How ludicrous is it for me to sit around people I've known for years, people who I've grown up with and went through hell with, and feel as if nobody knows the real person that I am. Nobody does though, and it scares me. It scares me how I've cut myself off from everyone, and it's difficult to deal with my emotions. Which causes me to definitely drift away, while nobody pays attention to how much I'm hurting.
I'm hurting.
God, am I fucking hurting. To the point where I've contemplated. Multiple times. To the point where I had a gun to my head, with the safety off, and I was just a heartbeat away from pulling the trigger. Nobody can tell just how messed up I am, and in a way that makes me laugh. People are incredibly oblivious when it comes to the pain radiating off the people around them. I think tonight is it for me, I truly do. I'm tired, I'm done with everything involved with my life.
