No Hope (An Outsiders/That Was Then, This is Now Fanfic)

Chapter 4

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You Don't Know
Why I'm Like This
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*A special chapter fully narrated by Randall Anderson*

I sat at my desk writing another entry in my red journal.

August 27th, 1963

I keep trying to booze myself to death. I've been drinking so long, I've built up a damn tolerance to it. I'd have to drink a few truck loads for that to happen.

I bet this is what Ryan would've wanted. He might be halfway across the country, but I know he'd be proud. He told me to be like him because it would get me places in life. It got him a wife, a good job, and some kids. Ah, who am I kidding? I have to get drunk to even yell at a girl. I had to get unbelievably drunk to hit Madi. I can still remember every look of fear, hurt, and betrayal on her face. It hurt me ten times worse than it ever hurt her.

I remember the first time I dated her. I was nice to her, but Ryan kept telling me that being nice gets you nowhere. So I got drunk one day and asked her if she trusted me. When she said she did, the alcohol took it from there. I regret that day with every fiber of my being.

Now Madi's with a greaser. I like the guy 'cause he treats her good and only hit her once. He was drunk too. I did much worse to Madi than a broken nose.

What makes me and that kid different anyway? Is it our personality? Our money? Our clothes? Those reasons are pointless. We're both guys that are fighting to belong. We're both humans. Why did I ever think we were different?

I dropped my pencil and looked out the window.

"What does make us different?" I mumbled.

I grabbed a box and shoved some stuff in it. If it was our clothes that made us different, then he needed some of my clothes. I tossed in a few pairs of pants and shirts. If it was our money that made us different, then he needed some more money. I put 100 dollars in the box.

I put it in the passenger side of my mustang and drove towards his friend's house. When I got there, I began to write a note.

Dear Johnny,

I know this doesn't make up for what I've done to you and Madi, but I hope it's a start. I started thinking about why we were different. If it's money and clothes, then this should make us a little more equal.

Randy.

I set the box on his doorstep and rang the doorbell. I quickly got in my mustang and drove off. This didn't really make us equal, but at least it was a start.

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-~-Author's Note-~-

Picture of Randy on the side!
Sorry it wasn't very long. I just don't like Randy in this book very much so it's hard to make a sympathetic chapter about him. I put in spaces and indented it so it looked longer... ha :). Well, anyways, bye!

~E

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