Chapter 008
On the drive to James' gym, Sophie suggests that we put on her CD that she brought from her house. I agree, being the kind person I was... but how wrong was my kindness. When Miley Cyrus' voice started to play 'we can't stop', I almost jump out of the car screaming whilst my ears bleed. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I refuse to listen to her.
James, being the sane person he was, cut the engine and told her to get out and walk. After that we made it perfectly simple that we are not to listen to any sort of Miley Cyrus music, we drove listening to the radio. Sophie was awesome and all, but seriously? Miley, her music taste was terrible. Miley, Justin, Usher. She should just be put into a mental institution right now.
The night was long and hard, we'd fight, have a break then fight again. At the moment, I'm on my second break, I shut every one out and thought about everything going on in my life. That's always my best plan, to build up my emotions, then let them out through anger. The Blue House Institution letter, my dad, it was all so wrong. I stood up and turn on the treadmill. "Cass, what are you doing?"
"Shut up."
James rolls his eyes and walks away. "Whatever, just build it up and only for ten minutes. We need to get straight back to punches." He's stupid. Build it up my ass. I would way prefer to push my foot up his ass and get this working fast and hard.
I keep pressing the up button, the speed of the treadmill increasing. My legs move fast, faster than before. "Cassidy, maybe you should stop. Before James goes in a girly fit..." Sophie looks at me, concern flashing through her eyes. Don't be concerned, it's just a cheap treadmill. What could go wrong?
I shake my head and continue at a fast pace. James walks back in from the kitchen, he stares at me and glares. What? He needs a chill pill, just like my mother. The anger on his face almost makes me want to back down, however I don't. "Stop." He says, anger lacing his voice.
"No."
"Now."
"No!"
He slams his fist on a table, "It wasn't a question!" He shouts back and I flinch, pressing the emergency stop on the running machine. "Thank you." He says calmly.
My body is frozen, if I kept on running I would have most likely fallen off it. "What?" I whisper. Sophie stands by, far away from us, the tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. "Don't speak to me like that." I glare at him breathlessly. He returns the glare.
"I have every right to."
That's just what my father said before he was locked up in a crazy house. "You really don't." I step of the treadmill and grab my bag. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good-bye Soph." She waves a little before I leave the building. Have you ever felt like just breaking down, just for no reason, cry so much you could flood a river? That's exactly what I felt like doing right now.
My baby sisters won't live to see 2014, they'll die of hunger, dehydration. My brother is sneaking off in the middle of the night, missing his lessons. My mum is on the edge of losing everything, my dad is dead. We are so close to losing the house too. We'll be living on the streets in no time.
I look both ways, left and right. Left, I'm never right anyways. I begin my walk to the opposite path from home. Where am I going again? The park. That one place where I could just sit there, look at the reflection from the moon on the lake water and watch as the wind causes goose bumps to erupt all over my arms and neck.
Needing somewhere to gather my mind, I spot a bench, near the lake water. The moon was in a perfect position, it reflects onto the water, and the tree's cast shadows all around me. The nearest lamp post is at least fifty yards away from where I sat now.
My legs spread open, my hands in between them, just as if I was a boy. I spend too much time with guys. Sighing, I take in my surroundings, it is so quiet, so peaceful. I remember the day after my dad had ran away, disappeared, vanished into thin air. There are so many words to describe what he did.
"Where's he gone, mum?" She shakes her head, not answering my question. "Mum? Where's he gone? He's missed breakfast." I sniffle through my nose. He never misses Breakfast. We always make sure both of us attend, he hasn't missed it since I was born, since I was just a baby.
She looks at me and smiles. "He's not well." That was all that I got out of her. I remember what happened last night, when he pushed mum over, I stood up to the monster. How could I still love a monster? Maybe because I want someone to walk me down the aisle when I could finally meet my Prince. Because he can change, I know it in my heart.
No matter what anyone of mums friends said, my father is the best, when he has a smile on that beautiful face of his. "I miss him." I whisper.
"Just eat up, don't fuss. You're going to school too," I groan and eat up my breakfast. "No matter how late you are, you should attend." She was right, I was late, but it had been a rough night, I was up late and needed to sleep.
My mother has aged a year and half since last night, her hair is still a mess, she has panda bear eyes too. I feel like calling her a panda, but I don't know if it would hurt her, maybe break her a little. I couldn't take that risk.
Once I have finished my food, I put the plate into the sink and wash my hands and face. "Alright, go and get your lazy brother up." She smirks. I smile, nodding my head in all directions. My brother is a year younger than me, just like last year, and the year before that. I loved being the eldest child, it rules.
I jump on his bed and scream his name, "Joe! Joe! You've missed breakfast!" He groans and looks up at me.
"Breakfast in bed?"
I snorted. "Not a chance, baby." I stick my tongue out at him and he chases me down the old cottage stairs and into the kitchen. "Mum!" I shout her, she could guard me from my crazy brother. "Help!" She laughs and puts me behind her.
Joe cries out and says that I am the favourite and I stick my tongue out at him, once again. "You're both my favourite. Now eat up, you're going school."
Me and Joe pull a face and at the same time cries out to her, whining that we should stay at home today. "Please mum, I'm tired." I pull the most amazing puppy-face, and her lip quivers, caving into my charades.
"Joe eat up. You're going in tomorrow. I'll call the school." We both cheer and giggle. I run back to my room and hide under the covers, reading my book that Dad brought for me from when I was five. I flick on my torch and began reading and giggling at how I wish I was in the fairy tales. Why can't I be in the books? Living in the real world is too hard.
I smiled to myself. I was such an enthusiastic child, even when I knew my mother was going through hell and we both knew that he wasn't coming back. The Blue House Institution letter keeps replaying in my mind. Why? I don't understand, why he would do that? My mum would come into an empty house, just the same. But it was always as if dad's spirit was still with us, the loving side of him, not the monster.
Now... that spirit will be gone. Tears fill my eyes and I try with everything in me not to cry. There was no need to cry over that, don't cry please. Crystal tears fall down my cheeks and onto my lap. I just want answers to all my questions. Why did he have to be ill in the first place, mum said he was a wonderful man when she met him and when she really did love him so much, she had me, then Joe. The twins were just babies.
