She believed she could so she did.

chapter 2: she believed

"so, what exactly are thinking of doing when you leave school?" asked the guidance counseller sitting across from me.

"it took me less than a second to answer his question. "im going to be an actress on Broadway", i say defiantly.

his response was not what i was expecting.... he stared down at me for about 3 seconds, and then sighed. i know youre thinking 'but that doesnt sound so bad!' but trust me it was. it wasnt a sigh of admiration or even just wonderment, it was a sigh of utter distaste. i quickly try to fix the situation by saying "i realise you probably get a lot of teenage boys and girls coming to you telling you that they want to be in films or in stage or whatever, but im different."

as im saying this he has started to rearrange papers, seemingly barely listening to me, not caring, then after i say "im different" he asks me "really? in what way are different then?"

"those other kids, they want to be actors and actresses, they still have doubt, i however, know im going to be one." i reply.

"yes, but how do you know?" he questions, still staring down at me. hes quite a tall man and i admit im rather tiny, but does he have stare me down and intimidate me? why cant just sit down, weirdo....

"i know im good, if you could just watch me i know you'd agree with me. im better than all of them." he has no reply to this, he just chuckles and begins to prepare papers again. i grin, thinking ive convinced him.

Esme-1

Stupid Counseller Guy who knows nothing about me yet still thinks its acceptable to judge me-0

suddenly, he asks "are you prepared for the amount of time you wont be working for?"

"urm, no..."

"did you know on average, actors only work professionally for 11.3 weeks of the year? whatw ill you do for the rest of your time? and what will you do if you dont get onto Broadway? how will you pay for transport to your next audition? what are you going to do after youve finished school? where will you work? have you thought about any of this?"

all this shocks me and makes me nervous, so much so that i stutter.

"i-i...."

"dont know?" he smirks evilly at me, " well lets take a look at your options shall we?"

we then spent the rest of the hour long session talking abiut what i would do if i failed at my dream. i sat there barely listening and trying not to burst into tears everytime he said "when you dont make it," and "when youve given up". i hated this man. i truly hated him. he told me i should try going to university to try to be a teacher of English or History. i hated them both and was terrible at them, how would that make me happier? and did he honestly think this was helping me in anyway?

all of a sudden he walked over to his filing cabinet and got out a book and placed it on front of me. i read the title aloud.

"the careers directory."

finally, he sat down in the chair next to me and said, "yes, now what i want you to do is open it at a random page, so that we can that particular job and you can see if it sounds good to you, then we can explore the possibilities of you doing that for a living." he explained.

because i had been sitting here for an hour now listening to him trying to destroy my dreams and set me up with new ones, i decided to play a little game. i purposefully ran my fingers along the 'a' section and my finger fell on page 6, i opened the page, and was delighted to see 'Actor'. i smirked at him and said, "hmm, actor, that sounds interesting, i dont suppose you can tell me about that?"

he looked shocked and embarrassed, then regained his seniority and said, "well, think weve spoken about that enough, havent we? let me have a go and see what i find." he said, snatching the book back off me and flicking through to find 'Hyrographic Surveyer'. he smirked back at me looking smug, and proceeded to tell me all about that for another 15 minutes.

when i finally managed to get out of that hellhole, i felt like absolute crap.

'i dont care what he says,' i thought to myself, 'im going to be a star, i know i am.' i repeated this over and over again in my mind all throughout the rest of my lessons at school that afternoon, and all the way home after. i kept on repeating this until i got back into the safety of my bedroom, where i collapsed onto the floor, and started to sing. i sang one of the greatest love songs in history, but i wasnt singing it for anyone in particular, i sang it for my dream, Broadway, my Broadway, mt Big Beautiful Broadway.

oh My Man, i love him so

hell never know

oh my life is just despair

but i dont care

when he takes me in his arms

the world is bright

all right

whats the difference if i say

ill go away

when i know ill come back

on my knees someday

for whatever my man is

i am his forever more.........

oh My Man, i love him so

hell never know

oh my life is just despair

but i dont care

when he takes me in his arms

the world is bright

all right

whats the difference if i say

ill go away

when i know ill come back

on my knees someday

for whatever my man is

i am his forever more.........

as i belted out the last note (and nailed i might add), i was surprised to find big fat tears rolling down my cheeks.

just like Barbra in Funny Girl.

just like Lea in Glee.

i ran to my wardrobe and put on my simple black dress and sang it again and again, until i was dry.

screw him, im going to be a star.