Chapter 23

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Jason's POV

Bright lights. Bright white lights, burning into the back of my eye sockets with a slight pink tinge even when my eyes are closed. I groan and try to turn away from the lights but I can't, cables and tubes wrapped around me. At first, I think I've fallen asleep at the computer again and gotten cables coiled around me in my sleep, but then my memory returns to me.

A flash of the sun disappearing behind a tall lorry, its wheels moving at a speed unseen by the human eye. Then a crushing, overwhelming pain filling my entire body until I feel almost like a corpse. I'm dead. Please let me be dead. The bright lights have got to be the afterlife. It has to. Maybe it's the white-hot flames of hell, down where I belong.

"Jason, are you coming to?" 

I raise one hand over my eyes and leave it there, groaning in pain as I feel a warm liquid slowly trickling down onto my eyelid.

"You tore your stitches doing that. Put your hand back down and lie still. I know it hurts. I'll get some painkillers for you."

"Am..." I cough, dropping my hand and feeling my lungs eject themselves through my throat. "Am I... dead?"

"No. I'll be right back."

The sudden realisation hits me - I'm alive. The constant pain and echoes of regret pounding through my skull at every second of the day. Everything I've ever done wrong suddenly hits me, and at the top of the list is my latest failure: I can't even end myself right. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and shake my head, feeling slow, freezing cold tears run down the length of my cheeks.

"Jason, what's wrong? Is the pain too great? I've got something for that if you just wait a few minutes for it to kick in."

I slowly open my slightly swollen eyes, squinting against the lights as my eyelashes pull each other apart and I look up at the nurse stood beside the bed, her hands expertly working at the IV stand and injecting some sort of liquid into it. "Wait..." I cough again, my throat squeezing the words until they're unrecognizable. "What.. is that?"

"Morphine. It'll make the pain easier to handle but also might make you a little woozy. Could knock you out. How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Like shit. How did... did I live?" I mumble under my breath, clenching my teeth at her laughter in response. Doesn't she understand the situation?

"The driver missed most of your main organs to a certain extent, you've just got a lot of cuts and bruises and broken bones. He swears he didn't see you, that you just threw yourself into the road. Is that true?" she questions me, staring me right in the eye. I blink, closing my eyes. 

I could lie to her and have that poor driver thrown in jail for years. Or I could tell the truth and have myself put under suicide watch. What the fuck do I do?

"Jason! Oh my, God, you're okay. Are you okay?" I turn my head to the doorway to see Alyssa stood there, tear tracks staining her face under dark circles from what appears to have been many sleepless nights. "Jason?"

"I'm fine, Liss," I reply, trying my hardest not to be grouchy. "How's things?" 

She scoffs, fresh tears welling up in her eyes and giving them a glossy shine that I've only seen a few times from her: once when she fell in love as a teenager and another time when her pet died. Just seeing that glint means this is a big deal to her - and the guilt hits me like a punch to the throat.  "How's things? You threw yourself under a truck, Jase! How do you think things are?!"

"Liss, I'm sorry," I try to say, but she shakes her head.

"Why?" she begs me, and I bite my lip. I really didn't want this question. "Why'd you do it? Is your life really that shitty?"

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I drop my head and stare into my lap, listening closely to the heart-rate monitor as it repeatedly beeps in time with my heart. "I... I hurt her, Liss. I hurt her and Barry was right. I should've died. I wish I had. I don't belong here."

Alyssa stares at me as I look back up at her, my eyes welling up with tears at the expression on her face. She just looks lost. "Jase..." she starts, blinking rapidly before shaking her head and gritting her teeth. "You need to shut the fuck up, got it? The only time you hurt her was when you tried to kill her best friend, you understand? I'm fucking glad you failed at that. I don't know what I'd do without you. And what the fuck did Barry say to you?"

I blink, trying to take in her words. "He said he hoped I died in a ditch."

She slams out of the room without hesitation, leaving me alone with the nurse, who smiles sympathetically at me. "I don't know what's wrong, hun, but suicide is never the right option. You'll see. Things are going to turn out okay as long as you hang around to let it."

I nod as she finishes hooking up a new IV bag and pats me on the shoulder before walking out. I stare at the closed door and let out a shaky breath. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I even try to do that?

Barry's POV

I roll out of bed and yawn, looking around the bunks to see empty beds. "Hello?" I call out, and within seconds, Brad sticks his head round the door, a grim expression on his face. "What's happened?"

"Get out here dude and join in," he says to me, disappearing again. I pull a shirt over my head and get out of bed, moving through to the main area of the bus.

I look down and see Lara sat on the chair, tear tracks on her face and hugging her daughter tightly. "What's going on?" She looks up at me and smiles gently. "What?" 

"Jason's in the hospital. He was in a road accident," she tells me, looking down at Rhia before covering one ear with her good hand and the other by pressing the girl's head into her chest. "He attempted suicide. Adam's postponed some dates and said we're all gonna go make sure he's okay since we're his friends. That okay with you?"

I blink, my heart skipping a beat as I realise what she'd said. I nod and she releases her daughter's head and starts bouncing her on her knee. Fuck. Turning around and heading into a bathroom, I lock the door and lean against it. "Fuck." Suicide? My eyes widen as I think back to our phone call yesterday. "Fuck!" This was my fault. 

A knock on the door shocks me out of the mindset and I open it, looking at Neil before exiting the room and making space for him to get in. He shakes his head and closes the door. "What's wrong? Why'd you disappear?"

"This is all my fault," I tell him. "I fucked up and Jason did that because of me."

Neil frowns and shakes his head. "How the fuck could it be your fault?" I bite my lip and turn away from him, heading to the back lounge. "I had a phone call with him yesterday. I wasn't particularly nice to him." Neil's eyes widen and his face goes slightly red in anger. Shit. "I didn't think he'd do that! I was only trying to help Lara."

"Why the fuck is being a dick to Jason going to help Lara?" he nearly shouts, and I wince at the tone in his voice. I never realised how protective and angry he can be. "Well? You want to fucking explain yourself?"

"He's in love with her," I tell him. "Madly. And I could see he was trying to break up Lara and Adam. So I told him to get over her and stop trying to. He decided that he had to cut her out of his life to do that, and it got her upset when he started being a dick, left, and hung up on her when she called him. I phoned him up and told him he was being a dick, and he dismissed it as if it was nothing! I got angry and might've told him to fuck off and die..." I trail off, looking at Neil as his anger only grows. 

Suddenly he raises his fist and hits me hard across the face, knocking me back a bit. I raise my hands to protect my face as he throws me to the floor and keeps hitting. I feel my nose crunch under his fist and a huge wave of pain hits me. I try to push him off but fail, feeling his fists land blows over and over and over. 

Brad appears behind him with shock on his face and tries to pull Neil off of me. As I watch and try to push myself up, Neil gets frustrated and hits Brad, earning a shocked cry of pain. That single sound pulls him out of his anger as his head turns to Brad, the fury in his expression melting into worry. "Brad? Shit, I'm so sorry."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Brad shouts at him, pulling a slightly bloodied hand away from his nose. "Why were you beating up Barry?"

"He's the reason Jase tried to kill himself!" Neil shouts back before catching himself and taking a deep breath. "I mean, I don't know. I'm sorry. Barry, dude, I'm so sorry. I just got so angry and...fuck. Brad, please tell me you're okay. I didn't mean to hit you. Did I break anything?"

Brad stares Neil directly in the eye, a slightly confused look on his face mixed with an expression I've never seen on his face before. "No, I... I'm fine. Don't worry. I think you broke a few things for Barry, though. Dude?" he asks me, and I nod, gripping my nose tightly.

"My nose is shattered and I think I might have a fractured cheekbone, too. I don't know. It doesn't hurt too bad right now," I tell them. "You worked through that anger?"

"Yeah. Fuck, dude, I'm so sorry. Are you sure you're okay, Brad? I'm so fucking sorry," he asks Brad, looking at him with a similar expression.

"Neil, fuck off, I'm fine. Honestly, it's just a bit of blood. I'm fine," the shorter man says, slightly frustrated. "You're lucky Rhia didn't see this. You don't want her scared of Uncle Neil," he jokes, laughing slightly and relieving a little of the tension in the room.

I hear my phone buzzing across the room and go to pick it up, one hand still clasping my nose as I answer the unknown number. "Hello?"

"Barry?"

"Yeah," I answer, confused and holding my hand to my nose while tilting my head back slightly.

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?! My cousin tried to kill himself because of you!" a female voice screams down the phone. "What exactly do you have to say for yourself?"

I frown, thinking about her words. "Who are you, sorry? Jason's cousin?" I ask her, and she scoffs down the line before taking a deep breath to shout again. "Hey, don't shout at me. I'm on my way to come see him now. You can hit me then."

"Damn right I'm gonna hit you. I'll break your fucking nose for this. You nearly took my fucking cousin from me. He means so fucking much to me; how the fuck could you do that?"

I sigh, feeling the bus roll to a stop. Pulling the curtain aside I look out over the hospital's parking lot and see a short girl with brightly colored hair gripping her phone with white knuckles. "I'm here now, and I think I can see you. I'll be right over."

I hang up and turn to step off the bus, still gripping my nose tightly and trying to skip through the pain. As I walk towards her, I can feel blood dripping down from my nose and I wipe it away, preparing myself for what will probably be a hard hit right in the broken nose. "Hello?"

The girl turns around and before she hits me she freezes, glancing at my face. "Motherfucker, who got there first?"

"Neil," I answer. "He accidentally hit Brad too." I frown. "I know you."

She laughs, putting one hand on her hip. "You're damn right you know me, go on, give me a name." My eyes widen as I recognise her.

"Alyssa."

A/N

Hello, people of the tinternet! Poor Barry with his broken nose. Didn't think Neil could be that violent, did you? Question of the chapter:

AshTheReporter: How much longer is this book gonna be and how often will you be updating?

In terms of how much longer this book will be, I honestly don't know. Probably up to about chapters 50-60? I'm not sure, it depends how I write it. But I will be trying to update a new chapter every Friday. I hope that answers your question.

Please leave your questions in the comments! They can be about anything, the more questions the better. The song of the chapter is Walk Away by Black Veil Brides, but adios for now, people!

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