traces of stardust

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song that i always sing along to
diet soda society // the maine

His existential tendencies weren't always this mind numbing; on the occasions where he'd get particularly trapped in its deafeningly dark depths, it took something concrete that was by no means capable of abandoning him to put the spring back in his step.

For the past two years, that constant he never imagined losing that could without fail work wonders had been Eli. All Dan had to play back in his head was the sound of the boy's honest laugh (which made his heart swell in glee every time he was the cause of its release) and he'd be as right as rain; in seven hundred and thirty days, he'd grown to blindly assume the simple noise made by the one he grew to love in that time span would never abandon him. With this in mind, it's no wonder Dan could slip back into reality before others had the thought to even question what he'd endured alone in his mind's barriers whilst they continued on with whatever small talks were at the table without his input as if the information shared was newspaper worthy.

Except, he didn't have Eli to rely on anymore; ever since the school year began he'd been lucky to hear from him at all after the bell signaled that their lessons were over and had been given the smallest taste of freedom they could possibly get.

Nothing Dan had attempted could get through to him recently; it felt like they were back to square one in terms of their relationship and he was left blind sided as to what he could do to fix it.

This unspoken drift between them had been the very cause of the answerless questioning of what truly mattered. Was anything worth reaching out for if in the end he'd lose it some way or another regardless of how much effort he put in to keep it?

While he knew deep down getting away wouldn't solve all the troubles rooted in his head, a change in scenery surely couldn't hurt right?

Oh how wrong of a move that was.

As soon as Dan took a seat in the diner booth where they had first shared a strawberry milkshake, the sight his eyes took in made him wish he'd gone anywhere Eli hadn't tainted his touch with.

He was with Carrie, the girl with the voice of an angel he met in choir six months before when she moved here from London; they were sitting on the barstools that Dan remembered wanting to occupy on their first date around that time, but Elliot had tore that idea out of his head like a parent denying dessert despite their child's eagerness to try one at a restaurant with a glare that said something he hadn't quite been able to read at the time. Now, that memory was practically screaming its true meaning like it had just experienced a harsh slap to the face.

You were never who I wanted to call mine.

At first, Dan thought about straight up leaving and confronting Eli about what he saw the next time they were face to face but that bubble of a plan was popped the second he noticed Carrie leave the diner; Eli's hand was in hers while the most love struck expression was across her features, all while the boy she was happily giving her attention to was locking eyes with him in utter disbelief.

"Are you ready to order?" a voice spoke gently, the interruption on the silent stare off between Elliot and himself enough to nearly make Dan jump.

"Y-Yeah, I'll have a Sprite."

"Alright, I'll be right back with it for you." they replied kindly, Dan silently thanking them for not pushing towards figuring out what had taken his little breather to such a sour note.