Insuppressible

Secrets.

"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."
― George Orwell

I remove my earphones when I see my mom open the door.
"Sorry Zoe,I knocked but..." she looks at my earphones and resumes "guess you didn't hear me. Any ways,all of us are gonna watch a movie so do you want to come and join us?"
The second I saw her I got reminded of Dylan and how I'm not supposed to tell anyone, and it just hurts to keep something you don't believe to yourself.

"Yeah mom,just give me a minute and I'll be down" I say as i walk towards the bathroom to wash my face. I look at the mirror and say "okay Zoey, forget the shit that's happening and just calm down, you'll be fine. I promise."

Like promises matter.

....................................

That was my favourite scene too!" Zayn responds to dad and then they turn to clueless me,
"oh yeah! Ummm....that scene was pretty good!"
They sensed my tone of sarcasm, "Are you okay honey?" Dad asks..
Ummm.. Well if by "okay" you mean, getting kidnapped, being drugged, strapped to a chair, killing animals, having some sort of stupid thing in my body and becoming a complete confused psychopath in the next few hours,then yes I am OKAY.
"Thanks dad,I'm fine" I say.
I go up to my room and find my camera (that I apparently lost) on my bed with a note on top of it. The letters "SGA" are printed on it, the note reads..

From Dylan,

We apologise for taking your camera, we just needed a way to keep you home alone, and don't forget, let the secret remain one. We'll see you soon.

Great! now I became the confused psychopath.I throw the note away. The bare thought of someone in my room keeps me awake all night, and anyway who does he mean by "we" I thought it was just Dylan. "we'll see you soon" was I gonna get kidnapped again ? What if I stay with a bunch of people all the time, then they can't get to me, but then for some reason I feel like I need to go, because I need to know more about me and what's happening to me or maybe ...just maybe, I'm too scared to hear it, scared about finding out what I actually am. Scared of me.

...................................................

It's been three days and nothing unusual has happened, maybe because I'm being very careful with everything I do, but I'm tired of it, I just want to know. I have to know what the hell is wrong with me.
I storm into my backyard and start screaming "I'm right here Dylan! Why don't you come here and freaking take me! I'm a monste....." My mouth is covered before I finish, it's not Dylan, it's a woman with an SGA badge on her shirt, she pulls me into the bushes, one of her hand on my mouth and the other firmly on my hip, she starts speaks "Listen kid, we're still watching and if you mess up just once again, I swear you will not want to hear the end of it, heard me right?" I nod, She proceeds
"We said we'll see you, so wait." she closes my eyes, and in a second she's gone.

I run to my basement where I hung up a punching bag a couple of years ago and start venting all my anger on it, I punch and punch and the more I punch, the more I feel like just crying my eyes out. I remove my boxing gloves, sit down and just enjoy the quietness, that's all I wanted now, silence.