a heart's end

Eleven

Anaelle

    I woke up to Monty talking in his sleep.

    "No ma'am, not for me today. Thank you though." He mumbled. He was polite even in his sleep. I rolled my eyes and sat up annoyed.

    Getting drunk is nothing like it is in the movies. In the movies, they always pass out. They always never remember the next day. They always wake up feeling normal, not like death.

    But I do remember last night. Not as clear as it would've been if I were sober, but I still remember. I remember kissing Monty. The reasoning behind it is vague. I didn't pass out. And I feel horrible. Great.

    Do I feel bad for kissing Monty? No, not exactly. Knowing what I said before I did it would've been nice. Donte is going to get mad once I tell him. But I could care less. He might not even have to know. I looked over at Monty and he was curled up in the fetal position. He still had his t shirt on from last night and the comforter went up to his naval.

    I slipped out of Monty's room quietly and spent the next five minutes walking to my dorm while thinking. My brain absolutely can never stop thinking. Why did I kiss him? Was it because he was there? Because I was hormonal? Because I was pissed off at Donte? Or was there something deeper? I shook my head, disgusted at the thought. Monty is just some boy who, for some reason, I wanted to play with. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do but I do wrong things all the time. Like kissing a guy when I have a boyfriend.

    I need to stop all contact with him for awhile. He seems like the type to beg for attention, and for some reason he only wants mine. It will be quite easy to ignore him. He doesn't even have my number. I'll only ignore him until last night blows away. We should be on mutual territory then.

    When I entered my dorm no one was there. It was very odd, since Kalena is a big homebody. I quickly changed out of my t shirt and threw on a black tank top. Instead of sweatpants, I settled for a pair of light pink shorts. I brushed my hair, and laid on my bed for a second. I scrolled through my social media and connected my charger. It was only 9:30 in the morning.

     "Why did I change?" I mumbled to myself. What I really needed was a shower. Since I was alone, I stripped naked and threw a towel around myself. One thing I was very fortunate for in these small dorms is a personal bathroom, which is only available to a small number of dorms. I set my phone on the counter outside the bathroom and played soft music.

With the hot water beading along my body and streaming down my legs it led to a clear head and a not so bad stomachache. I honestly felt like death when I woke up this morning. I wonder if Monty will even remember last night. He was just as drunk as I was, I think. I knew he was before he left.

He was there last night. I kissed him. But why? Was it the moonlight that made everything surreal? Or the fact that nobody cared to find me but him? Was I missing Donte to much and craved the affection? I shampooed my hair. Nobody was to know. It was done and over.

Where was the girls? They normally are always in the dorm. I am such a bad roommate. An apology from Kalena is what I needed for what happened yesterday. Was it only yesterday?

If we could just be on even grounds, that would be a good step to lead our so called friendship in a good direction. My lack of friends will soon enough depress me, and I don't need another scenario like high school.

Donte was to come back tomorrow for Monday classes. I know he's going to bring up him staying with Veronica. He's very comfortable with facing his problems. Honestly, if he finds the need to seek comfort in other women then let him. I knew a long time ago that I am only half woman, I lack the motherhood and comfortability that other girls desire. It just adds another problem to my ongoing life list.