All That Matters

Chapter 37

(So I'll just tell you guys what songs I listened to whole writing this chapter:)xx

One Last Dance- R5

Half a Heart- One Direction

Terrible Things- Mayday Parade

Turn Your Face- Little Mix

Pretending- Ryan Beatty

Say Something- A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

Don't Let Me Go- Harry Styles)

Harry and I walk through the swaying mass of drunk people. He guides me through quickly, trying to get out of the crowd.

But the curiosity is slowly killing me, like poison in my blood stream. What is he hiding? I'm not good at staying out of things- especially when I'm so involved and I have no idea why. Why does almost everyone I meet know me?

Harry leads me up the stairs and down the long hallway, lined with doors to bedrooms. Most of them are shut and most likely locked. I don't let myself imagine what people are doing in there, and Harry seems to be blocking them out as well. We reach a glass door and he slides it open. I'm delighted to find that it's a vacant balcony- no one else.

"Harry," I start, unsure how to finish my sentence.

"I know." he says, running his fingers through his hair. We both stand at the railing, gazing out at the large field that surrounded Carly's house. The milky moonlight blanketed the grassy meadow that rolled into the distance. The view is breathtaking, but having Harry by my side makes it ten times better; however part of me hates him for keeping everything from me. "I need to tell you. It's been to long of me leaving you guessing." he sighs.

"It has been." I agree quietly.

"It's hard to say." he says, looking at me. His emerald eyes seem clouded with a worry that I don't understand. He glances down and adjusts his jacket before speaking up. "You know how I used to be in a gang?"

"Yes,"

"Well, they were bad people, obviously. And to be honest I'm not quite sure how I got mixed up with them. But I became very... respected, in a way." He starts slowly and carefully, his deep raspy voice giving me butterflies that I force down. It's hard for me to believe that he's actually telling me the whole story. I don't have to be so lost any more. "James, I'm sure you've heard his name, is the 'leader' of The Circle. I had become a really good friend of his. He trusted me," his voice breaks off as he anticipates what to say next. "He had a girlfriend, Roan. We hooked up a few times when James and her were off, and even sometimes when they weren't." He admits as if he was disappointed with himself- well he should be, I guess.

"So he hates you because of that?" I ask.

"Not just that." he says through his teeth. "We were at a party and Roan and I had gotten really drunk. She needed me to take her home, so I was stupid enough to try and drive. She distracted me and in that split second we rammed into a truck, killing her on impact." he stumbles over his words. "Not only did she cheat on him with me, but I also killed her," he chokes on his words.

I'm speechless. I never thought that he had done something that... Life changing.

"Harry,"

"You don't need to try and tell me it's okay and that it's not my fault. I know it was my fault that she died and I regret getting in that car. But I can't change it, can i? It happened, I made a stupid mistake and now he's trying to get back at me..." He runs his finger along his lip with a frown. I have to admit, if breaks my heart seeing him like this. So vulnerable and broken.

"What are his plans to get back at you?" I ask, my heart sinking as I begin to fit the pieces together of this sick, twisted puzzle that I live.

"You." He says, actually looking at me for the first time since we've been here. His moment of hesitance makes my heart lurch.

"Oh," I say nervously, unsure of how to react.

"So I can't be with you if he's going to hurt you." Harry says, his voice wavering. He looks down and rubs the back of his neck.

I can't stand his words. I need him; Whether he knows it or not, he is my reason for living.

"No," I say quickly, my voice hardly working. One thing builds on top of another and I feel like breaking down.

"I can't put you in danger,"

"I can't live without you. Harry, I need you."

My words seem to have an effect on him by the way he stops pacing the small area and looks at me.

"And I can't live without you." he says hesitantly, as if the words were foreign to him. "But I wouldn't be able to live if anything happened to you because of me!" he raises his voice.

"Nothing will happen! You think he would really try and hurt me to get 'revenge' on you? He'd get arrested." I fire back, feeling my control slowly slip through my fingers like sand.

"That won't stop him!" He replies, although his anger isn't towards me. It's towards James.

"I don't care! I can't do this, Harry. It hurts to see you and not be able to be with you." I say, the pain that I tried to hold back laced my words thickly.

"It hurts me too." his soft tone surprises me and he takes a step closer, the moonlight illuminating his face brilliantly.

"Then why can't we be together?" I ask quietly, looking down. "He can't hurt me." I say although I know it's not true.

"Because i can't imagine the thought of you getting harmed because of me. I.." he trails off, the tense air between us dissolving.

"You what?"

"I love you to much to let that happen."

(Hope you like this chapter!! it's one of my favorites:) please tell me your thoughts in the comments on just this chapter or the whole book!! it means a lot! Tell me any guesses or theories on what might happen soon also:) I worked really hard on this one! Anyway, happy holidays to you all and I'll update again soon:)xx)