Misplaced Love-Sociopathic Love

No more feelings

A/N: I'm playing around with how to bridge present time with past. Please bear with me. Thx.
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May 2016
Thinking back, I now realize how I allowed myself the opportunity to get closer to Shaun. Opportunity may not be the right word. I needed a reason and my husband gave me plenty.

"Miranda did you hear what I just said?" Back to reality.  Shaun narrowed his grey eyes and stepped closer to me as he repeated his question. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of heat rising from my neck to my face. 

"Shaun I'm sorry.  I told you I'm a little out of it this morning. " I pressed my back against the wall to try to create some space between us.  But do I really want this space between us. This is a question I've been asking myself for weeks now.

"What happened between you and Kayla? I thought you were going to a wine festival last weekend?" I asked shifting my weight from foot to foot.  This is what I do when I start to get anxious. 

"Yeah we were supposed to go but as usual, her friends got in her ear about why I'm not good for her."

Well you really aren't I said to myself.  Out loud I told Shaun "If her friends know and love her then maybe they have a reason to be concerned."

At that statement Shaun took a step back. That was obviously not what he wanted to hear.  I mean did he think I was going to jump all over him and act like now was my opportunity to be with him? No...my life does not work that way.  I've learned not to believe in other people too much, especially guys, because they will let you down. 

March 2016

"It's fucking 3am.  Where the hell is he? "  This is the question I'm used to asking about my husband Quinn. You see Quinn works late every Wednesday.  As an accountant I understand he has busy periods that require extended hours. What I don't get is how as a married guy, you don't communicate with your wife about when you think you will be home.

For some reason tonight I don't feel the urge to text or call Quinn. I'm actually feeling relieved that he's not home.  This feeling should bother me, but it doesn't.   The more I think about what I'm feeling I realize I'm feeling very little. I've never been a very emotional person but I am passionate.   But when was the last time I felt any level of passion towards Quinn? Oh I remember as if I could forget. 

A month ago Quinn came home around 3am after working late. He said he had to wait for the last metro trains and that's why he was so late. I questioned this because I know when the metro stops. Quinn did not change his response. He insisted he was waiting on the train. The next morning when I left for work, I noticed a visitor's parking pass that he obviously forgot to take out of his car. 

What would you do at this point? I opened his car door, grabbed the pass and walked back upstairs to our room. Standing over him I waved the pass in front of him while asking "What the hell is this?" Quinn glanced at the pass and said "It's nothing."
"Nothing...really? This is a parking pass. Where did you go?"

Quinn opened his eyes and said in the most nonchalant voice "Oh yeah I had to take a coworker home last night."

"Well why didn't you tell me that when I asked why you were so late?"

Quinn said he didn't think it was a big deal. I literally felt like the wind had been sucked from my lungs.  My lips started to feel numb as I stood there looking at this man who I have loved for years.  I touched a finger to my lip in an effort to feel something on my lip..there was nothing...no feeling no pressure....nothing.  At that moment I felt empty. As Quinn continued with his excuses I could feel myself retreating within me. 

Looking at him I could only remember when I was breathless because he made me feel so alive to be around him. I could barely breathe thinking about him. Now I had no air for all the opposite reasons. 

I could feel myself moving away from Quinn as he spoke. With no other words I left the room. I went straight to my car and took off. I still felt numb.  I don't know how I made it to work but I did. I sat in my car for what seemed like hours before I could make myself move.  Those questions that I push to the side started to resurface. Should I believe him? How long? Is he really working late?

Get it together Miranda.  You have to be ready for the day. Taking a deep breath I got out of the car and headed towards the door. Before I could use my key card, Shaun opened the door. I paused not expecting anyone to be there.
"Hi Miranda." Shaun stopped and held the door open for me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah sure why do you ask?"
"Well you don't look like yourself and your hand is trembling. "

Sure enough I looked at my hand and saw my hand was shaking. "God. Nothing is going right this morning. " Shaking my head I leaned against the door as I suddenly felt faint.
"Miranda why don't I help you to your office."
As I was about to answer my eyes became blurry. I couldn't focus on Shaun's face.  "Shaun I can't see you clearly." Shaun immediately placed his arm around my waist and pulled me to his side.  He half dragged me down the hall to my office.  I couldn't think clearly.  Once in my office, Shaun closed my door, locked it, and laid me down on my couch. He put my head in his lap. The last image I had before closing my eyes was Shaun's grey eyes looking at me with concern.
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Ok this is a slow build up to how Shaun started being there to support Miranda.