In The End (On Hold)

f o u r t e e n

an:
•i love you guys
•banner by CassieIzMyName
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f o u r t e e n

January 8, 2015

"Come on," I muttered, annoyed. All I wanted to do was listen to music, but obviously the earphones lying around the house were abandoned for a reason.

When I finally heard something, the sounds came out in spurts and there was static, as if I was flipping through radio stations. I rolled my eyes, giving up all hope as the crappy, cheap earphones projected a wonderful Ed Sheeran song horribly.

"He's right upstairs," I heard Mom say when I yanked the buds out of my ears.

I smiled, figuring it was either Matt or Callum, maybe even both. When the footsteps reached the top the the stairs, I looked up to the door of my bedroom. Before the person was in view, I saw red hair and assumed it was Callum. But when the person's full figure came into my vision, I saw that the hair was longer, and a bit darker. Not to mention this person was Athena.

My smiled quickly dropped when I saw the look she was giving me. She stepped into my room and walked up to me until we were toe-to-toe.

"You've been ignoring me," she stated bluntly. "And don't try to deny it, either. All you ever do is read or use your phone." She sighed and stepped back, her eyes clearing from the anger for a moment before filling with something else. "Look . . . I just want to know i--if you got freaked out about what I told you. If I'd known how you'd react, I would've never told you."

"N--no!" I objected. "It's not what you told me." I grabbed her grabbed her fingers and squeezed gently to reassure her.

"Then why?" she asked, her voice weak.

I sighed. Truth was, trying to avoid telling Athena of my leukemia led to me avoiding Athena herself. "Let's just say I haven't told you everything about myself either." I looked down, fearing the look she would give me. Hurt, because I didn't want to tell her her. Inquisitiveness, because nosiness was kicking in and she badly wanted know what I wasn't telling her.

"Mason," she whispered. I looked up. Instead of the expression I was expecting, she looked at me with a smile on her face and understanding. "It's okay."

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

After Athena left that day, Dad came home from work and prompted us to go to the living room because he rented movies on his way home, as it was a Friday.

Halfway into the second movie, Mom left to go to the restroom; it was now nearing the end of the movie and Mom hasn't returned. I assumed she slipped past without us noticing and headed to bed. Tommy fell asleep somewhere along the line, and who snuggled up next to Dad's side.

"Mason." I turned to see Dad looking at me. "Will you carry Tommy to his bed?"

I nodded as I got up. I walked over to Tommy and put one arm around his midsection and the other under his legs. When I stood back up, Tommy moaned in discomfort until I adjusted him to where his head lay on my shoulder and my hands supported him under his thighs.

I walked up to his room and slowly lay him on his bed. As I began to get up, I felt a small hand grab onto mine.

"Mason?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah?"

"Oh," he said simply, then yawned. "Just wondering."

"Goodnight, Tommy," I said before leaving his room.

Just as I was about to enter my room, I stopped, feeling the slight dryness of my throat. So I turned to get something to drink down at the kitchen.

Halfway down the stairs, I heard what sounded like sobs. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked. Finally, my eyes stopped at the bathroom under the staircase, where light was seeping under the door. Slowly, I crept down the rest of the stairs and walked to the door.

"I know, I know, Ashley." That was Dad's voice.

There was a mixture of sobs and whimpers. "But everyday . . . I--I see him changing. He's getting weaker, and quieter, and calmer . . . , skinnier, sleepier. I'm scared one day he's going to go to sleep, and . . . and--" she suddenly cut herself off in a series of sobs and whimpers.

"Sweetie, I know." I heard him take a deep breath. "But, for him, we need to be happy. We need to make his days--worth it."

And for the first time, I heard Dad's voice crack.

A long moment of silence passed before I got my senses back. I sighed, my eyes heating and body shaky.

Forgetting about the drink, I made my way to my bedroom, trying to escape before I started crying and alerted everyone. Nearing my room, I heard a small, "Mason?"

I gave a defeated sigh and slowly made my way to the threshold of Tommy's room. I hoped the dark shielded my watery eyes. "Yeah?"

Tommy sat upright in bed, alarmed, and asked, "Can you stay with me for a little bit?" He paused. "It's really dark."

For the second time in under ten minutes, I walked into his room. Tommy pulled his blanket up and to the side, signaling he wanted me to get under the covers with him. I lied down with him, and he tucked me in. "What's wrong?" he asked, finally taking notice of the unshed tears.

"Nothing," I denied, shaking my head.

Slowly, Tommy's arm rose and he used his thumb to wipe my left eye. He took a deep breath. "Night Mason. I love you." Then he was turning so his back was facing me.

And then my eyes watered again, but this time they spilled over.

And hearing the noise downstairs, and with one look at Tommy, so many emotions came at me.

And I don't think I ever wanted to just not exist so much.

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an:
i updated earlier than i said. i haven't been so proud of myself for updating in a while.