me about my studies.
"They're good like always. I've almost fully learnt English. So now that I can get the job of my dreams when you sed me to Peshawar!"
At this his smile fades and everything leaves his face. Hastily,he kisses my forehead and leaves my room. I stand bewildered lost in his eyes. Was it something at work? Did I say something inappropriate? Why do I feel as if something wrong is going to happen?
Stop it. There's nothing wrong so prevent your silly mind from wandering.

Taking a deep breath I leave the room only to find Nazbir and Fazbir arguing.
"Don't you two." I warn them. But as usual,they pay no heed to my words.
"Give it back to me. It's my turn."
"No,it's my mine. So stop acting like a sourpuss."
And the tackling begins.
"This isn't going to end good." I hiss to no one in particular.
As their fisticuff does not show any signs of ending, I decide to teach them both a lesson."Okay, I've had enough. Stop or I'll ruin the precious TV."
But those dimwits ignore me and keep on trying to kill each other. Ah,perks of being born in a family with male siblings. How much joy it brings me.

Hafiya, one year older than me just rolls her eyes and motions me to leave them alone,sooner or later they will end their brawl. Hafiya,angular having curly hazel hair and coffee colored eyes is the complete opposite of me in looks. In her hobbies,she and I are similar,we both love cooking, reading,sketching and collecting. We collect literally everything we can find that we are labelled as 'hoarders' by our family.
Nazbir and Fazbir,though unidentical twins have completely congruent personalities. Fans of movies,games and terrorizing me are what they are and they take utmost pleasure in that.
Ramal is although two years older than me,but she doesn't look so and I guess that's why she has the most problem with my features,because my 'beauty' makes me seem as if I'm an adult rather than an adolescent. However Ramal, small and slim with her short dark brown hair in natural waves and light brown eyes,tinted with gold deems herself unworthy of such 'poor' physical attributes.

Just as I raise my hand to smack Nazbir, the doorbell rings and I glare at Hafiya to see who is there. Even so,her expression says she'd much rather look at her pebble collection then waste a few seconds of her valuable life by looking at who is at the door.
Unwillingly,I trudge towards it and as I open the door,the sight that meets my eyes makes me feel warm. Zareeza,the eldest of us siblings enters with my brother in-law, Tanveer and Arsh,his youngest brother and my cousin.

"You guys didn't tell us you'd be coming." I accuse them."Why tell when there's no harm in keeping it a secret." Arsh smirks.
I punch him playfully and he fake dies. Once I start laughing,I stop rather hard.
"Make yourself at home." I purposely direct my statement towards Zareeza and the corner of her mouth tipped up with her eyebrows sinking into a disbelieving gaze. After all,it is her home as well.
Nearing towards the kitchen to get refreshments for our 'guests',I unintentionally catch Papa and Mama having a discord in their room.

"We have to tell her beforehand or else she'll be downcast. You know how she is. Modern and streamlined. She has her future set out in the city. We can't just do this to her. Isn't there a way?" Mama weakly argues.

"You were there,present that day. We made an arrangement ,a negotiation with him. We can't simply defy him. You know what he'll do to us!" Papa says with agitation.

"But it will destroy her." Mama mutters bleakly.
From where I stand,I can see her face black with regret. Her hands shaking and her head turning sideways in defiance.

Taking a deep breath Papa gravely remarks,"She will have to learn to live with it."
'Whoa,what's going on?'my subconscious asks me. But the answer is that I do not know. I do not understand why there is an immense presence of gloom today. I do not know why it is here and what it will do. However I do know that something is utterly askew.

"What took you so long?" Arsh questions as I bring juice and biscuits.
"Nothing"I mouth.
"So we were discussing what to give you tomorrow. After all you're only going to be sixteen once." Says Tanveer
My face lights up rapidly. I'd forgotten all about it-my birthday."All I want is a sketch pad,nothing else." He just nodds in affirmative.
"Zareeza,is something wrong? You look really worried!"I say. She's deep in thought with a frown etched on her face. She quickly regains her composure when I address her.
" I'm fine. There's no problem. "She smiles but it doesn't reach her amber eyes. She tucks a strand of her long glossy hair behind her ear.
Something is definitely wrong in this household.

The day goes by with laughs and talks, mama and papa joined in our conversation and well,that was an invitation for Ramal and Hafiya to get involved too.
At the end of it all, I go to sleep with a heavy heart for I can sense something is amiss here. I sense that the joy in our house may vanish and replaced by grief. And as my drowsy eyes shut, I hope it is all just a part of my imagination and that the monsters do not come alive.

Authors note:

Quote of the chapter:
~ Sometimes people are beautiful
Not in looks
Not in what they say
Just in what they are~

This is the first book I'm writing and honestly, I don't know what to expect. I just deeply hope you all enjoy this and If you do ,don't forget to vote and comment.
Also do remember the characters do not speak in English and they are not based off any real people.
So keep on reading and love you all!
XD