Wanna get your dream guy to fall in love with you?
Step 1: Be his only possible option. Cleverly assassinate all other potential relationship candidates. This includes ex-girlfriends, current/past crushes, and girls who like him or used to like him. Let every other female in a 5ft radius know that your man is not for sale, and that he is yours and will be yours for the rest of eternity. Take adorable photos together and tag all of your friends in them; or, if you're a humbug like me and don't 'do' social media, plaster them all over the entire school. If you see your man walking next to another girl, cut in between them, grab his hand, and glare at your opponent until she flees before your mighty gaze.
Step 2: Get to know him... online, of course. Stalk him on all of his social medias, interrogate all of your friends and his friends for information, then ask him him fail-safe questions such as, "What's the name of the stuffed animal on your bed that you've had since you were six?", and, "How was your Grandma's surgery; that mole looked painful!"
Step 3: Flirt! Exhibit A: "I want to pin you down in a dark alley and rip your fantastic hair out of your head and keep it so I can stroke late at night." Exhibit B: "You are so sweet! You'll be a great father to our kids. I was thinking of Steve for a guy...."
Step 4: Woo him with your womanly wiles. If he looks at you, play with your hair and swipe on a coat of tantalizing red lipstick that you bought just for him. You should base every aspect of your appearance on whether your crush will think you're pretty that way. Buy/learn how to apply cool, expensive makeup that will get your crush to notice you. Start working out and wear skimpy clothes, just in case if your personality isn't enough.
Step 6: The first kiss. Take him somewhere romantic, like a school dance. (If he says no, drag him along anyway, he's just playing hard to get.) After the dance, take him away into the woods/neighborhood/cornfields (yes, my school is surrounded by cornfields,) and snog him senseless underneath the moonlight. This is where fluffy fanfiction comes in handy. Impress and seduce him with your kissing skills, then ask to be his girlfriend. If he runs away screaming, don't worry. He's just gone off to tell his friends the good news.
'Viola! You're not alone anymore!
........
Guys. Guys, come on. No one is stupid enough to believe this crap. I'm no where near an expert on relationships (all my single pringles put your hands up), but I've read enough unrealistic fanfiction to have a general idea on what guys like, and it's for you to be yourself. My friend gave me an expert piece of advice one day; "He's a guy, not an alien or a deity." And this is so true, because if you treat him like a human being (meaning not tease the crap out of him-believe me, I've made that mistake numerous times), and be the goofy, sarcastic lovable person you are, then he's going to see you as a strong sweet, level-headed heroine that he wants to get to know better. (However, if you walk around droning that you have no soul and you hate everybody, he's going to shy away from you)
Now onward! Into the vast, terrifying mist that is love, and hope that when you emerge on the other side, your vision won't be perfect, but a million times brighter!
*silently high-fives self for last sentence* Okay, I'm done, have a fabulous day, cupcakes!!!!
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a guide for getting that bread.
Random"help, i've fallen for bucky barnes and i can't get up" ~advice, life hacks, and tips for weary fangirls struggling to get this bread.~
