The Forgotten Past

Chapter 15

Grace

"Ava come on! Don't- '' I try to say but she's so angry that she won't even let me speak.
God hate lying to her, but I can't tell her the truth yet. She wouldn't be able to handle it. "No Gracie! Leave me alone. Dad would just leave without saying anything!''
Her voice is filled with anger and I have not seen Ava like this in a really long time. We are sisters who have little fights here and there but it's usually most stupid stuff you could think off. But this is different. And telling her the true would hurt her so much more. It would break her hearth, knowing that her father is responsible for such thing. That he will go to prison. That I have no idea what to do now and how to go on with our lives.
Ava's footsteps echo loudly on the stairs as she walks up. I can hear her door slam shut with a loud BANG behind her and I finally release a deep breath.
It will all be okay, somehow.
Yes, somehow and someday...
But how?
How am I supposed to make this okay. It's not possible.
My father is a killer. Ava needs a father in her life. I can't do this to her. She can't lose both of her parents.
I feel my hands begin to shake and my breathing speed up. Everything is racing through my head and I just can't handle it.
My knees break and I fall to the floor with my back against the wall where a picture is hung up. It's an old one where I was eleven years old and Ava was just born. Mom is holding Ava in her arms and I am sitting on the couch beside her and dad. Mom and dad look so happy there, so full of life.
Everything was so good then.
But not everything is as good as it seems on pictures, there is always a dark side behind them. And when you discover that side there is no way out. You won't ever be able to overlook the bad.
As I hit the ground the picture above me falls off the wall. The glass on the front shatters as it hits the floor and glass bits lie everywhere around me. All I do is stare is stare at the picture in front of me as all the memories hit me.

Everything is so calm. Just a few moments of nothing. My eyes are closed and my breathing has gone back to normal when I hear the doorbell ring. I slowly open my heavy eyelids and think about how long I have been sitting here.
Was it ten minutes or one hour? God I have no idea, the time just flew by.
The doorbell rings again and I hear a fist slam against the door with fierceness.
Why now?
Annoyed by the doorbell, I stand up and walk carefully through the glass that's lying on the floor.
My mind is blank. Just perfectly stripped of all the pain and troubles.
Once again, a fist bangs loudly on the door just before I open it.
My eyes are staring blankly on ribcage of the person standing in front of me but I refuse to meet the eyes because I can already tell who it is.
Just by the smell of his familiar cologne tells me enough. Blake.
Not now. Just give me a moment, please.
After what feels like an eternity I look up and stare into Blake's eyes. What is it about him? There is something about him that triggers this feeling inside me that I can't put my finger on.
Concern is running over his whole face and he doesn't do anything to hide it. His shoulders are moving up and down and his breathing is coming way too fast.
Blake, what are you doing?
The look in his eyes tells me that something is wrong.
"Grace, won't let you do this alone- that's- I can't let you do that. I can't let you go,'' he says breathlessly. I just continue to stare at him without letting a single word come out of my mouth. I won't do this right now. Whatever he wants, he needs to let it go.
I turn away tearing my eyes from his and I walk slowly around the corner where the broken picture lays back to the living room. As I'm halfway into the living room when I hear the door slam shut and for a minute I think that Blake gave up and left, but when I hear his heavy footsteps behind me that proof me the opposite. Just as I go to sit down on the floor against the couch I hear his words enter my ears. "Grace don't do this, please- just say something.''
His voice is demanding but calm at the same time.
I meet his gaze and he is standing just a few steps away from me while looking right into my eyes, it's so distracting.
"Blake please, just leave me- ''
"No! I won't leave you, I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not- god I know what you're going through and if you shut everyone around you out it won't make it any better.''
His eyes don't leave mine even though I'm just staring blankly in front of me thinking about what he is saying.
He can't be serious. He really does not understand that I just want to be-
"Grace just look at me. It's not right what you're doing right now and you know...''
I'm not listening to what he's saying anymore and the only thing I hear is the loud thinking of my mind. My eyes close and I drift deeply into my thoughts.
How can he say something like that?
He doesn't know me that well, does he?
No I don't want to deal with this, if he would just leave so I could-
God I don't know what to do.
Why? Everything was okay just a few days ago.
If I never would have read that letter.
If I never would have talked to dad about it.
If it all never would have happened.
If I could turn back the time I would do anything to keep my father from hurting mom.
But that's not how live goes.
I'm sitting on the ground my knees are tucked into my chest and I lean my head against the couch behind me keeping my eyes closed. If I could just stay like this forever and not worry about anything anymore.
God that will never happen, it will never be the same.
I feel Blake's warm palm touch my arm and my eyes open even though I don't want them to, but there is something about Blake that I can never ignore. My gaze drifts sideways towards Blake's and I see that he is sitting on his knees. When I notice his face full of hurt tears make their way into my eyes and I hate it. I don't want to cry and surely not in front of other people. It gives me the feeling that I'm weak and I want to be anything but that.
Blake's sitting beside me and his eyes are wide. There is so much emotion in them that I can't tell them apart. Hurt, care, fear and love. It looks as if he's going to start to cry any second from now but also that he's never going to leave here. God he is so confusing.
Suddenly both of his hands come up to my face and fall onto my cheeks. The warmth of his hands is so satisfying that I never want them to go away. What is he doing to me?
His gaze is fixed on me and I find it unbearable to look into his eyes any longer, it's too much. It feels as if I'm drowning in millions of emotions and that I'll never find my way out of them unless I break this spell right now. At the same time I don't want to look away, I want stare into his eyes all day long and be able to forget everything around me.
My eyes close and I'm surrounded by darkness.
His hands stay intact and after a few moments the sound of his words enters my head.
"Grace...please''
Something snaps inside of me.
Something that I've never felt before.
Those two words.
That all it takes.
I'm done.
I can't fake it anymore.
Not with Blake.
He's is all I need.
His words are mine undoing.

Blake

I can't stand seeing Grace like this, it torture. Helping her is my number one priority right now and nothing is going to stop me from doing it. Something is not right with her in a way that something changed. When I came inside of her house I could tell that there was something different about her.
Something not natural. Something that wasn't supposed to be there.
She's sitting against the couch and her eyes are still closed but I see a tear escape out of them.
But now I see that there is something changing. Her eyes remain closed but her breathing becomes faster and faster and her body begins to shake. My hands have fallen of off her cheeks and I don't even think she has noticed it.
Her eyes open and she turns her head to look at me. They slowly full with even more tears and some are already falling down onto her cheeks. God I can't stand this.
Her body begins to shake and a quiet sob escapes her. Those be magnificent green eyes are filled with pain but this better than that act she has been pulling of just a few minutes ago. You can't fake your emotions, and even if try the real ones come to the surface eventually.
As she's looking at me more tears escape her eyes and I just can't take it anymore. I pull her to me and her head rests just beneath my shoulder with her weight laying on me.
"Shhh, I'm here, it's okay,'' I say to her while more sobs escape her.
She grips my shirt into her hands while I'm stroking her hair.
Some much pain.
But that's life.
It's a bitch, and you have to deal with it somehow.