In the shadows(Larry Stylinson)✔️

2

Louis

I walk past my locker without even stopping to get out my books. I know my teacher will get mad but I will be late if I stop and try to get up that damn locker. My locker have always been one of the few lockers that never want to open.

Because of me having to give my mother her medicine this morning I'm late. It's nothing unusual for me to be late and sometimes I feel like my teachers think I'm troubled.

They of course know what happened to Jane and Frankie... but they do not know how we live at my place... if you can call it living.

I am the only one who actually tries to move on, my mother is stuck in the past and long lost in depression. My father is still stuck with a job he hates and is convinced that we don't need help with taking care of Frankie. The doctor even told us about this great assistance service that is completely free when it's about someone with Frankie's problem.

But my dad just want to move on and pretend nothing is wrong with Frankie and pretend we can make it without help. Why can't he just face reality and realize we can't handle this by ourselves? Mom needs more help than we let on... Frankie needs more help than we can ever give her... dad needs rest... and I... I need to focus on my life, my future. I might sound selfish, but for the last two years I have been so focused on everyone else that it's not only my family who puts me last... I put myself last too.

I'm not eating properly, taking care of school or hanging out with friends because I don't have time to think about myself, I don't have time to think about my wellbeing... and the worst part is neither one of my parent is noticing that they are slowly killing me because they can't face reality and realize they have a responsibility as parents.

"Tomlinson, late again I see." I look at the old man standing at the board looking like he is going to kick me out of school any second. I just apologize and sit down beside Nikola one of the guys in my class that I know always have an extra pen and paper so I can borrow if needed to write something down.

Nikola have been a lifesaver those last couple of months when everything just seemed to go more downhill than usual.

"Did you see that Eric Styles are releasing a new single this afternoon?" He asks me and I just roll my eyes, I have never been a fan of Eric Styles, his whole family seems so fake, like his mom is updating her Instagram with like a million pictures of him every single day.

She is worse than most fan accounts.

The only one who seems remotely sane in that family is his brother, but then again the world doesn't know that much about him because apparently he have all his accounts on private and doesn't give a fuck about talking to anyone about his brother.

I kind of like that about him, because I see people all the time trying to make a carrier of from other people.

"I don't understand what you see in that dude" I say and Nikola just laughs and shakes his head. Nikola is a big Eric Styles fan and knows way too much about him and honestly it sometimes scares me.... But then again his girlfriend doesn't seem to mind because she is almost as crazy as him so hey they complete each other.

"Someday you will see what I see in Styles and then you will change your mind about him." I laugh a little because let's face it, that will never happen in a million year... I don't have the time to even try liking this dude, I don't have time to google and stalk him because there is so much more important things I need to do...

Like I don't even have time to chase my dream because of my life right now.

I try to keep up what Mr. Grumpy-old-man is saying but honestly I don't even know if we're still talking about science or if we're talking about math... what even is going on?

The bell rings and I just sit there looking at the board.... What the fuck was this lesson about? What was I supposed to learn? Will this be on the test? Because if so then I'm fucked.

I walk out of the classroom and I can see some dudes from the football team talking to our coach. I walk over to them and hear them talking about who's going to next match.

"Hey guys!" I say trying to smile but I already know that they all feel like I have abended them... well maybe in a way I have... I barely show up to practice or matches... and if I do I always have to leave early or is late... I haven't been on a full practice this year and I know they all hate me for it.

"Tommo, just the guy I was looking for!" Coach says and I look at him, he is a middle aged man named Alan.

"My office now." He then continue to say and I can feel myself getting a little worried... fuck.

I walk after him in to the little room that used to be a storage room before coach turned it in to an office for him.

"I know you love football... but Louis you never show up to practice. I told you last year that you had a big chance to have a football stipendium but I have been so patient with you. We can't have someone on the team who isn't fully devoted to it. The team is counting on you and you always let them down..." I know where this is leading and I hate it... I have always wanted to have a football stipendium and being able to study and play football... my parents doesn't have the money for that...

"I'm sorry to say this but we have to let you go. There is so many who would do anything to have your position on the team and we can't have a person on a team when they doesn't show that they want to be there at all... I'm sorry Tomlinson." I nod and stand up from the chair... I guess I just have to find something else to do with my life.

I wanted to be a professional football player so I could take care of my family financially so my dad didn't have to work his ass off... but it looks like I am closer to a job at McDonalds than anything in football...

I go through the rest of the day in a blur not really listening not really there. I then walk to the doctor's office and pick up Frankie's medicine.

When I get home I already know something is wrong before I have taken my shoes off... My mother is standing fully dressed and with a smile on her face... what is going on?

"Your grandparents are here" She says and I realize that she's not happy... she is faking for her parents so they won't see how hard things are right now.

"I called your father he will be home soon, he decided to take the rest of the day off" She says and I nod. I give her Frankie's medicine and she thanks me before walking in to the living room, I guess my grandparents are in there.

"Hey grandpa..." I say when I walk in to the living room and he gives me a big smile. I can't see grandma or Frankie so I'm guessing they are off in some other part of the house.

"You're home early, your sister said something about football practice." He says and I fake a smile.

"No it got cancelled today." I say and try to hide that I am lying... Grandpa was the one who taught me to play football... it was always something we had... now I don't think we will have anything to talk about anymore.

"I actually have loads of homework so I'm going to go up on my room." I say and leave them... I can feel how my stomach is turning inside out and I hurry in to my room and to my bathroom. I empty my stomach in the toilet... it's not much coming out when you think that the only thing I have eaten today is a half sandwich for lunch... I'm not even hungry I just feel so discusting with myself... My life is ruined just because I was a selfish bitch two years ago!

If I only had picked up when Jane called me, if I had answered then she would still be here... and Frankie would be able to walk.... If it wasn't for me being a stubborn bitch I would still have my family, everything would be as normal...

If it wasn't for me Jane wouldn't have gotten in with Frankie in Frankie's boyfriends car... why did they have to take a ride with him home? Frankie knew he had been drinking!

Why didn't I pick up.... Why?

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I hope you guys are enjoying this story! I love writing it!!