Letters to the Known and Unknown.

notes - 2

his last words -
"i asked god for forgiveness and he forgave me.
I asked the virgin mary for forgiveness and she forgave me.
i asked all the churches and pastors for forgiveness.
i asked forgiveness from the one woman i truly love, my wife.
without god, we are nothing.
i asked for more time so my family can see my progress but god said no, my time is his now." "and with that, he died." the priest said.
he was such a strong man. very prideful and proud, but in the end, he pushed his pride away for me, my family, for his wife. this is the man i didn't talk to for months. this is the man who i only knew for 15 years. im jealous of my older cousins who got more time with him. i'm jealous of the cousins who he favored. i don't remember one time he wished me a happy birthday. but the triplets, i bet he stayed up until midnight just to wish them a happy birthday. i forgive you. i forgive you for making grandma move out. i forgive you for ignoring me on new year's day. i forgive you for everything grandpa. when i looked at you in your casket, something i dreaded, you looked just like you were getting married again. you barely had any hair left. your skin felt like weird leather. your hand was the only thing that still looked intact. the cancer spread throughout your body left a huge toll on you. i didn't leave you like that when i last saw you alive. only 5 days before you left us. before you left me.
- 'Funeral Thoughts'

i knew that i had feelings for you when all i wanted to was hold you and take care of you when you were high.

i'm sitting behind you as you take turns between me and him of who you should lay on. i want you to lay on me because i'm the one who never wanted you to get this way but he's the one encouraging it.

Somehow we mixed up goodbye and goodnight.
- Possibility Days by Counting Crows
thank you to the one who showed me this song. you've made me laugh when all i wanted to do is end it all.

thank you to the girl that taught me the easiest way to get over someone is to stop talking to them, except you came back to me. 😝