rain [taekook] DISCONTINUED

human

CHAPTER FIFTY FOUR // HUMAN
Jungkook POV

+

Pain. Ache. Agony.

+

That is all that is felt within my mind and body upon my awakening in my cold, dark room. Empty. My eyes had opened, immediately seeking the sensation of rest that differed from my two hours of nightmares. My gaze locked upon the vacant spot beside me that yearns to be filled by my one true love. He's gone now. He's going to move on, he's going to find someone new, he'll find someone better, he'll forget me. All the while I'll still be here, staring at that cold, empty spot.

+

A sigh emits passed chapped lips that are are now coated in red from tiny openings, my body has turned numb from the lack of movement from hours of laying in bed, the covers draped securely over my small frame while tears drip down my cheeks subconsciously. I haven't stopped crying since the moment everything ended. Even when I was asleep I cried buckets, my pillows were soaked in a salty dew.

+

Why does it hurt so much? Why can't I just forget? I'd do anything to just forgot... but then I'll forget all the greatest moments in my life. The times were I truly felt happy. I love Taehyung, so much. I can't let him go, I won't be able to love another and that scares me down to my core. No one is ever going to love me like he did and I'll never love anyone but him. No one else is going to want me. My old thoughts are beginning to return and I find myself being even more pathetic and useless than before. Happiness is impossible for you and now you're all alone.

+

I lick my lips to wet them ever so slightly, immediately tasting the bittersweet tanginess of both fresh and dried blood. My hands clench around the freezing sheets of my bed that no longer possess the warmth I desire. Everything feels so cold now, nothing is glowing in an enchanting light, everything seems dull and pointless.

+

Taking one deep breath and a few sniffles to follow, I slowly sit up, squeezing my eyes shut to control the inevitable stabbing pain that travels through my brain. One of my hands quickly reaches up to soothe the ache while the other supports my trembling body that has slipped back into its old form. The strength I've built up is now gone. You're a living corpse, no one loves you.

+

My hand shakily reaches over to my bed side table to grab my phone. I lift up the object and turn it on, the bright light causing my brain to split into even more pain, even when the brightness is on the lowest possible setting. I swallow harshly and swing my legs to the side of the bed, letting them sway side to side, one hand fiddles with the device while the other rest on a boney knee.

+

52 missed messages. 27 missed calls. 16 voicemails.

+

A strained groan escapes pink lips, tears falling in an uncountable manner. I bite my bottom lip to refrain from breaking down, for if I do, no one can come save me and be my momentary superman. Instead of focussing on the messages from the one I wish to forget so desperately, I concentrate on the ones from concerned friends and one eager best friend. They haven't stopped trying to contact me since the break up four days ago, I haven't responded to any of them.

+

They've each visited too, each with a different tone and more selected words, all except Jimin were calm and dignified. He has visited everyday, speaking quietly on the other side of a thin oak door in the hopes I would be listening. I was there every time he spoke, hearing each sad word spill form his lips. I can't blame him for being worried, if my best friend had locked himself in an isolated area for nearly a week without contacting I would be concerned too. I just wish he didn't make me feel so guilty about it.

+

I still remember his visit form yesterday, the sickening tone of despair making me sob quietly, I think he heard the small cries, too. He sang. He never sings, he has a beautiful voice but lacks confidence. He used to sing to me when we were young and alone at the park, I always adored his voice and found it so angelic and addicting in a sense. He stopped singing when he started to grow, he's always had internal battles with himself. Whether he fits society's standards and acted in a certain way to please everyone. Thankfully, he still wears what he wants. I love his old, vintage style clothing.

+

Pushing my thoughts aside, I let another tear slip down my cheek as I observe the new messages that illuminate my phone screen in a displeasing way.

+

Seokjin
Jungkookie, sweetie, you need to text
one of us back, okay?
Read 11:39am

+

Yoongi
Kid, tell us what happened for fuck sakes.
Do u know how much Tae has
cried over u?
Read 11:39am

+

Namjoon
Seokjin and I droped off a few things by your
door, please take them in and take care of yourself
okay? Everyone misses you.
Read 11:39am

+

Jimin
OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR NOW BEFORE
I LOSE MY GODAMN MIND!!!!!
Read 11:39am

+

Hoseok
Jungkook, listen, u need to come out.
We can help you!! Just have hope!!
Read 11:39am

+

The usual messages of worry and support from my friends is nothing new, they send few, Jimin being the one who sends the most. His tend to be angry and full of fear and sadness. Taehyung leaves the most messages overall. He hasn't stopped texting since the morning after the break up, he has his mind set on making me tell him the truth, why I really broke things off. I can't tell him, Mr. Kim says its best if I just ignore his pleads in the hopes that'll he'll forget quicker. I guess that's the only thing I can do. More tears slip out of my eyes as I glance over the missed attempts of communication from him.

+

Taehyung
Just tell me why please!!!
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
I love you, so much
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
Why did u leave me??
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
I'm dying
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
I need u
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
Please
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please. Please. Please. Please.
Please. Please.
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
Open the door, bunny
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
U better be eating
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
I love you
Read 11:40am

+

Taehyung
I'm not gonna stop till u reply
Read 11:40am

+

A choked sob escapes chapped lips, my voice so hoarse and sore from days upon nights of crying to no end. My eyes remain itchy and red while my cheeks stay puffy and damp. I scroll through the dozens of other message from the same clingy person, the one I want so badly to be here and cuddle me like everything is still okay. Only it's not, and I don't think it'll ever be okay ever again.

+

I drop my phone to the cold wooden floors, letting the piece of technology skid across icey floors until it stops at the wall, still continuing with its merciless buzzing. I shake my head bringing on a strong pain, I squint my eyes shut and shakily bring my hands up to cup over my ears to block out the repetitive sounds. The simple solution would be to turn off my phone, but for some longing reason, I decide to keep it on. It's the only thing that's drawing me back into reality when my mind drifts afar.

+

It's the only thing keeping me alive.

+

Standing abruptly, I sprint out of the room, ignoring the pain in my head and my weak knees that that can no longer support my weight. Without warning, my legs give away, causing my whole body to colide against the hardwood floors, my small frame sliding along the floor before laying flat on my stomach, eventually turning on my back. My knees burn with a pain so severe and harsh, all I want to do is replace the pain but I refuse. More bruises will be added to the collection of purple and yellows that already litter pale legs from slips and tumbles from the past few days.

+

I'm wasting away.

+

And I don't care.

+

Another tear slips from my eye as it drips to the floor, beginning to create a puddle that will soon spread and become larger as the hours will soon pass without me barely moving an inch. Everything is numb, well, aside from my mind. The stinging and stabbing reminds me that I'm still human and can still feel pain.

+

Human. A real human being wouldn't break up with their one true love because of guilt and intimidation. I guess I am no longer human, I am Jungkook. No matter what one wishes to call me I'll still be me, and that's as worse as it's going to get.

+