23/04/2010
I'm dying and you're sitting over there like nothings happening....
Or am I dying because you are over there sitting like nothing's happening.
I don't know I just miss you, and wish you were here. I miss you hugging me and holding my hand.
The memories of you calling me "yours" it too painful.
I wish I could just be blind, to not have to see in the mirror the person that killed you. And even worse the remainder of everyone of what I've done it's just too much.
You're gone, and believe me. The memory of you sitting over there like nothing's happening, and not talking to me is way better than the memory of me holding that gun, with your eyes full of rage and confusion, and regrets and memories and tears, looking at me.
I just knew I had to end it, put down the gun and hug you. But the feeling of knowing that you were scared of me it was worse. By the time I thought about that it was to painful. I've planned to kill myself, the pain was too much and I didn't even remember what have caused that, instead of pointing to me, I pointed to you, I felt that if I killed that you, the other one would come to me. The one who loved me had disappeared, the one who didn't died too. Then there's me, I have took the breath to someone, they heart have stopped beating, I did that, I know would hate the one who did that to you, know I didn't feel nothing at all. I thought this was you, that you were the one who brought this in you, but you didn't, I did, killed you. No one knows it, you can't tell them, and even if I did tell them, they wouldn't believe me, or her.
-Sarah.
